Good Bye Moody, Hello Broadway!

That's right! I'm moving my ass to Southie!

As of June 1st, I will officially be a resident of South Boston. I'm pretty excited about it and I think it's the perfect time for a change of scenery.

Although it's really a shame I am not at all Irish, I have a feeling I will be welcomed with open arms regardless. It seems to me like the most forgiving part of town.

And I could use some love right now. Bring it, G Street!

Oh Wait! That's right...I have no patience for this bullshit

I haven't heard from Match Peter, and I don't expect to. He did leave his commemorative Patriot's cup at my apartment, along with some other "things," so who knows how important that is to him. Otherwise, I don't have the patience for this shenanigans. Yeah, he's fun, but the pros just don't outweigh the cons in this particular Match Disaster.

I know I've said this before, but I am taking a hiatus from my friend Match.com. He lies, he cheats, and he gets my hopes up just to rip my heart out and kick it while it's down. We're in a fight...and we're on a break.

I'm sure that I will still have plenty of material, so I don't want you to worry about that. I know you were stressin'.

I have other news, but it deserves its own entry.

Friday Night Fun

I saw Match Peter last night...all night. Yes yes...he's still a friggin' idiot, but last night was very fun. He's a machine, that's all I will say.

Does this make him any more attractive to me, relationship wise?

Nah...less actually. Especially after he was supposed to take me out to dinner tonight and totally bailed.

And that, my friends, is why low expectations are a wonderful thing.

I don't know how I end up being more of the grown up when dealing with a 29 year old man.

Oh wait...I do know.

It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and I cannot wait to close my eyes.

Uh huh...I changed the sheets.

:)

Mr. Right Now? Is that you?

Oh Match Peter. What will I do with you?

I met him last night to retrieve my watch. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was not expecting the events that unfolded.

Long story short, he claims we are hanging out tomorrow night. He told me he would come up with something for us to do. I'm all "whatever" because I don't trust him at all.

But since this is my blog, I'll be honest: There is something about him. What? I don't know. Am I curious to try and figure it out? YES. Should I try to figure it out. No. In the end, I know it won't be worth the effort.

Match Peter is...how do I say...a spaz. He is very animated and all over the place. I didn't know that someone like him existed. Is he a big dumb animal? Yes. Do I think we could have fun together? Yes. Do I think that it could ever be anything serious or long term?

That would be a big NO.

What's a girl to do??

I'll tell you: I'm living my life and taking it as it comes.

Celibacy must be the answer

Hello hello.

Oh Match Peter. You are a retard.

All week, I have been initiating all contact with Match Peter. He has done none on his own. Sure, he keeps returning my texts and emails but...what's a girl to think?

Survey says...He's just not that into you. And, because I can be a real psycho girl, I've been all tied up about it all week. I hate not knowing...Will I see him again? Will this go anywhere? Talking about it ad nauseaum with some amazing friends, and I was even getting sick of hearing about it.

SO...we had made "sort of" plans for Saturday but I didn't hear from him at all today SO I made a decision. I didn't want to drag this out until Saturday. I want my fucking watch back. (Yeah, I left it as his place. I DID NOT do this on purpose.)And from what I can tell, he just is not that into me.

So I send a text...he ends up CALLING me (for the second time EVER), asking me what's up, aren't we hanging out on Saturday?

As you may imagine, I exploded. "What's UP? You're not into me and it's obvious." NEW NEWS to him, he says. Then he mumbles something about "stability" and "normalcy" and I get WAY pissed off and then he says "this always happens." I mean...do I even need to go into this any more?

The conversation ended with him not being able to talk about it at work. Fine.

We agreed to meet after his Yoga class in Somerville at 9:15 this evening.

Now...this is the tough part. I had TONS of fun with Match Peter. I mean...it was a blast. I like him, I like his hot bod, I like his personality, I like that he likes me. Did I mention the hot bod?

Depending on how it goes, I'm not putting it past myself to sleep with him and run with my watch, never to speak to him again.

And then I think, if I can do it with a straight face and get away with it...oh man...that would really kick ass.

What will most likely happen? He will open his mouth and I will want to leave immediately.

But at least I will have my watch back.

Idol gives me a headache

I think a play by play is completely appropriate for this particular episode. I turned my phone off and everything.

