Friday, March 31, 2006

I hope I lose weight from all this sweating

It hasn't been the best day. I came in this morning ready to go and started off well. My very arduous and singular task for this week was almost complete: I was on the home stretch!

Then the unthinkable happened:

I spilled hot chocolate ALL OVER MY DESK. Not only did it get in my keyboard, on my mouse pad and soak my wrist rest, but it got all over ME and my favorite blazer...which happens to be white stripped. I'll beg the dry cleaner to erase the damage. I'll pay extra. This is the best $12.97 blazer I've ever had in my entire existence. Or only. Whichever.

The majority of the liquid ended up on the pile of papers that I have been working from all week (see reference to "arduous task" above) and therefore I had to reprint all that crap out and re-highlight in my special secret code and...

Needless to say, this made me real cranky. Toxic cranky. Not a place anyone likes to visit.

So, that happened.

I'm better now, but it was quite the rough patch. Thank god for Dunkin' Donuts and sunlight.

In other news, I should hear about the new (but not really) job on Monday or Tuesday. I'm already preparing myself for NOT getting it and I'm also preparing myself for the idea that I may be stuck here for a while longer. These are not happy thoughts. BUT, things happen for a reason.


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

What I need is what I've not got

Damn, people!

I'm a big ball of stress and nerves and bitchiness. Count yourself as one of the lucky ones if you don't have to see me, talk to me or in general "deal" with me for the rest of this week. If, however, you are one that does talk to me or see me on a regular basis well...don't say I didn't warn you and please don't give me crap about it.

I can't help it. I constantly feel like I'm going to throw up.

Why, you ask?

Well, let me just friggin' TELL YOU.

1. I had a second interview for a great position within the company that I currently work for. This would be a transfer and I would technically be doing the same thing that I do now, just in a different capacity and in a different environment. More work? Hell yes...try four times more. No more blog entries like, ever. Better, less annoying and much less crappy job? Hell yes. More money? Who the hell knows. Your guess is as good as mine. Even though I already work here, I still have to go through an extensive interview process. What I have left is what I thought would be a phone interview with who would be my bosses boss, but is now an IN PERSON interview. This means I go back for a THIRD time. Yes folks, I already work here and I have a THIRD interview.

Do I have the job or not? My background and what I can bring to the job is what they are looking for. The commute is shorter. The situation is better. Will I be working 60 hours a week for the first 4 months? Most likely, yes. Will I care? Well...let's cross that bridge when I come to it, eh? It may be a non-issue. I may have to rot here.

2. I need THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Elaine is driving me NUTS. She was actually talking to me today about emails that had been sent last week as if she had received them today, as if it wasn't news to everyone else except her. Shut up you ninny!

3. Nick is waiting to here back on an offer for a job he interviewed for yesterday. I can't stand all this anticipation!!!!

Thank god The Idol is on tonight and I can get completely absorbed in that.

And thank god for The Little One, Sexy Mama and The Phat Physical Trainer (I know I know...I couldn't think of anything better).

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

In Loving Memory

My grandmother passed away yesterday very suddenly. My family is working through the unexpectedness and ironing out the details today. I've decided to stay home and write a little something about her.

My grandmother was totally cool. She was sassy, loud-mouthed and almost never without an opinion. I will miss her so much for making me laugh with her outrageous comments, and for making any family function where she was present that much more hilarious. She will be missed and I am so sad that I'll never get to laugh with her again.

The last time I saw her was in the fall on Cape Cod. She came over to my parent's house for dinner and to meet my new boyfriend. She brought her own Scotch with her (of course!) and told us all about her most recent trip to the movie theater to see Capote, which she thought was an amazing film. She very much liked my new boyfriend and said this to me before she left for the night: "Make sure you tell me right after you get engaged to this one because I need to go out and buy a new dress. He's a very nice young man."

It makes me smile and cry at the same time now.

Grandma Ruth, may you make everyone, wherever you are, laugh all day, everyday. I love you very much.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Nap Integration

I ate more food than any human should in one sitting at lunch this afternoon. It was an amazing experience.

But now I need a nap.

And why shouldn't we all be allowed to nap during the day? They let kindergartners do it...why not grown adults? I can bring in a pilates mat and a blanket and curl up on the floor with the best of them. Hell, I'll even change into my pajamas for the occasion. We need to recharge just as much (if not more) than those little brats do. It just isn't fair.

I read somewhere at some point that everyone would be in a better mood if we all took naps. I don't remember when or where but it just had to be true.

I can't wait to take off my pants.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

That little shit...

Greetings from the great world of commerce!

While there are some entertaining/soul crushing things going on here in the ole office, there are other, much more important issues to discuss. Namely...Kevin Covais. At first I liked little Kevin. I liked his effortless charm and his super old parents. I liked that he's not popular in high school and I like that he may have stopped growing. I also enjoyed the first two or three times he referred to himself as a "sex symbol." It was endearing.

What I don't like are the fourth through twenty times that he referred to himself as a sex symbol, his dead on impersonation of Fievel from An American Tail or his cocky, hardass attitude toward someone who may know just a *little* more about his singing ability than he does.

