Friday, April 29, 2005

not so black friday

Reduce your plan to writing... The moment you complete this, you will have definitely given concrete form to the intangible desire.
-Napoleon Hill

When I woke up this morning at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep, I knew that today would not be the best of days. I had been dreading it for almost two weeks.

Today holds memories for me that I don't want to relive right now. Maybe someday in the future, I'll look back on them fondly and just put them away to take out only when I feel nostalgic.

I'm a sentimental sap. I thrive off of the feeling I get when I love someone. It's so selfless and light and free. I am nuturing someone, and a relationship that I have grown so proud of.

When that feeling is gone, it is sometimes more painful than the abscence of the person, or the relationship, that I loved.

Today reminds me of that pain, but very little of the absent person.

I didn't understand that until just now.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Falling asleep at my desk

First of all, I don't like Constantine. I did for about 5 minutes when he first was invited to Hollywood. Then, I slowly started to despise his stage antics.

Strangly, I feel rather empty now that he's gone.

What will I have to squirm about now? Who will I turn to when I need a contestant to be completely and unabashedly over the top?

Constantine would not have won by any means, but Scott should have been gone last night.

The only logical reason I can think of that Scott still remains is that the American public is a bunch of ignorant saps. Oh no! Scott looks so sad! Let's vote for him even though he cannot carry a tune to save his life!

I'm not sure about the producers of the Idol. I find the "reality" show to be a bit...too shocking at times.

I'm really groggy and pretty out of it. More later...when I'm lucid.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Opposites Attract...and you know!

It ain't fiction, you know it's a fact (It's a fact)
We come together 'cause opposites opposites attract

An Ode to Paul Abdul:

In your time of need I can only hope you know how much I stand by you, Paula.

My first kiss happened during your hit "Rush, Rush" and many nights were spent pining away for your hip dance movies and sassy 90s fashion.

My extremely successful dance career began at 12 with a stunning rendition of your "Cold Hearted Snake" video, which remains the stuff that legends are made of.

Spellbound is still my favorite guilty pleasure. I'm always blowin kisses in the wind, girl.

"Vibeology" still sends my heart aflutter, thinking of you in your black cat suit, grinding to the beat.

Straight Up Now Tell Me, Paula: Are you really gonna let this get you down?

Scott, dude, you SUCK

Please note: If Scott doesn't go home tonight, I'm going to do something really drastic. Seriously. I just don't know what yet. His mother actually called him "The heart and soul of America." Right.

Last night's theme was "Songs from the last 5 years." This is another display of the brilliant mind of Simon Fuller et al. If they are already desperately grabbing for theme ideas in Season 4, what will become of future seasons? Will one night's theme be "A song you heard on your way to the studio in the Idol van on the soft rock radio station"?

I'm so distraught that I have to go out of order.

Constantine should go home, but he won't. For some reason, there are people (women, supposedly) who think he is "sexy" whereas I think "skeevy, sketchy and disgusting." His little high kick at the end with the lower lip bite made me dry heeve. His family looks like they have just been awoken from the dead and have not yet fed off of the blood of virgins. And what was he wearing? Are those bracelets? Part of his shirt? What? Plus, some horrible singing.

Vonzell is just so unbelieveably and genuinely cute. I this girl for real? She better be. Even her little "I love you, Daddy" at the end of the song was just heart wrenching. I'm such a sucker. I scoffed when Seacrest called her "The Vonz." I wonder if he's actually that lame or he just plays that lame on TV. Do the producers and pull him aside and say, "Hey, Ryan. You need to really bring the cheese tonight. America can't get enough of your non-funny jokes and non-witty banter with the judges. More more MORE!" He mentions that Vonzell has a ritual where she doesn't talk to anyone on Tuesdays but instead communicates through post its. I'm not sure if this is extremely neurotic and unnecessary or a cute quirk. I'll let you know what I decide.