You know I love everything American Idol, and I understand that they are trying to do a good thing with this. Raise some money, save some lives, give America a kick in the ass. I really get it. But it's futile. I suppose what discourages me the most is that, while this intro of Simon and Ryan amongst the impoverished in Africa is moving (in its own way), it will be forgotten about by *almost* everyone who saw it...and it will take about three minutes. Probably less. I give American too much credit. Oh...and the music in the background is Coldplay. Do I need to say more?

Am I being a hypocrite? Why yes, yes I am.

Song choices are something about the human condition blah blah blah. I think I heard something about Bono earlier, but I hope it was a daymare. Unlike most of the Earth, I can't stand Bono. I think he's a pretentious prick.

Chris is singing Eric Clapton "If I Could Change the World" and it's awful. Wrong song. Poor Chris. He knows he's not winning anyway. Valient effort to save it at the end but it still sucked. Hard. Randy thinks it was good, so does Paula. Simon...? He liked it. Hmm...I thought it was pretty shitty. Whatever.

Everyone has two numbers for voting. I forgot they do that when they get down to six.

Twice as much time to vote!!!

More footage...now from the US. Randy goes to Louisiana, his home state. Rural Kentucky...oye. Arizona...Atlanta, Ryan's home town...Paula hugging children

Melinda is singing Faith Hill. She looks good and she has lost that weird humble shrinking neck thing (for the most part). Uh huh...


Eh...maybe it's just me, but I'm not into this. It's too much of a lovefest. Ew. Where's the mean? Bring nasty back!!

I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person...much.

I love my life, I have no dreams

While I was doing the dishes, I was thinking about what I should write about.

I could talk about my dating life, but I had a bit of a break down earlier today, from which I have recovered, and I'm sick of rehashing the whole game. I think I need to be done with dating for a while. I'll have another go at it some other time. The universe doesn't have to hit me over the head with it anymore.

Entertainment Tonight used to be good. I remember once when I enjoyed watching it. So I tuned to it tonight at 7:30 for a change, as my usual background noise while I'm settling in for American Idol is The Simpsons.

ET is so bad that I can't look away, and I find myself shaking my head with my mouth half open in disgust. It is barrel bottom celebrity trash talk about B rated nobodys. One of the top stories for Thursdays upcoming show: Olivia Newton John and her anorexic daughter (I've already forgotten her name). Who the hell cares about this? I feel insulted that ET would even believe for a millisecond that this topic interests me AT ALL. I want Lindsay Lohan, I want Britney, I want some decent, meaty shit. If they are going to do it, they need to just take it all the way. It needs to be completely shameless, like anything on E! That channel is amazing and priceless (for the most part). A topic for tomorrow's ET show? Larry Dickhead with Danny Lynn "on a blanket" posing in some seedy magazine. What an asshole. I don't think I need to explain why.

Idol Gives Back. Really?

We'll see.

Dating for Idiots

Is there a book? Maybe a graph or something? Pie chart? Reference library?

It is just about 100% clear to me that Match Peter isn't Mr. Right. Do I still pursue? Do I continue to put myself out there? Eh...probably not. I think I'll let him come to me. The laws of communication and the games I play in my own head. I called him last night and why? I think he's fun and girls can be horny, too. He returned my call...I was asleep. So I texted him today, we went back and forth for a bit, and he doesn't reply to my last text, hours ago. I don't get it.

I hate the game and I hate wondering what the hell is going on. Do you like me or do you not like me?

Match Peter mentioned something about his last long term relationship being a "big mess" and "not getting into anything right away" or something like that. His profile says something about trust so I wonder what the story is there. I'm not asking. He's pretty fun, but I doubt he's the one.

I think I'm making such great progress with this realization. Yay for me!

Here we go again

So the pirate is finished. Did I mention that already? It looks beautiful. Even Match Peter says so.

Speaking of Match Peter. Last night was date number one. And it was a very long date...17 hours to be exact. Needless to say, I had a great time. And even if I never saw him again, it would be OK. But I hope I do see him again, as we get along well and he makes me laugh. Like laugh until my stomach hurts.

If you are interested in more specific details about said 17 hour long date, I am more than happy to oblige.

He's cute, smart and funny. The most dangerous of all trifecta.

Slim pickins

I got to page 12 of my "mutual matches" and realized that my dream guy, or anything remotely close to it, is just not on Match right now. Oh man...there is just nothing going right now on that site!

