Sunday, July 31, 2005

but my nails look fantastic...

It just happens to be one of those days where I didn't get up and get going, didn't do anything constructive (unless you count laundry or coloring with my niece), and as a result, I feel like a blob of gooo. That's "gooo" with three O's. Make no mistake about it.

Added to that, I know I scared the new guy away. Maybe I'm not ready for someone to be that nice to me. I don't know. I know that Pretty Miss would tell me to shut up because I'm being stupid, and I wish it was that easy. I wish I could like him, fall in love with him even. But as my sister told me today, unless there's a guy who has emotional problems and treats me with little or no respect, I'm not interested. What she actually said was that I "couldn't wait to get into their pants." She was pissed at me, getting all red in the face and telling me to call him before I sabotage the whole thing. Then she really twisted the knife. She played the "you're acting just like mom" card. Before I could protest, I had to admit she was right.

I know I'm just in "one of my moods" and I know I'm PMSing. I'm allowed to use that as an excuse.

My sister still can't walk or be standing for more than 10 minutes at a time. She's desparately bored and still really pissed off. I know I can soak that part of her up and I know I did.

In short, it's sympathy wallowing. And man am I good at wallowing.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Anyone who drives a Hummer and is not a member of the military should be shot in the knee cap

No, really.

I digress.

I went to the gym last night thinking that I had just enough time to get there, do my usual thing, go home, shower and be in bed by 10.

That didn't happen.

I get to the gym and decide I want to go into the locker room first, which I don't usually do, but it was about 120 degrees yesterday and I had been drinking water all day like it was...water, so I had to pee. Who do I see when I walk in? WELL, since it's Wednesday night at 7:15, I see Ani, a lovely young lady (if perhaps not one of the most tolerable coworkers) headed for the bathroom. Now, I worked with Ani over two years ago, but we live in the same area so I see her from time to time. We're friendly and do the obligatory "how's life" song and dance. She teaches a class called "Step & Sculpt" which I've never taken, probably because being at the gym until 9 at night seems less tempting than having tacks for eyes. However, I have always told her in passing that I would one day join the class, and there she was and there I was, 15 minutes before it was due to start. Why not, right?

The "stepping" part wasn't bad. I'm semi-coordinated, so I caught on pretty fast and managed not to fall or trip. I did, however, start to sweat quite a bit. It's only recently that this has started to happen. Of course everyone sweats when they work out to some extent but I'm no Lance Armstrong and only someone who stars in her own sports commercials should actually work hard enough to sweat as much as I do. I'm not sure if it's some sort of strange hormonal thing, but it was bordering on embarrassment when I had to stop because my vision was blurred by the sweat that had dripped into my eyes. While I could still (kind of) see, I was having trouble once the step routine started getting more "complicated." But then the warm up was over. What I thought was already fairly challenging was actually just "get your heart pumping" crap they do in the beginning. I thought I was done for. Luckily, there were two ladies who couldn't have found there way out of a sack lunch. So I think to myself "Phew! I look in shape compared to those two!" Not so much.

Moments later, these two uncoordinated ladies, both of whom I had moments before secretly mocking, schooled me when it came to the "sculpt" portion of the class. After two sets of the "hip strengthening exersices," I started to hear myself whimper. My hair was completely soaked with sweat at this point and, when I caught my own reflection in the surrounding mirrors, I thought I was another girl in the class who I had somehow failed to notice up to this point. I thought she looked quite winded, had very jiggly (uneven!) boobs and resembled a slightly overweight and very tired (and wet) looking Molly Ringwald.

Oh wait no. That's just me.

I tried my hardest to keep up and I think I may even have fooled them. Ani, bless her heart, was over the top encouraging, in true aerobics instructor form.

I should mention here that one, if one was so inclined, can bounce quarters off this women's ass. She was drunk at a Christmas party one year and we tried it in the bathroom while the president dressed up as Santa and passed out free champagne. So I know.

I was ecstatic when the class was over. While I attempted to dry myself off with a hand towel, I was greeted by Ani, who wanted to make sure I had gotten "a good workout." I casually shrugged and said "Oh yeah. I mean, I thought the hip exercises were kind of beginner but it was still great." The lack of essential vitamins and nutrients had effected my brain function. There was no going back. Ani nodded and said, "Oh really! I have always thought that! Come next Wednesday and we can do the more andvanced ones." With that, she turned on the balls of her feet and trotted off. Every square inch of her body was bone dry while I stood there, looking as if I had gotten into the shower with all of my clothes on.

I'm so fucked.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

If I could, I'd kick my own ass

My first week of work was amazing. I mean simply great. I finally feel like a have a purpose and I don't just sit behind a desk all day. It challenges me and makes me think.