Randy mentions the dog pound again. I perpetually feel that this is an inside joke that I haven't been let in on, which brings me back to the painful memory of my entire 7th grade year. Why? Why must you taunt me, Randy?

Carrie is a little too...unfeeling for me lately. Her mom was super emo in her little video bio and then Carrie is stone-faced during her rendition of yet another country song. She seems really vacant, like 19 Entertainment already has rights to her brain function.

Bo sings a song that I hate. And he wears a shirt that is painfully ugly. I didn't appreciate the sunglasses. But he has a really hot mom and a very nice girlfriend. He's very wholesome in that rocker, stoner, hippy kind of way.

Things about Anthony that make me squirm:
1. Throat scar. He should only wear turtlenecks.
2. Thumb rings.
3. Too tight shirts.
4. He actually has fans.
5. Whisper singing.
6. A recording of him singing when he was one and half that his parents still have and cry when they play it.
7. His shrill voice.
8. His favorite song that he's been "dying" to sing since the competition started is by Celine Dion.
9. His need to "hit the gym" two times a day.
10. His crumply eyebrows.

Skip three weeks into the future when only Carrie and Vonzell are left.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


I have a crush on a boy.

I feel about 12 years old.

It's nice.

Monday, April 25, 2005

As if his hair wasn't offensive enough...

Ryan Cabrera now gets his own reality show, courtesy of Joe Simpson.

I'm officially and genuinely upset by this.

If it weren't free...

I'm freak out over how much Blogger completely sucks.

Death and stereotypes

It saddens and frustrates me when individuals enforce stereotypes that they and their ancestors have spent decades trying to obliterate.

But what I'm really talking about here is The Doll, and him being a cheap asshole.

And he just happens to be Jewish.

I went to high school with plenty of Jews. My first boyfriend (and *love*) is a Jew. They are wonderful people, really. I would never ever say anything ignorant or dare to stereotype Jews.

But I'm going to go ahead and call The Doll a cheap asshole and also mention that he's Jewish.

I'm just saying.

The history:
A friend of the family runs a golf tournament every year in honor of his father, who loved golf and actually died of a heart attack while golfing. All of the proceeds go to the American Heart Association. It is very well organized and a heartfelt tribute to a man that died in his prime.

But The Doll won't cough up $100 to sponsor a hole.

We spend more than that on toilet paper. Seriously.

So I'm upset and disappointed. He's not only making himself look bad but he's making me look like an insensitive prick, too.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Ty the Handy Guy

Last night while watching The Idol (don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Anwar) I, very unfortunately, caught sight of a Sears commercial starring none other than the infamous Ty Pennington.

Now, I would never deprive anyone of some shameless money-making, but this guy has gone way over the top. Stop the megaphone screeching, non-T-shirt wearing, fake-tan sporting madness.

For your enjoyment, some snippets from his bio:

Born and raised in Atlanta, Ty learned woodworking from his father. Growing up, Ty loved to surf, skateboard and play soccer. As a television star, you guessed it, Ty still loves to surf, skateboard and play soccer. He also has a one man band called Barney, which he sings and plays the guitar in a white leisure suit lit up with Christmas lights. He also creates mixed media art such as the mockumentary detailing the life and work of fictional artist Adis Pozal (played by Ty in goggles).

There are so many things wrong with the above that I hardly know where to begin.

Quotable Ty: “I’m the kid who never wants to grow up. I want to have fun my entire life.”

Well, Ty. You got me beat. I don't want to have any fun ever in my life. You're a real hero.

For some crazy reason, he appeals to some sort of strange demographic of women between the ages of 40 and 60. I don't know this for a fact but I know for sure he does nothing for me or anyone else I know in my age range.

He makes my skin crawl...and not in a good way.

There are not words for how much I loathe you, Ty Pennington

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The Cold Shoulder

Ugh. I'm so disillusioned with The Idol.

My cousin, however, has written an excellent post about the remaining seven. Click here to read.