On a much happier note, I am very close to being done with my pirate.

(Don't front...you were way curious)

You gave me the idea

Match Peter is perfectly aware that I write about him in my blog. Why? Because I foolishly told him.

So, when I asked him if he was excited to meet me tomorrow night for our first date, he only responded with a generic answer, noting that I was going to post whatever he sent in my blog. He knows me so well already.

I accused him of stalling, that I wanted him to answer the question, and that I had been entirely too busy coloring to write about him.

So he returns my request with this:

If by excited you mean anxiously awaiting the hour of nine in the prime meridian time frame in the eastern standard time zone for tomorrow evening the 20th of April. Also know as 4/20 amongst the patchouli savvy. Than yes, yes I am excited.

Oh, I see.

So much for "advice"

Because I obviously live my life based on the advice of my horoscope, I was confused by Today's Daily Horoscope:

You might be thinking about the possibility of an impossible love, but don't fall victim to your unrealistic fantasies. Even if you want to escape, you must remember that first there are things that you must do. Enjoying yourself in real life can minimize your dependence on fantasy, but don't run out on any promises you already made.

Huh?

I just want to color in my pirate

Today was my first day at the new place. It was good. It felt like I'd been there for a while, which means I fit right in. It's super different. I can eat at my desk! There is a lot less activity within the office, but so much more outside!

Basically, I'm getting paid a whole ton more to do much less work. It's pretty fantastic.

But I'm tired. It was a bit draining. I had quite a bit thrown at me today and I'm still absorbing.

And plus, all I was thinking about all day was coming home to color. I didn't even realize that American Idol is on tonight. I'm a coloring addict. The pirate is just asking me to color him in tonight. His hat, his telescope, his feathered cap...I can't wait!

Oh! Match Peter (formally known by another name that also started with "P" but I thought better of it and changed it) emailed me today with a pretty funny link.

For your pleasure:
http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925

Oh Shit

I'm not gonna lie. I'm REALLY nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. I sort of know what to expect, but I sort of don't. I'm scared shitless!

But I'll get over it. I'm sure everything will be fine. Isn't it always?

I had my aura read today.

No, I'm not kidding. It was awesome. I highly recommend it.

I discovered that I need to be better to my inner child. And it completely makes sense. I never got to be a carefree, little kid, so the chick needs some serious attention.

I went out and bought markers and colored pencils and a coloring book. I also bought one of those books where you connect the numbered dots and they make a picture. Remember? It's magical.

However...that isn't the icing on the cake.

I bought a felt poster of a pirate. I get to color it in. I have one of the palm trees and the buried treasure done so far. It's going to look so cool when it's done.

I am so weak

Ah. I cracked. I texted Match Peter.

GOD DAMMIT!!!

Girly girl

This just goes to show you how much of a dynamo I am. It's fun for me to keep you guessing, right?

I really want Match Peter to call me. I really want to talk to him. I absolutely love the sound of his voice. He could read the Wall Street Journal to me and I would go craaaaaazy. We've been texting back and forth since I spoke to him on Friday, but no texts from him so far today. He's very clever. And I can already tell he can keep up with my extremely sharp wit (hahhaha) and that he's a social person and has real friends (eh ehm...this is a direct slam at Match Bill).

This mild desperation is, of course, not a part of the "personality" that I project most of the time in the "real" world. But I love to pretend that I am extremely confident and free of self doubt. It's so fun to think so!

But really, as most of you know, I will always revert to that little girl, just desperate for someone to love her. I hate that girl! She's such a whiny mess. I've pushed her out for the most part, but she rears her ugly head when men enter the picture. Why? If I had any fucking clue, it wouldn't be a problem. It's not like I have Daddy issues. Although...well...there are the Mommy issues.

Ew. I don't even want to think about how twisted that is right now. That's "you're paying to hear me talk" material.

Anyway, I've gotten off track.

I will NOT text, I will NOT call. It's against the rules for me to turn psycho over this one guy who is probably a creep and just wants to screw me.

I mean...odds are...

Just one of the great mysteries of the world

It occurred to me today that the majority of the staff at my gym (insert ridiculous gym name here), minus the trainers, are visibly overweight. Is that any way to bring in the clients? I can picture the introduction during the "new members" tour now...