I will also ALWAYS side with Simon. Always. The man is a fucking genuis.

And now:
The Workplace Entertainment aka The Romper Room.

Elaine looks as if she has just gone through about 48 hours of herione detox and, conversely, has just come head on with a fast moving locomotive. Her desk is a complete mess and I think I can actually see her brain bouncing around in her head. The woman could make holding her head in her hands a national sport. Poor thing! I feel bad but...then again, I really don't.

Shit...I need to do some work.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Duff Man

I saw Ryan Seacrest interviewing Hilary Duff on E! this morning while burning off some stomach fat at the gym. No, I did not go to work today. Or yesterday. But I suppose I will return tomorrow. I came down with a "stomach flu" over the weekend which very much robbed me of my energy and my will to live, let alone return to work. "Elaine" has called me twice now "just to talk and check up on me" and tell me how "dead" it is in the office. Why? Why can't she just leave me the fuck alone? I've been vomitting and shitting out my insides all weekend, haven't I? Can't I get a fuckin' break?

I digress.

Ms. Duff looks as if she has starved herself beyond recognition and, in addition, looks as if she is preparing for a sex change operation. She is so skinny that her chest and cheeks are concave. The entire time Seacrest was showing her around his new E! digs, she had her arms across her chest as if she didn't want anyone to see that she has transformed into a very masculine looking skeleton. She also looked like she hadn't eaten in days, a sort of shuffling of the feet feeling that reminds me of Paris Hilton. As in..."Look, the only thing I've eaten today is a tub of no fat cottage cheese and a Grande skim latte from Starbucks and I'm just fucking tired and there is no way I am picking my feet completely off the ground when I walk."

This gave me an idea. I would be more than willing to help Ms. Duff with her obvious and awkward problem by donating some of the weight that I gained during the holidays that I have yet to lose. In my mind, this offers the perfect solution: Hilary gets to look like a real live girl again and I get to look skinny! It's PERFECT! I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

In other news:
Some sucker who works in a different part of my company has applied for the now open management position in my location. He's coming to "observe" on Thursday, which really means to coming to see for himself what a suckfest it is. Instead of looking at this and being pissed off and shaking my fist in the air, I have decided to approach the whole thing with gusto. My therapist told me something to keep telling myself: Keep doing the stuff you are doing and let the other two dig their own graves. Well, I may have paraphrased but the gist is still there. While it is terribly draining and difficult to attend work these days, I still have to go, face the music and be a big girl about the whole thing. I can't have a stomach flu forever...but long term disability is tempting.

There is another internal opening that I'm not really qualified for, but desparate times call for desparate measures. I just have to wait for the right time to bring it my soon-to-be-determined manager.

Friday, March 10, 2006


My co-worker, Elaine*, asked me what was bothering me today.

My outloud response: "I'm just tired."

My inloud response: "I fucking hate you, that's what's bothering me. You should have been the one fired, you should have been the one punished. And I hate how you suck up to people and I hate how fake you are. I hate how you think you have it all figured out. I hate how you make me give you high fives when there is nothing really that has happened to warrant a high five. I just fucking hate my job and everything involved in it right now. And I hate that I can't quit because I'm too fucking safe and because I care too much about what I've started. And as far as I'm concerned, it's all your fault because you were the one who told them to hire me. THANKS."

I don't really hate Elaine, I promise. Elaine just gets under my skin because she places blame where it should not be placed and because she is very inconsistent with her behavior. Inconsistency, in case you haven't noticed, is one of the things that makes my blood boil. I've had to deal with too much of it in my personal life. We work here, we get paid to be here so do your fucking job. I should be able to depend on her. Alas, I cannot. And that's why I'm so pissed off.

I like my new boss, but I wish she would unconditionally see things my way and make changes accordingly. I wish she would take me away from this place.

Elaine, before leaving the office, wished me a nice weekend and then added "I hope that things get better for you."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from telling her that things would be WAY better if a) she actually started doing her job and stopped being such a fake fuck or 2) she would quit and go away forever.

You wouldn't know it was Friday. Or that I really wasn't a bitch in the above situation.

*Real names have been changed to protect me.

Oh And...

Because I'm such a fucking genius, I can now post my heart away at work. I've found a work around. And I'm streaming live music which I should not technically be able to do.


I have that going for me.

One of the few things.

You know that feeling you get when you think of have a stray hair or something on your face or in your mouth and it drives you crazy so you either dig around in your mouth to find it or grab empty air around your face to try and get rid of it because this phantom hair is driving you NUTTY?

Well, I have one of those on my face, right under my eye and I can't seem to get rid of it. It must have something to do with my subconsious. My hair isn't even long enough to being hanging in my face.

I want to go outside.

A new level of Bloat

That's with a capital "B."

My body has officially told me to fuck off. I've taken to going back to the gym this past week and have gained (yes, GAINED) weight. I'm thinking it's my body telling me that I've put it under too much stress, that all the crap I'm internalizing has resulted in a very pregnant looking belly.