Lucky for you, work is terribly boring and I can spend as much time as my little heart desires on this recap. Who's excited?!?

I feel, as sad as it is, that there will be a hole in my heart when the season finally comes to a close. But then I'll find something else to make fun of and bitch about. The new B. Spears and K. Fed reality series, perhaps??

Anywho...onto the recap.

Constantine was up first. And he's most certainly wearing eyeliner and exposing his chest hair. It makes me wretch and completely lose my onion and garlic potato chip appetite. Randy says he's "so Las Vegas" but I do not know a soul who would pay to see him there, unless he happens to be playing in the lounge of the hotel one is residing at. Stardust anyone? Maybe he can join Electric Avenue (now called The Verge...woah). Paula, as usual, thinks he's great and wonderful and blah blah blah. Simon says he is like "a waiter in a ghastly spanish night club." I've never been Simon but you so rarely steer me wrong.

Carrie is next and although she's sporting the big hair (which I love), she stares into the camera like she's trying to hynoptize the audience with her mid western charm and shiny blue eyes. I'm not falling for it! I'm blinking...see me blinking?? The low notes were inaudible so I was surprised when Randy and Paula praised her enough to make me stop eating. No luck..because then Simon came in with "Barbie meets the Stepford Wives." Her dress what ill fitting and muy lame. Uh...yeah.

Scott. He looks like he's gained weight. Either that, or he needs to stop wearing his pajamas on stage. "Everlasting Love" is a great song and all but I couldn't hear you over the fantastic back-up singers, who should have a show of their own. The high point of this performance was the end, when I caught sight of a sign in the audience that read "White Velvet." That's...amazing.

Anthony. Even before he starts up, I'm already frightened by the air humping that is yet to come. When he mentions that he has taken two years of Latin dancing, I laughed out loud and spewed chip everywhere. After I composed myself in the middle of the performance, I had to leave the room. There was just not enough air for him to hump and for me to breathe.

*FAVORITE ALERT*I love you, Vonzell. I think you are gorgeous, have a hot little bod and are just so cheery and happy and fun. You can sing, too girl! You make me all warm and fuzzy. If you don't win, I'm quitting my job and moving to Florida to be a postal worker with you. Won't it be grand? *FAVORITE ALERT*

Anwar, please put away your waxed chest. And stop skipping. And stop pretending you're going to win. When I think back on the days of the yellow leather jacket, I get sad, man. Real sad.

Hi Bo. You could not be less into being the next American Idol. Yet even though you could give two shits about the competition, you are still good even when you don't try. Because you did not try at all tonight, I could tell. Mentally, you were in your buddy's garage, belting out Skynard tunes and taking bong hits. Don't deny it.


I hate when people start a conversation with "FYI."

It's not "Hey, what's up" or "How are you?" but a blunt "FYI."


Go away and never speak to me ever again.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Hooking Down

I usually wouldn't go about chatting up my sexual exploits here on the good ole World Wide Web, but I had the most fun that I've had in a LONG time on Friday night. Maybe because I wasn't feeling at all insecure or maybe because I just didn't give a fuck what happened. Whatever it was, I'd like to repeat it (ok, not ALL of it) and soon.

Without going into too much (eh hem) detail, Miss Lisa and her friend Janice*(names have been changed to protect the innocent) happened to end up at an apartment where three *British* guys just *happened* to live. Well, one was visiting.

Because I'm fairly confident about my various sexual talents when I'm drunk, the ladies and I made a few wagers with the gentlemen. We won, hands down and have pictures (of straight men full on kissing each other and *maybe* some breasts) to prove it. I can't recall another time where I have been so shocked but at the same time so excited. It was almost like an orgy, minus the passing of bodily fluids (well, that *may* happened later in *one or more* cases). I've never been with a group of people so fun and uninhibited.

So, can you figure out what happened without me spelling it out?

Maybe it's just better if I leave it up to you to use that imagination of yours.