"Well, here at our front desk are Mary and Wendy. They really can't move around too much due to their excessive weight, so they just man the phones. That way, they can stay in one place and won't embarrass the other gym staff by being out on the work out floor. Our corporate office made us hire them; some sort of ridiculous diversity quota we had to fill. At any rate, don't pay any mind to them. They only speak if spoken to."

The cherry on this sludge sundae? The owner of the particular franchise location that I frequent is a portly woman, at least 50 pounds overweight.

It doesn't make any sense. It's like a mind fuck...do they do that on purpose? Does the rest of the staff use them as an example?

"You better keep coming back or you'll look like that. You don't want that, do you?"

Don't get it twisted: I'm not trying to be mean. It's not that I have anything against fat people. God knows that, according to the American Board of Health, I am borderline obese.

But I don't WORK at a gym.

I can't figure it out.

Pain in the...

I'm not sure what I did to my neck in my sleep but it's super stiff on the right side and I'm really uncomfortable. Does this give me a valid excuse to be a lazy shit all day? Why yes! Perfect. After all, I only have two days of vacation left before I'm thrown into a whole new world.

So Match Peter ended up texting me late Thursday night, mere hours after I had given him my phone number, and told him to be quick about it. He is really good at following directions, which is great, because I'm bossy. I got the text yesterday morning (Friday), and Match Peter and I continued to text each other all day. I asked him about his Saturday night plans and he said he had some "tentative plans" with a friend but could probably bail. I told him NOT to bail on his friend, even though I was feeling him and really did want to go out with him sooner rather than later. Then he ended up calling me while I was on my way to go out (more on that later) and told me it was up to me: He could probably bail on his friend, but said friend is kind of a pansy and is already making a big deal out of it. So I told him to just go...even though he wouldn't be able to hang out again until the following Friday.

Did I gain major points? Eh...probably. Have I already established that I am the understanding, selfless, amazing woman? Sure.

But guess what? I still don't have a fucking date for tonight. Booo.

And I have not heard a peep from Match Dave. Ugh, lame.

In other news, I went out with some new friends last night and had a blast. These chicks...these chicks are cool and on the level. You know what I mean. No drama, no bullshit. And plus, I'm such a sucker for anyone who thinks I'm funny.

Updates to follow. I'm seeing a flurry of action on my Match profile, so I'm sure there will be unending entertainment. You realize if I ever find "the one," this blog will be shit, right?

Square One

I don't even want to go out on a date with Match Dave anymore. He's giving me the biggest run around and I'm all set.

I sent Match Peter my number today and told him not to wait too long to call me, because I'm very impatient. We'll see how he responds to my sarcastic bitchiness in all its glory. Something tells me he'll do well.

Does he have Verizon? That is yet to be determined...

My vacation is coming quickly to an end! But I'm excited about my new job. I wish I could be irresponsible and blow some credit card $$ on new clothes but...I just can't do it!

Damn you, Adulthood!!

Tricky tricky

This is one of the many reasons I hate dating. Argh.

So...Match Dave told me he was free all weekend, so I emailed him and asked if Saturday was good. He did not confirm. But he's been texting me, which is interesting, although not referring directly to the date. I even gave him an out and said "If you're not interested in hanging out, it's fine, just let me know." and he was all "No, I definitely want to hang out." Have I gone over this already with you?

I'm so impatient. I need to know when and where and what I should wear. Like...yesterday.

I'm trying to be breezy and not push it. It's just not my nature.

Hot Dog!

I could really get used to this not working thing. You would be amazed at what you can do to just waste a day away. And you don't even have to turn on the TV to do it! Why the hell was I worried about being bored?

In other news, things have finally turned around on Match.

Seems as though I have a date with Match Dave on Saturday evening. I emailed him today and asked if he was really into hanging out, because he didn't sound like it on the phone. And he was adamant that he wanted to. So that's good.

Match Peter sent me yet another email this morning with a link he thought I would find interesting/amusing. Eh...not all that wonderful.

OOoooo...I'm in the driver's seat now!

Damn

What an evening...

First of all, I cannot remember the last time I was still awake at 1am. I'm not sure if that is really sad or a sign of my responsibility. Whatev.

A review...

