Sunday, July 24, 2005

If I could, I'd kick my own ass

My first week of work was amazing. I mean simply great. I finally feel like a have a purpose and I don't just sit behind a desk all day. It challenges me and makes me think.

With all that said, it's quite a bit of hard work and it will take some getting used to. I'm used to doing next to nothing and getting paid, remember.

In other news, I've been a bit of a jerk to the new guy. I cancelled our date last night because I just couldn't find it in me to do it. I know that's so amazingly lame but I just knew it would be a suckfest with the mood that I was in. I spent most of the day attempting to find semi-young-but-still-professional clothes for my new job only to be met with ill fitting scorn. A pair of shoes perked me up momentarily but my cummulating credit card balance brought me back down to the depths of depression almost immediately. I know I'll be making more money somewhere eventually. I just don't have any right NOW.

Anyway...about the new guy. As I've mentioned before: He's SUPER nice. And cute (even if a bit on the skinny side), tall, calls me, has good taste in just about everything, pays for stuff, etc. HOWEVER, I'm used to dating, for the most part, selfish, albiet charasmatic, pricks. So this is my dilemma: I need to give the new guy much more of a chance (so far: two dates, one awkward but promising kiss), but I'm scared and walking on very unfamiliar territory. It's true what they say about intellifent, attractive women always dating the jerks. I've morphed into a stereotype without evening realizing it. It's snuck up on me...people are shaking their heads at me and gazing is wonder and curiosity at why such a well put together (albiet prone to earth shaking mood swings, but no one is perfect) woman just isn't attracted to nice guys.

Sigh.

I don't want to let this defeat me, so I'm not giving up. Here's to calling him back today to reschedule.

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