Revolution in my Evolution

HSHT strikes again, in a BIG way.

We all sat down for our meeting this morning to be met with more extremely vague language about the "direction" of the company. I really can't even tell you a word he said, EXCEPT that the "direction" would not lead to a revolution, but it would be a slower process, like Evolution. This man has an amazing ability to speak without really saying anything at all. It's...shocking.

Now, the last time I checked, Evolution is something that is observed over thousands of years. we have to wait that long for him to actually tell us his ideas?

It's looking that way.

Despite that self-righteous crap, I am having a great day today. Maybe it's that the sun has finally come out and all the snow has finally melted, or maybe it's because I've lost my mind and I just don't care anymore. It's past THE ROT. I think it's progressed into THE NOT.

I could really just care less.

Friday, April 15, 2005

All in a day's work

Because my thankless job has been sucking the life out of me these past couple of days (per usual) and I'm in an especially bitter mood, I've decided to take a minute and step outside myself to bring YOU, my loyal readers, some Entertainment News.

I am momentarily sick of The Idol (it will not last long because I am, after all, an addict) and have decided to say only this of the results show: Scott should have gone but it's Nadia's own fault for picking a weird song. There. That should do it.

Ok, onto the news. First off, I would like to congratulate B. Spears and K. Fed. on their upcoming baby. While I knew this was inevitable, I don't think these two should breed, at least not now. Britney has turned into what can only be described as unkempt, and now we can add chubby to the list. Hey, I'm no super model (unless you count Super Plus Size Model) but the girl has been caught eating Cheetos and drinking Red Bull like it's going out of style. Not to mention that I put more effort into my appearence when I go out in public than she does, and no one is taking my picture. Or she just doesn't care. In that case, I can't say I blame her. She has enough money to live off of (K. Fed., too) for the rest of her life, so why bother? So anyway, kudos to the lucky couple, even if Britney is no more ready to have a baby than I am.

Britney and Kev also now have their own reality television program. I would say that I would never endorse such a thing by watching it but that would be a huge lie. I will watch it, religiously I'm sure.

Also in the news: Rosa Parks has settled her lawsuit against Outkast. Now, maybe I live in a tunnel, but I thought this headline was a joke. Rosa Parks is actually still living? I knew she was tough but...whoa. I guess Outkast is making up for some stupid lyric by making some video and teaching kids about Rosa or whatever. Great. That should really fix it.

Next: A bunch of stars have entered and left rehab as well as got caught with drugs/being drunk when they shouldn't of been. I won't bother to mention who because this just seems part of being "famous" so you can just insert whatever name you find appropriate. There is so much pressure that celebrities need to turn to the bottle, or perscription bottle, if you will. I'm...indifferent.

Fred Durst has pitched his own reality television show to...someone. I will not under any circumstances be watching this unless my cable goes out, I'm locked in my room, both my legs are broken, I'm temporarily blind and deaf and his show is on the only channel that I can get.

Michael Jackson is still crazy.

Oh and uh, Happy Tax Day.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Less than stimulating

I'm still at work and get to go home in about 15 minutes, so this may be cut short (read: no links). I want to write it, but at the same time, I really kinda don't because work sucked today and I hate everyone.

The Idol is really starting to suck. This saddens me and makes me want to call those assholes over at Fox BUT it doesn't mean I will ever stop watching. Of course I will always watch.

Hi, my name is Stephanie....and I'm addicted to American Idol, no matter how hack or disturbing it may become.

Last night's theme was "Songs from the Year you were Born." What a sorry excuse for a theme. They really seem to be running out of ideas. Simon does look really tired.

Nadia sings a song that no one knows and Simon tells her she'll probably get kicked off. I think she has too much affect in her voice and her face when she performs. I also hate her because she looks so good in everything AND because she bites her lower lip when she smiles. That will always bother me.