1. I called Match Dave. Not only does he not live at home, he drives a Jeep Unlimited AND when he does smoke, he smokes a pipe - a tobacco pipe - which I think is absolutely hilarious. Oh, and he's actually almost 6' tall, but wanted to under shoot his height. And about the sarcasm...he just doesn't like when he can't tell if someone is kidding, or if they are just being mean. Ah yeah...ditto. He gave me his email address and told me to email him tomorrow "if I get a chance." I just don't know if I can find the time! We talked for an hour. The weird thing is that he didn't bring up hanging out, so I brought it up. He seemed agreeable. We'll see.

2. Match Peter returned my email. It is mildly hilarious. I think I'll wait four days to write him back. Sucka!

Looks like things have turned around for the moment. I had to share.

Gawd!

After being so excited about Match Peter, he hasn't written me back after 4 days. So...I'm writing him off.

I'll give Match Dave a call this evening, unless something better comes up, which I doubt. He is my only prospect thus far.

I spent $40 on books at Borders, so I have to read them.

I totally forgot that yesterday was Easter. Did anyone else enjoy "Peeps at Sea" or "The Amazing Growing Peep"? Serious family fun.

Oh...and in case there are some of you out there who don't know this, I am off until the 17th, so the blog entries will be abundant. Yay for you!

I wish I was better at this

I'm terrible at trying to relax. Not having anything to do or think about makes me nervous. Of course I've put together a list of little projects for myself, but I don't seem to want to do any of them at the moment. And plus, MADE is on. And sleeping is so much fun. I woke up at 8:30 with every intention of heading to the gym, but instead went back to bed for another two hours. I even made myself a to do list for today!

I think I have an unhealthy obsession with Match. I'm not sure why I am so desperate to find "the one." Maybe I think that if it doesn't happen soon, it will never happen. I've never been in such a big hurry to not be single. I'm not sure where this comes from, but I don't like the desperation I feel. It's completely unnecessary and needs to go away. I might call Match Dave today. Perhaps when I know he won't answer...like during work hours.

I need to pick out a book to read this week. It's one of my mini time off goals.

Other online dating updates

No one else has winked at me besides Match Dave, and Match Peter has not written me back. If he does, you'll be the first to know.

Also, I have winked at a few other likely bachelors. We'll see what the next few days brings.

Match "Dave"

So I've emailed back and forth with Match "Dave" (his real name is fairly unique so I've changed it for our purposes) a few times and he gave me his phone number on his second email. He looks good on paper, he winked at me, but I'm a bit hesitant. And of course, I will tell you why.

First of all, Dave's living situation has "no answer" listed. To me, this means he lives with his parents. Why else would you list no answer? Hmpf.

Second of all, Dave apparently smokes "occasionally," and I believe it is up for interpretation as to how often "occasionally" really is.

Third of all, Dave's only turn off listed is sarcasm. Uh...he must be new here. That's my entire bag.

Fourth of all, Dave has 5'11" listed as his height, which means he's more like 5'9" to 5'10". He also may be a little pudgy, which isn't really a problem, but too pudgy is a problem.

Good things about Dave: He seems relatively clever and intelligent, he is getting his Master's in Special Education, he is a teacher, he looks pretty cute...he has a very cute dog and a Jeep. Most of you know about my soft spot for both of those. He also referred to himself as the "Swiss Army Knife of Fun" which is pretty amazing.

I'll let you know if I decide to call him. He is, in fact, "IN" (Yes, I asked) so I can add that to the plus side.

Part of me wants to call him and say something like this: "Look, I don't want to waste either of our time. Let me ask you a few questions...1. How often do you really smoke? 2. Do you live with your parents. 3. Do you know that I am sarcastic? 4. How tall are you REALLY? 5. Are you a lazy fat ass? 6. Is your dog trained and obedient? 5. What kind of shape is this Jeep you speak of really in? 6. Are your intentions pure? What are your questions for me?"

Is that too forward? My horoscope says Sometimes you can be so overconfident that others think you've gone too far. You might even surprise yourself with your boldness. Now, however, you can go beyond your normal limits and get away with behavior that would normally be unacceptable. Trust your intuition and just be yourself. Others are more willing now than ever to accept you just as you are

So that means he would be OK with that list of questions, right? Either that, or my worst fears above are true.

I am so wary of guys my age (He's 26) because they are usually just looking to hook up. Learned that lesson the hard way.