With all that said, it's quite a bit of hard work and it will take some getting used to. I'm used to doing next to nothing and getting paid, remember.

In other news, I've been a bit of a jerk to the new guy. I cancelled our date last night because I just couldn't find it in me to do it. I know that's so amazingly lame but I just knew it would be a suckfest with the mood that I was in. I spent most of the day attempting to find semi-young-but-still-professional clothes for my new job only to be met with ill fitting scorn. A pair of shoes perked me up momentarily but my cummulating credit card balance brought me back down to the depths of depression almost immediately. I know I'll be making more money somewhere eventually. I just don't have any right NOW.

Anyway...about the new guy. As I've mentioned before: He's SUPER nice. And cute (even if a bit on the skinny side), tall, calls me, has good taste in just about everything, pays for stuff, etc. HOWEVER, I'm used to dating, for the most part, selfish, albiet charasmatic, pricks. So this is my dilemma: I need to give the new guy much more of a chance (so far: two dates, one awkward but promising kiss), but I'm scared and walking on very unfamiliar territory. It's true what they say about intellifent, attractive women always dating the jerks. I've morphed into a stereotype without evening realizing it. It's snuck up on me...people are shaking their heads at me and gazing is wonder and curiosity at why such a well put together (albiet prone to earth shaking mood swings, but no one is perfect) woman just isn't attracted to nice guys.


I don't want to let this defeat me, so I'm not giving up. Here's to calling him back today to reschedule.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Allie leaves to go back to SF,CA tomorrow. Tonight, she made me laugh until I was crying and wanted to vomit. I miss her so much.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

It's so hard being me

Hello hello

Oh I know, it's been so long. We both know it, so stop complaining and listen up.

The new job is going great so far. My only issue is with wardrobe. Spending three years in advertising did little to contribute to my suit collection. Now I need to own a couple, and I don't. It's stressing me out, especially since I have negative dollars and my car is making a very concerning hissing sound. Crap.

It's hot. Hotter than shit. My swamp ass has kicked into high gear. Especially with those pantyhose I had to wear today. Who invented those things? They should be the foot...and then left for the desert...wearing a wool suit...a black one.

I need to wake up in seven hours and drive to a city run entirely by the mob.

I like the new guy. I like him quite a bit.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

An Ode to Domestic Goddesses

I'm watching my sister's children all day today while she gets stiched up. I'm worried about her and busying myself with laundry, dishes and overall chaos management. It's dizzying.

I love my nieces and nephew. I really do, will all of my heart. But they can be devil children and the urge to get out the duct tape and utilize that spare space in the hall closet does become rather tempting.

I have no idea how my sister wakes up every morning at 5:30, goes running and then comes home to monitor these angels. I'll have to mention to her that she is an amazing woman. Again.

I'm hiding from them right now. The littliest, who is four years old, has not stopped following me around all day. Their dog, Max, possibly the sweetest little monster in the world, follows in her wake. I have my own little conga line.

We're off to the pool soon, where I'm sure I will manage the endless splashing, disobedience and the like.

Don't tell anyone, but I secretly love it.

Friday, July 08, 2005


Today is my last day at Useless Advertising Company #1. For some ungodly reason, I was here for 11 hours yesterday. I've decided that I care too much.

Of course there are things that I will miss, like not rolling out of bed until 8 every morning, but it's time to move on. It's exactly the right time.

An update:

My sister is doing much much better. A week ago Monday, she was bitten in the lower calf by a dog in her neighborhood. The bite was treated immediately, but an infection quickly spread and she was in emergency surgery by 11pm on Thursday. They had to slice both sides of her lower leg open and leave it exposed in order for the infection to drain out. I've never seen her in so much pain, even after the four kids she's managed to squeeze out. It's been rough on everyone, but she's pulling through just fine. Unfortunately, they had to put the dog down.

My date last week was so awesome. This guy is the polar opposite of jackass. He's younger than I am, extremely considerate, kind, caring and has already called me more in a week than my ex called me in a month. We were supposed to go on a second date tonight, but the poor thing is very sick with some sort of stomach flu and spent last night in the ER. Despite that, he still managed to wake up this morning, call me and even wish me luck on my last day. I'm nearing full smit and borderline making myself nauseous.

Oh, and he's really handsome. And tall. Did I mention that? Don't worry, I'm not like in love or stalking him or anything. I'm just really happy that someone like him likes ME.

I'm such a dork.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I'm back, I'm sun-burned.

My sister is home from the hospital. For all of you not up to date on what happened, I will tell all about it later.

For now, I happen to be freaking out and I think there may be only one person who reads this blog who knows why. Her name is Pretty Miss.