Bo Bice was pretty good and lost the shiny shirt this week, which was a relief. His long, stringy hair is actually growing on me. Oh...and the fact that his real name may or may not be Bogart. That's just...precious.

Anwar sings a Dionne Warwick song, which goes to show that he actually is gay. The half open shirt to reveal a hairless chest supports this theory further. Go me.

Anthony was born in 1985 which makes me feel old. I know I was born only 5 years earlier but it still seems like so much. I really wish I could have been born in '79. That was such a good year, wasn't it? Anyway, Anthony needs to stop humping the air. Still, he sang pretty well...if you like that high pitched crooner sort of thing, which I do not.

At this point, I would like to mention Johnny Damon's new commerical for Puma. I never thought he was all that attractive, but put a paper bag over his head and I WANT THAT ASS. He has a fiiiiiiiiiine bod. I had to wipe the drool off of my chin after that. Oh man, just thinking about it is making me randy.

Also, the scary Six Flag's mascot has returned. Begin nightmares of getting attached by a dancing geriatric.

Vonzell sang a song that reminded me of Footloose, which is a fucking great movie. Not only that, but she so friggin cute and she's my new favorite. That's right!! NEW FAVORITE ALERT.

Scott. Oh Scott. I have not looked at you the same since I heard you beat up the mother of your son with a telephone. Your denim shirt is horrible and you hit about two notes correctly. Oh, and he pulled some macho crap after Simon said he had to "keep it real." So lame.

Carrie sang "Love is a Battlefield" which is one of my favorite 80s songs. Not only that, but that girl can ROCK a pair of jeans. Holy hotness! Loved it.

Constantine is disgusting. He's not handsome or sexy at all. I will not even pretend to understand the appeal. And he sang all of the easy parts of "Bohemian Rhapsody" which just about everyone in America can do. Good job...really.

Do I even need to mention Paula? Or the fact that Randy's teeth look like Day-Glo?

OH, so much hateration. Oh well. I warned you.

A Letter to the President

Dear Doll,

I see that you left a few pieces of paper on my desk this morning. Did you need me to do something with them or have you gone ahead and assumed that I've finally perfected my mind reading skills? I do, in fact, understand that you own this small, shitty company. Good for you. However, I question whether this gives you the balls to assume that I am your secretary. I do not think it does. Perhaps if you need or want someone to press buttons or make phone calls on your behalf, you should hire a secretary. Until then, I am not here to tend to every piece of crap that happens to come across your desk.

Now, perhaps I should have more respect for you. Perhaps I should realize that you own this company and should be able to do whatever it is you see fit. I do not agree. I would like to think, may it be naively, that should I one day own my own company, not only would it be considerably less shitty, but I would behave as I would want my employees to behave. For example: Instead of coming into the office at least an hour late everyday, I would show up on time, even early if need be. This sets an example for your other employees and boosts moral. If the owner of this god forsaken hell hole gets here on time every morning, then I should make an effort as well. In that same vein, perhaps you should refrain from treating the people who work very hard for you like peons and slaves.

This may help things, even if only a little.

Before I forget...the new sales guy you hired? No one likes him. Good luck with that.

Best Regards,

Monday, April 11, 2005

Scholarship applicants go to the beach in ugly bikinis

Ah yes. Things don't get any better than this.

I'm home, in my pajamas, eating mini milanos...watching the Miss USA Pageant. It isn't because I'm really interested in who wins, nor am I looking for fashion tips. Good thing. I'm here to point, laugh and shut my eyes really tight in hopes that this year, someone actually trips.

There girls are a fugly nightmare. I mean...some of these ladies are TORE UP. And I'm not being mean and bitter. I'm being honest. And let's not forget that I HATE Billy Bush, our shrimp of a host, so I must really want to watch this.

We begin by announcing the top 15 based on the last two weeks of interviews, talent competitions and just general presentation. Because I have seen the movie Miss Congeniality, I happen to be an expert on this. I think the judges made some good choices. Moving on...