Eh EM.

this blog is ridiculously self indulgent

I feel like such a fun sucker.

I should have much more stamina and energy for going out, having a good time...I should want to try and find guys to hit on. Right?

I had the hair going on, some seriously fantastic eye make up (thank you, MAC) and even thought myself looking on the skinnier side. Good for me, right?

Tonight was really fun. It would have been more fun if everyone had stopped asking me whether or not I was having fun, and if no one had given me a hard time about the amount of alcohol I was drinking. That was just annoying. Just leave it alone. I had a great time, nonetheless.

At any rate, tonight was my send off from my old job, with most of my work peeps in attendance...or at least the ones who matter. It's interesting how you become friends with people at work that you may have never become friends with otherwise. It is also humbling. Tonight, I was humbled. It feels good, but it also makes me feel like a know it all up until this point. So I've told myself to shut the fuck up.

Because guess what? The world happens to be so much bigger than Stephanie, and she still has so much to learn about it and herself.

(Who knew?)

I should never write in the third person. Ever.

What was I worried about?

Oh! Finally!

Someone on Match wrote me back. My (online dating) self confidence is restored.

Someone who thinks I'm funny and witty. Someone who wrote, in his response to me, "I don't even know where to start with you."

Ahhhhh. I don't know, either.

Below, my initial email to him. I've inserted some helpful details from his profile to help you, the reader, follow along:

I see a hint in your "places of interest" to my favorite movie. ["Vegas Baby" which, of course, refers to Swingers, my favorite movie. You should really know that by now] That deserves an email...not merely a wink.

And I sure am glad you have that "no meathead" disclaimer [he in fact does have this disclaimer, which is a good thing because based on looks alone, I'd put him in that category] in there. I would never have known...Kidding, of course.

I'm sarcastic. It's a blessing and a curse. I feel the same way about guys out there as you do about women [he mentions that all of the "girls" out there are like vanilla ice cream, and he's looking for double mint chocolate chip]...they all look and sound the same, especially when wearing a Red Sox hat. Everything sounds the same, looks the same [I repeated myself here. I must have not proofread] and I'm relieved to come upon a profile that doesn't start with "I hate writing about myself" or "I never thought I would do something like this, but here I am." Thank you for that. I was about to go cross eyed.

At any rate...I would label myself as Mad Dog Mango sorbet [aforementioned comparison of women to ice cream flavors]...made up of mostly sweet but with hints of spice. I tried so hard for that not to sound corny, too. [I really did try hard but when I reread it...ugh. Yet he wrote back]

Hope to hear from you soon, Stephanie

And without further ado, his response and...Your introduction to Match Peter:

All I can say is "wow". I don't even know where to begin with you. Let's just start with I might possibly have the website you've been waiting for your entire life. I feel like I need a drumrolll or something but away, we, go:

http://www.wwtdd.com

I'll just let you examine it and come at me with comments.

So I thought I would be the big bear with claws Mikey and write back and not the little bunny in the corney Mikey and wait around. You cried when Phil Hartman died? Is it because Troy McClure died with him? I think that's so --- romantic. I've never fallen in love with a sentence before buy golly gee whiz I think you might have just done it kid. Congratulations. You won the forementioned website. I think that totally kicks the crap out of any showcase showdown prize. But I'll allow you to be the judge.

Hope you're having a good start to the night ---
Peter

Peter's attempt to impress me with the above website is such a valient effort. True...I had never heard of it, but it is along the lines of my most favorite celebrity-trashing website EVA: www.gofugyourself.com, which really can't be touched.

And by golly gee whiz...this guy sounds like he's on the level.

Wait...

I just realized that the guy who rejected me has a Glamour Shot for one of his pictures, and he's looking for ONLY girls with green eyes. He has 5' 10" as his height, so we know that means max 5' 81/2", which is too short for me anyway.

Oh...and he isn't exactly raking it in financially.

Ahhhh. I feel so much better.

I feel sick

I just got a "Thanks, but..." email back from a guy on Match I wrote to earlier this evening. Apparently we are not a match.

Uhm...not going to lie...makes me feel pretty shitty.

It seems as though the Match gods are not shining their light upon me.

I think someone is trying to tell me something.

