What does it take to get some attention around here

Greetings!

I read a few posts back and I'd like to apologize for being such a bummer lately.

I'm sure you all understand. And if you don't, well...fuck off then.

That said, I've made some changes up in herreeee. One of the changes was made a shor t time ago and no one has said a WORD. Hello?? Anyone out there? Does anyone care?

You've all given up on me, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?

I'm obviously an attention hog. If you weren't humoring that, you wouldn't be reading.

So you better notice today's change and say nice things.

(Please)

I don't know how they expect me to live like this

Ugh.

Another payday, another two weeks without money until the next payday. I smell a vicious cycle.

Since I've decided to stop complaining and feeling sorry for myself about the OTHER thing, I've moved onto complaining about money.

I don't have any.

In fact, I have even less now than I have ever had. Add to that, I have credit card debt. It isn't an insane amount, but it's there, hanging over my head and waiting to start collecting interest. I have until August to pay it off and it just isn't going to happen. So oh well, right? It's just money.

How does this happen? How am I making all this money and yet I still have none? What sick bastard came up with this plan?

Here's the rub: The more money you make, the more money you spend. It isn't something that happens on purpose. It sneaks up on you and all of a sudden, the largest amount of money you have ever earned up until this point in your life leaves your checking account as swiftly and quietly as it enters.

I started doing my taxes today. I love tax season. I love how everyone else is moaning and groaning and in a panic and I'm patiently awaiting that last 1098 so that I can get right to it. Perhaps this is because I have never actually had to pay taxes. And I'm fairly certain that I have yet to break any laws (fingers crossed). I like getting money back, so I claim the least amount that I can. Now, I'm not naive. I know that this will get much more complicated as I get older and I will slowly become one of the moaners and groaners and develop to the point where I pay someone else to do my taxes for me. BUT...until that day, bring on the refunds, baby!! I've done the rough math and it looks like a nice chunk of change is coming my way. Shhh...don't jinx it!!!

I probably shouldn't be talking about taxes in my blog. But whatever.

The reason I have money on the brain is firstly because I've paid all of my bills and I now have about .50 to live off of until the next time I get paid. But ALSO because we had somewhat of a family meeting today and I realized that, one fine day, there could be a whole lot of money coming to me. And the best part?? No one has to die!!! Isn't that fantastic?

But it will be a while. There is little to do about it right now, except to keep enjoying the new car smell and to continue to buy the generic Q-tips.

I suppose this is good news

I have a new primary care, Dr. Z, who is very nice and very thorough. She hooked me up with a neurologist this past Tuesday who sent me for MRI's (brain and neck) yesterday. The results are in and apparently there isn't a scratch on them. While this is fan-friggin-tastic news, it still doesn't help me to explain these symptoms that I'm still experiencing.

I'll go back to the neurologist (Dr. L) next week for "next steps." Some drugs had best be Step 1.

In the land of other news:
My job is still borderline skull-crushing and my boyfriend seems to have had some sort of mini-breakdown which I feel responsible for.

Oh yeah...I'm great.

She might as well be Dr. Pepper

Hello from the land of self-pity!

But really...I'm doing a whole hell of a lot better. With the support from family, friends and my amazing boy toy, I think I'll make it.

I know I sounded like a big HUGE baby last week so I told myself to shut up and stop being so fucking lame. So what if my left arm still feels pretty funny? I can still use it (for the most part). And so what if my job still rots? It's only temporary (hopefully). And so what if I won't see my boyfriend for another month? Isn't fondness supposed to make the heart grow stronger? (What does that even mean?)

Let's embrace this new year and focus on the positive, shall we? Taking control of the things I have the power to change. And having a fantastic sense of humor...and a wonderful support system (and I'm not talking about Victoria's Secret Body Bras).

That said, tomorrow I begin the quest to change my primary care physician (PCP to those familiar with the lingo) because she 1) sucks and 2) might as well be in Guam. I've had enough with her apathy and rushed visits. She makes enough money to at least pretend she has a heart.

And no...I don't have multiple personality disorder.

Yet.

Dearest Friends

Apparently my coping mechanisms have failed me. I've gotten myself into a place where I get so worked up about who knows what that I end up in the hospital because I can't use my left arm.

It's not my heart and it's not my brain. I'm just...crazy.

I'd love to have happy and unlifting news. And when I do, you'll be the first to know.

For now, I need to work on doing a better job of being a grown up. Wish me luck.

I promise it isn't for lack of trying

I wish I could report some uplifting news. I really do. I've been sitting here, trying to squeeze it out with the best of my ability. I've closed my eyes tightly and listened to relaxing music. I'm sipping chamomile tea. I may enjoy a mug of warm milk later. I've tried to visualize a sunny beach and inviting ocean water. I've done deep breathing. I've perfected my downward dog. I know my peace animal (Boston Terrier) all too well. I've crossed several tasks off of my to do list. I've written some emails to close friends. I've called my sister. I've watched hours of wonderfully mind-numbing television.

Nothing is working.

Lola, however, honks her hello.

Happy New Year?

I think I've gotten old. Only because I couldn't even stay up until 10pm last night, let alone midnight. Added to the fact that Nick and I were going to buy booze and party like rock stars here on the 6th floor but alas, we just didn't. I think we are both so exhausted from the past couple of weeks. It's nice to do nothing. And since he doesn't mind me lazing around his apartment in my best sweats for days on end, I guess that's just fine with me, too.

I don't have much news to report. Luckily, my luggage made it to Atlanta this time. I flew Delta, which is a very nice airline. Not that they had to try very hard to impress me.

I'm at Nick's right now, waiting for him to come back from the airport with a very adorable 4 year old. I haven't left the apartment today which I think is just fine but still feels weird.

I hope he remembers to bring me back that chocolate chip ice cream.