The evening dress competition yields some seriously hideous gowns. Is this what young girls are wearing these days? I hope not. They are showcasing everything from a bikini top and saraong as gown to a horrid, puffy yellow smattering of material that even my sister, whose prom was in the EARLY 90s, would not have been caught dead in. It was shocking but still oh so entertaining.

Then there are the little bios wedged between the evening gown and swimsuit competitions, so we know these girls can actually speak and are not merely skin covered robots. They all have little tidbits of knowledge to share like "Always dream big" and "Set realistic goals for yourself everyday and always meet them" but they are all saying the same thing, really, and it's this: "Hey you, sitting at home in your pajamas, eating cookies and making fun of us...who's on TV and who's not SUCKA."

Or I could be imagining things.

Then: The Miss Congeniality Award. This is the "You're not good enough or pretty enough or skinny enough to actually win this thing but you sure do make the other girls laugh" award. Good job Wisconsin!

And Miss Photogenic goes to...Miss Texas! You may have not made it to the final 15 but at least you take a nice picture!

The swimsuits are next. At this point, I'm going for California to take the crown. She's cute, she seems pretty sassy and she has big hips. I end up picking one of the top 5. I'm sure her sexy, pseudo strip routine during the swimsuit jaunt had nothing to do with it.

But I almost forget to mention the jugdes. Somehow, former boxers, fashion models, Olympians and daytime television stars are the most qualified to chose Miss USA. I'm puzzled. But then I imagine that they are all on the phone with their publicists during the commercial breaks, cursing them out for being saddled with such a horrible fate. It starts to make more sense.

Then...random, meaningless questions asked by Billy Bush and his blond bimbo sidekick. He just asked one of the lovely contestants about her pet cow, and another about her "perfect man." How this has anything to do with her ability to do charity work, fashion shoots, talk show appearences, etc. for the next year is beyond me. Apparently they just want to make sure that the ladies can form sentences and know the difference between nouns and verbs. They all seem to do fairly well.

BUT THEN...Here comes the FINAL QUESTION. It all hinges on this, people!!

California goes first.
"If you could know one thing about your future, what would you want it to be and why?"
She gives an answer about how she likes the spice of life and doesn't want to know her future. I can see right through her lies. Who doesn't want to know the future? Freak.

Then North Carolina:
"What famous person does your personality most parallel?" Oprah. She says Oprah.

"What has been your greatest challenge and what have you learned from it?"
I guess she started her own granite business and has learned that it's hard for women to be in construction. Genius.

"What do you feel is the most challenging thing facing women your age?"
Self esteem issues. She basically says we all just need to relax and stop complaining about being fat. Yeah, sure.

"What do you think of someone who is a hero?"
She says that she is a positive person and puts others in front of herself. I thought the ability to fly/climb walls/fight crime a hero made, but apparently I was mistaken. These girls are too quick for me!!

The winner gets, among other things, a year's worth of Cover Girl makeup. If I won that, I would immediately try to trade it in for something makeup that isn't cheap and doesn't suck. Oh, and a one time speaking role on Passions. All of my dreams just came true.

This needs to end soon because the sight of Billy Bush is making me nauseous.

They certainly do wisk those runner ups off the stage quickly...

And Miss USA 2005 is...North Carolina. She really is cute, even if she said she thought she was just like Oprah.

I was wrong about California. I may never recover from the shame.

I'm so good at everything

Oh Monday. You and I, we go waaaaaaaaay back.

First off, the top story: I look completely ridiculous today. I spent quite a bit of time in the great outdoors yesterday, only to come home and immediately turn beet red. I tend to burn easily the first few times I lay out in the summer, but this is just plain idiodic. I was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants yesterday, yet every square inch that could have possibly been burned by the sun was...and is. Even my scalp hurts. My face was saved, thanks to my SPF 15 moisterizer that I am so glad I chose to put on, even though I missed taking a shower.