Don't mess with me

Match.com has reported an "issue" with my new profile. Huh? I changed some words around for various things that may be considered sexual or racist or whatever (which is nothing) and it better go through this time.

Meanwhile...American Idol is on and the multimedia is giving me a headache.

The download:
Tony Bennett week is not my favorite. Yawn!! Should they sing the songs like they are written, Tony? Should they??

Blake: Always good, great voice. Something about his mouth still creeps me out.

Phil: Put a hat on and go home to your new baby. He gives me the creeps and, per usual, Paula has no idea what she's talking about.

(Speaking of Paula...the blazer, the scarf? None of it makes sense. Randy is gaining back all of his weight and Simon is showing chest hair. Nice henley!)

Melinda: Great hair, great dress. Love it. Duh. She's always amazing...when she's singing. When she's not, I feel as though there is something slightly...off about her. Is this like a Kelly Pickler deer in headlights deal or what?

Chris: The stylists seem to be pushing for the JT look alike thing. I don't get the useless suspender straps. But he's cute and he's talented.

Jordin: So cute, so young, so joyous. She's young and doesn't know yet...

Gina!: Hate the dress and the hair. I think Simon was a bit rough on her. She sang it well.

Sanjaya: I threw up. Everywhere. And then I laughed my ass off when Simon called him "Incredible."

(Match still hasn't approved my Portrait!!!! Grrrr)

Haley: Three words: Green disco ball. Way to flaunt the hooch...again. She needs to go.

Lakisha: I was worried one of her boobs were going to pop out. But she's diva-licious, of course.


I hate when people are in my apartment at 9 at night on a Tuesday and I need to go into the kitchen in my pajamas. I don't want to say hi to anyone or see anyone. I just want to get my fudge pop and be done with it.

Craisins for crazy

I feel a bit manic right now. I think I know why (besides the Craisins, which are delicious).

I have reached a point where I have truly triumphed in my professional life. It hit me today that I should be really proud of myself. And today, if only for a moment, I really was.

If I can do that, I sure as hell can apply it to my personal life.

So, I grew determination today.

Below, see my old Match.com profile. For those of you unfamiliar with Match, this is the "free form" section where you can write "about me and what I'm looking for."

I'm going to be really honest and upfront here because that's my personality. Happy reading!

I am a kind hearted person with an edge (it's indescribable for this purpose) looking to find a best friend and lover. I'm not interested in casual dating. I'm not interested in a male version of myself, because that's boring and I'm not sure it wouldn't drive me crazy. I need someone who makes me laugh and helps me relax. Admittedly, I can be a bit uptight. But admitting you have a problem is the first step.

For me, it's fun to have differing opinions in order to have some passionate discussions. Some things we should have in common, or have openmindedness about: politics, thoughts on religion, a "maybe yes, maybe no" outlook on having children, sleeping in whenever possible, working hard at our jobs and our relationship, and an appreciation for our families, no matter how dysfunctional they may be (or how annoying they can be). And dogs. Someday, I want a dog.

I am determined and driven. I like to get riled up. I enjoy my job and am successful in what I do. I'm kind of a nerd. And it would be cool if you were kind of a nerd, too. I want someone I can talk to who doesn't just nod and mumble. I'd like to be with someone who can teach me something about myself.

Sure, I can have my lazy moments, but I am a slave to my to do list. Read: a bit neurotic. (Again...admittance is key here!) Cleaning is a hobby. I know it's weird. It may have something to do with living with two men (no, I'm not dating either of them). I'm a neat freak, for sure. Don't get this confused with germaphobe.

I don't cook but could learn. Cooking for just one seems a bit pointless. I'm really good at following directions so it can't be that hard.

I like affection and being close. I'm a big snuggler and just plain old making out is one of my favorite things. Sloppy kissers need not apply.

There needs to be a connection, much more than commonalities and physical attraction. These two things are important, of course, but I don't have a particular "type" of guy I look for when it comes to the physical part. Personality is just as important. I mean it! And if I'm taller than you are with heels on, you need to be OK with that, because I could care less.

I am very sarcastic and have quick wit (majority of the time). You have to be able to keep up with me without coming off as arrogant and full of yourself (ditto for me). There is a fine line between that and confidence, and sometimes arrogance is covering up for lack of confidence. I have yet to meet a man who can hover over that line successfully. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm a sucker for silly bathroom humor and love movies like Tommy Boy. Farting and burping are welcome (more like required), so are beer and sports (especially baseball). I may be a bit of a square sometimes (see above about being a neat freak), but I also know how to be a goofball.