I need some assistance. Or maybe a needle to pop myself...who knows.

Is that gross?

Monday, March 06, 2006

In other news...

I did not succeed in making US Airways my bitch. Actually, I think at this point they have made me their bitch. Short of hiring a lawyer and spending money I don't have and will most likely never see again, I've given it my all. And shouldn't that count for something?

Yep, it sure does!




I was looking for Pleasure Town and this is the shit I found

I wrote this earlier today while at work BUT the COMPANY has now blocked my ability to post in my blog (the nerve) so I had to email myself what I wrote (I didn't lose it!) and re-post here. See what I do for you? SEE?!?!?

I had every good intention of writing over the weekend and replying to all of your comments. Alas, this did not occur. And now that I am here (well at work, but still) and trying to respond to your comments, I learn that, in the true spirit of this company, they have blocked access to my blog. Yet ironically enough, I can still access blogger (the root of the blog) and my hotmail. Great. But I've read them all and thank you and all that. And yes, Kristin, I did get the picture of the geese that you sent me in the mail and I peed myself a little when I opened it.

I'll be honest and say I'm not doing all that well today. The morale here in the ole office is very low. There were tears this morning (not from me). We are all pissed off, if to different degrees. We are all confused and completely overwhelmed and not able to focus. As Nick would say (bless his heart), I am steadily trotting along the road to Negative Town and trying with all my might to turn around. But this cloud has no silver lining. This whole thing just plain sucks. And I'm stuck here, at least for now.

That said, I'll do my best to make the best of an otherwise uncomfortable and dreadful situation. I've put out on the table all of my honest and forthright thoughts about the situation and I have no regrets. I have joined another gym in order to work out some of my aggression and get out of my apartment (I got a pretty good deal, too). The money situation, for now, looks less bleak and my lesbian hairdo is starting to progress into the fierce stages (even if not on this particular day).

I'm also pretty pissed that Crash won Best Picture last night. Clearly the Academy is made up of a bunch of pussies. Now, Crash was a good picture, but Brokeback Mountain was an amazing picture, regardless of your thoughts on the subject matter. I went to bed at 10pm because the montages were getting to me and even Jon Stewart's valiant attempts at humor could in no way keep me entertained.

Fuckin' Academy.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

There is entirely too much

Oh ladies and gents!

What a week it has been...WHAT A WEEK IT HAS BEEN.

There is not possibly enough time for me to write in full about everything that has occured. Partially because I'm at work and partially because I just plain don't have the energy.

I will start with the important things first.

1. THE IDOL. This week, the ladies were, for the most part, a complete suckfest. The gentleman were quite a bit better. My early favorites: Katherine, The Pickler, Mr. Dashing Dantry and Elliott. Do I have predications yet? NO. Are there contestants that I wish I could vote off? Yes. One. And her name is The Bitch that is Brenna. From hence forth, she is BTIB, The Bitch, or, if I'm lazy...Brenna. Results are tonight and boy do I have tunnel vision.

2. The Boyfriend Status. My man is doing much better. He has an interview tomorrow. I love him more than I ever have. Through everything, he is my rock and I am his. I cannot wait to officially start my life with him. Sure, we fight. Sure we disagree on many things. But I just can't picture a day in my life without him. (barfing noises are acceptable if you need them to be).

3. My sister. No, I haven't quite spoken to her in length just yet. Sure, it upsets me a bit BUT bottom line: She's my sister, I love her and we will always have each other no matter what. We have the tragedy that is our mother in common. Maybe a bit of a break from each other's drama is what we need.

4. My J-O-B. I have to keep this vague because I would never want to risk my professional career because of my blog. It has happened to some good people. It has also happened and then made life better for those people. I'd rather not take the risk. A sketchy summary: my boss was fired yesterday and the way I have known my job to be has ONCE AGAIN completely changed from what it was before. Let's take an assessment: This will be about the fourth time in 7 months. I still believe in what I do and I still want to maintain my professionalism. But I'm pissed off and I'm not keeping that a secret. Karma better be a BIG FUCKING BITCH in this case.

Some shout outs:
Pretty Miss: Congrats on the new job! I wanted to make my good wishes to you official. And I love you to pieces.
Sexy Mama: You are a beautiful woman and an amazing friend. You're not alone and you can talk to me WHENEVER. Smooches and HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
Cousin Tiara: Congrats on your new job as well! Nick has already asked about free, limited edition Star Wars toys. Just throwing that out there.
MC: We need to hang out. Especially since you now live back at home. You must be maddened.
Cuz over the Sea: Uhm...someone asks me for a HUGE LONG EMAIL because she said she would kill me if I didn't write one to her and I get NOTHING. What the fuck, dude?
M-Kizzle: You rock, you roll and you are the best boss this girl has ever had (and I had EIGHT at that other company alone).
My surrogate mom and my surrogate bro: I miss you both SO much. I know I'm lame about calling and getting together and I'm terribly sorry. Just know that I think of you both often.

If I've left anyone out, I'm a big asshole.