I just look and feel like a complete moron.

I am also extremely unmotivated. I think I'll just buckle down and get this crap done or I'll only regret it later.

Friday, April 08, 2005

HSHT and see through tank tops

I'm so dreadfully bored.

So there's this job that Company Y wants to recruit me for, but the location ain't all that and I'm sure the money isn't either. Do I even bother? I think that depends on how desperate I am to get out of this hell hole. I have to figure out, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being I only hate my job 3 days out of the week, 10 being I think about how much I hate my job constantly, even when I'm not here), my depth of despair.

Today, I will give myself a 6.

It's not too bad, except for the fact that, sure, there are things for me to do, but I have no will. I worked hard up until about noon and then I just shut off. Probably because most of these "projects" that I'm given are pointless and stupid. Their only function is to make The Doll feel as if he has some sort of hold on this company. He's such an idiot.

He has hired a new VP of Sales. I will call him High School History Teacher or HSHT for short. I know I have written here before how much he reminds me of my crusty, ancient, balding, creepy, mumbling teacher of yore. He's like The Doll's little ventriloquist dummy. They are both old and crusty and reek of Old Man Smell. DORK.

Also in the category of things that send me over the edge, I would also like to mention something (or pair of somethings) I saw at the gym last night. The lovely young woman on the bike facing me was very cute on my first glance up from my Glamour article on "How to Make Any Body Feel Good." She had a cute little bod and some fantastic vintage glasses on. While reading about which bathing suit would most flatter my "plus size figure" (Glamour's categories, people), I looked up again and was greeted by her two, perky, very brown nipples. They were clear as day through her pink tank top. I couldn't look away. I almost said something to her like "Uhm, excuse me? Yeah, you have a sweatshirt or something you could put on?" but then realized that perhaps this show was intentional, which made me snicker to my plus size self.

Maybe when I become a plus size model and get my breast reduction, I'll walk around the gym like that, too.


Thursday, April 07, 2005

Ding Dong, The No-Talent Son of a Baseball Star is dead (gone...whatever)!

I just read a blog entirely devoted to television and the Idol details have put me to shame. SHAME!

I'm entirely happy that Nikko is gone. I hated him, really. Enough with the elaborate, note-jumping, vocal trips crap. You suck. And you already have enough money to live on and not have to work for the rest of your life. I don't want to hear your whining.

Tuesday's show left so much to be desired. It's hardly worth writing about, but of course I will. I miss Jessica dearly. I'm not crazy about any of the contestants left on the show and my unabashed love for all that is The Idol has severely mellowed. Maybe I have grown a soul. It could be anything really.

Moving on...
Now, I love showtunes. There is something so innocent and wholesome about them and I can't get enough. It might have something do with the fact that my father, for a straight man, owns more musical soundtracks than I think he would like me to mention here. In any case, I was excited when I heard that was this week's theme. But my hopes were so quickly dashed that it left my head spinning.

There are plenty of non-boring showtunes that don't suck the will to live out of you. These fucking contestants picked THE WORST ones.

Constantine is disgusting and makes me want to throw up all over the front of myself. His drooling and sucking on the microphone while staring into the camera with those little beady eyes, trying to convince himself that he's sexy, is just enough to make me throw up the homemade lasagna I just ate. I'm not exaggerating.

Now, I want to give Anwar some mad props. I know I said some not so nice things about him last week, but he sang a song from "Camelot" (my favorite song) so I'm cutting him some slack. But he still doesn't move me, not in the slightest. It probably has something to do with the jacket he was sporting that looked like something out of Interview with the Vampire II: Wardrobe Malfunction.

Vonzell may be edging in as my new favorite. I'll use the word loosely because she has not won my heart yet, but she may be on her way there. Those people backstage have really made her up nice.

I hate Anthony. Why would anyone think that removing a pair of glasses and putting on white pants with loafers is going to increase their popularity with me?