I've been rejected and done rejecting. I've read the book "He's just not that into you" and I get it. Just please don't make me guess.

I will have an opinion about almost everything and will never shrug my shoulders when you ask me what movie I want to see or food I want to eat. At the same time, I can compromise.

I am generous with my time and my caring. I don't need a man to complete my life, but I do want to find stud who gets it. Is that you?

There is no doubt that this is an accurate portrail of my personality and what I'm looking for, as best as one can write such a thing about themselves. I re-read it last night and something was missing. Or rather...there wasn't enough missing. I need to put the best representation of myself out there and that wasn't really it. I need to contain the crazy...at least a little.

On the way home from my second to last day at work, I had a great idea. What am I always talking about? What do I love? What can I get lost in?

And the answer is...POP CULTURE. Movies, music, celebrity gossip, television...anything! Big shout out to The Hindu Heat for the inspiration.

SO...here's the new "about me and what I'm looking for" section:

Do you like to talk about pop culture? Do you have many, upon many meaningful opinions on the topic?

Yes and Yes.

Just to name a few:
The dynasty that is American Idol. Ryan Gosling and why I think he’s the next Ed Norton. Why Justin Timberlake is an amazing musician and why I don’t think he’s hot. The great, good, bad and horrible of the television network that is E!. Why Paula Abdul is famous and I’m not. Why I’m sick of hospital dramas, and why Scubs is popular. Why I don’t have DVR or Tivo. The Netflix phenomenon. iTunes. Reality TV and what it says about the current human condition. Sub Sub topic: Come on! Are people really like that? (Specifically in reference to anything on MTV, and how I’m drawn in, despite the horror). Why Swingers is the best movie ever made and Fight Club is the second. Does Ryan Seacrest sleep or is he clone of Dick Clark that was created in a laboratory? What happened to Dunkleman? Why I do, in fact, love New York. Where James Fry went wrong and how he could make a come back. Books made into movies. Movies made into books. Great American Authors and why I can't help but read any book by John Irving. Actors that become politicians. Politicians that become actors. Why I hate James Taylor. Why I think Tarantino is over-rated. Why I think Linklater is under-rated. Spoiler Alert! Why the new James Bond is the best James Bond, and why the new bond girl may be the worst (concurrently, why I think it’s just fine that she bites it in the end). Why I want JK Rowlings money. What I think is actually wrong with Tom Cruise (concurrently, How society reacts to celebrity and how celebrity reacts to itself). Why I cried when Phil Hartman died. Why I don’t watch Lost, Grey’s Anatomy or 24. Why I hate Blockbuster. Why women don’t like video games and why men get lost in them. Why I need a high definition TV. Why “The Soup” is the best show on television. Why “Law and Order” isn’t. Why I miss Beavis and Butthead.

Why we need online dating.

I like it, quite a bit. I think it's fucking genius, actually.

Shhh...it's the craisins talking.

Faith restored?

Well, after sifting around Match for an 1/2 hour, I found that there are some normal guys on there. Normal, cute guys. Whether or not they will return my interest is another story.

Prepare for rejection...ready...GO!

Ok...ready?

Yeah...so not ready.

I think I'm going to take a break from Match. I don't think I can handle it. I know, I know. I have absolutely no patience and have only been back on for 5 days. I'm being unreasonable. It's just that every time I sign in and see none of my winks or emails returned (except for Tony the Jew, who insists on emailing back and forth millions of times but has not asked me out. I don't think he's that cute anyway) and only to be met with the interest of those I am NOT interested in.

It's not particular to Bill, but I feel as though my self esteem has taken a hit, in a cumulative sort of way.

Sure...I am a successful "business" woman and should be very proud of myself for my accomplishments. I'm trying...I promise.

But in the men department? DAMN. Can I have worse luck? Why put myself out there again just to find another wimpy, self destructive, emotionally illusive whack job asshole who ends up rejecting me?

No thanks.

What the F?

What is with all of the over sized, nerdy (not in a cool way) guys winking at me? NO no no no no. Maybe I need to change something in my profile. I mean COME ON...

Ugh...how completely demotivating.

Dating sucks.