And Bo. Oh Bo. Who in the HELL sings a song from PIPPIN?? That has to be the worst written musical EV.ER. What were you thinking? Have you no sense? Grease Lightning would have been AWESOME Bo, awesome! I loved the pants, but the shirt gave me a migraine. Lay off on the sparkles, bud.

No one else is worth mentioning.


Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Moving up and moving on

I feel strange. I've just gotten in a disagreement with a long-time friend over email and she's told me she's "done."
I should feel sad about losing her as a friend.

But I'm not.

I'm more sad at how she handled an intial email from me, trying to explain my recent actions and feelings. She delivered a very low blow in response and once again...I'm disappointed.

But here's the good thing: I don't want to be friends with someone who would do that.

So now, I'm not.

Here's to gaining a better understanding of people and knowing the true meaning of friendship.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Remove it...and it will go away

Surprise everyone.

I am feeling that way again.

I spent a considerable amount of time this evening talking about changing my diet and taking serotonin supplements in place of what I currently take and it has made me feel almost hopeful. So this is a good thing.

However. I can't seem to win lately. I'm up, then I'm down. I'm happy, then I'm really fucking pissed off. Some consistency would be nice.

In an effort to start (clear throat) anew, I have deleted some comments that have been bothering me here, from a while ago, that some of you may be familiar with. I just didn't even want them in existence anymore. I also deleted the responses, but please just know it was nothing personal.

I need to just grab the fucking horns and stop whining.
I hope it doesn't hurt too much.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

It's like one of those dreams when you're naked but everyone else has clothes on

So I went public again.

I know I shouldn't because I know people have been fired for their blogs.

I don't think I would be fired for mine. And if I was, they would have to give me some kind of package, right? Eh, whatever. I feel like a pussy so I'm going for it.



She's alright, but she's no princess

The Red Sox are losing to the Yankees. It brings back bad memories.

So I thought I would write a little about memories.

I went to the movie Ice Princess with my cousin today. I had free passes and we couldn't see Miss Congieniality II: Armed and Fabulous so we had to settle for something even more cheesy. But this isn't about the movie.

Well, maybe it is.

On the ride back to drop my cousin off, we started talking about our childhoods. We're only a year and a half apart and it just suddenly dawned on me that we aren't very close...but we really should be. We have quite a bit in common, like our mutual love for cheesy movies, hatred of U2 and quirky senses of humor, just to name a few. We are also genuises...both of us.

But then she told me a story about my miserable excuse for a mother, and I understood why I had just recently come to realize all that we had in common.

I was six and she was a day shy of being eight. We were in a car accident somewhere in a parking lot in New Jersey. But the interesting part of the story came the day after. For my cousin's birthday, I, for some strange reason, also received presents.

I barely remember my childhood, while my cousin has an impecable memory of events. Every time I learn something new or all of a sudden remember a small piece of my past, I understand things just that much more. Even though my mother did her damndest to make us feel we were competing (jealous, etc.) with each other, we both came out pretty fucking good...considering. Sure, there were some bumps in the road (guilt, depression, etc.) but we're both the stronger for it.

Even if it took so much longer than it should have, we're better friends and cousins for it.

And plus, I cried during a fucking Disney movie and she mad fun of me for it, which she should have. I'm sensitive. I can't help it.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Disappointment as Life Lesson

So by now, one would think I would have learned my lesson about anticipation. That sometimes, if you anticipate something so much, analyzing and overanalyzing its eventual occurrence, it may turn out to disappoint you. This is because it has been built up so much that your hopes and dreams and wishes for said event can never realistically be fulfilled. Not ever.

I haven't learned this lesson yet. I still tend to hold upcoming events (and people) up so high that I am almost always disappointed by them. I've tried to lower my expectations, but I feel I shouldn't have to. Or should I?

Do I lower my standards because so many other people have either lowered theirs or they were low to begin with? Should I not get excited about things? Should I not have faith in people?

I just don't know.