You're a bear, man

Nothing puts the world right like a viewing of the best movie of all time. If I can't watch The Idol, it's the next best thing.

It makes me so happy, I could almost cry. Yep.

I was so wound up on the way home, so distraught with the ways of the world, that I went through the McDonald's drive thru, which just happens to be on the way home from the T station. I'm not worried about making a habbit of it. But I needed it. I was craving it. And it was delicious.

A large fry, two cheeseburgers and a small chocolate shake later, Swingers was on and and I was in my sweats. Actually, I ate a cheeseburger while I was changing into my sweats.

God, this movie is good.

I'm stealing internet again. It's behaving for the time being. I'm trying to download Mandy Moore's new album from iTunes and it's taking for fucking EVER.

I thought I was a fast walker, I really did. But the majority of T commuters in Boston walk faster than I do. It's amazing really. I can't figure it out. I felt like I was racing with everyone. And I suppose we were to some extent.

And everyone looks so angry. And I find myself annoyed with the people who don't look angry. I caught my reflection on the T and I looked downright miserable. Probably because I was.

The scene where Rob yells at Mikey because he focuses too much on the negative and not enough on the positive hit extra close to home tonight. I feel like such a whiner. But then I remember the song's opening credits, paired with "You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You" and I wonder if the movie is making fun of itself (as it does often, which is one of the many thing that make it so awesome) or if that really is true.

I'm slightly better now. That tight feeling in my chest makes it hard to breath buuuut I don't feel like I'm drowning. I'll shower and continue to try to calm down. Swingers on a continuous loop may do the trick.

"If all else fails, you can blame it on me"

One of my favorite BNL lines.

Appropriately, it's how I feel today.

Most of the time, I can handle the unending cycle of people coming to me for advice, help or guidance. Most days, I welcome it. So many people in my life, in my work, they need something from me. And while it's great to feel needed, I've just had enough today.

I'm being selfish today. Apologies in advance.

Not having all the pieces together in my new place is making me uber cranky. I can't get cable and internet until the 9th of February. I have pure static now when I plug the TV in. Someone suggested rabbit ears...but I've spent so much money lately, I can't justify them. What this means is that I cannot watch The Idol.

There is also an additional piece of furniture that my parents are giving me to complete the living room. Trash day is Saturday, so I can get rid of all the empty boxes. The washer/dryer come on Saturday as well.

The commute is OK, it's just a matter of getting used to it.

I think I will feel better after this week is over. Or I hope I do.

The other reason I'm cranky? I'm still so sad...I had an upsetting dream last night about a certain recent flame who dumped me over lunch. Ugh...I need to get over it and move on already.

Accent Pillows Redux

I started writing an entry last night while I was stealing wireless internet from one of my new wrought iron laden neighbors, but it kept going in and out and I lost patience because I had a crazy painful headache.

I was writing about my new accent pillows, along with various other purchases I made yesterday for the new pad. I'm getting settled in...but it's pretty weird to be alone. Like...ALONE alone. Not just..."I'm here by myself but other people still live here" alone but..."I am the only person who lives here" alone. It's super strange. I started to think this morning (while I was brewing my very own coffee in my very own kitchen) that it's way too nice (don't get me wrong, it's no penthouse, but it's really nice compared to where I've spent the last 5 years) and that I almost don't deserve it. Isn't that terrible?

In other news, I'm discovering all sorts of wonderful things in Revere and surrounding area. The highlight of yesterday: A valet carwash...for $6.

Ode to the vibrating heating pad

I am so very tired.

Last night was a welcome relief (Cute toddler, The Idol and delicious home cooked meal that I would never make myself? Sign me UP!) to the hell that has been packing and moving this week. Was it this hard last time? The time before that? I really don't think so. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm feeling pretty drained BUT I'm in good health and I'm eating well. All this packing and moving is doing a number on my lower back. My dad would say I'm obviously not lifting enough with my legs. Perhaps...but all is forgotten when the vibrating heating pad (seriously, you need one. Everyone needs one.) lulls me to sleep. I whimper in gratitude.

Not only do I have so much to do in life at the moment (on top of everything, I have to get my friggin car inspected! And those front tires look suspiciously low on air...), but I have so much to do at work. Being busy isn't a bad thing, but I continue to feel just a tad overwhelmed. I suppose it's better than underwhelmed.

In some interesting news, one of my former roommates wants to meet up for dinner and drinks. (As you know, I used to live with boyz) Hrmmmm. Interesting!

Poooooooooo

Don't get me wrong...I'm very excited about having my own place. All of a sudden though, I am fearing loneliness. Isn't that a bit strange? Coming from someone who basically can't stand other people?

(Then again, I am supposedly a "people person" so who knew)

Well, it's true. And I know it's natural for me to freak out about such a big change. And question everything. It's what I do best.

Other than that, so far so good with the move. My parents are being amazingly supportive and generous, I really don't know how I would even cope without them. I can safely say I appreciate them now more than ever.

Other family members, however, are on my shit list. You most likely know who you (or they) are.

The date with Match Greg was just...eh. He's a nice enough guy and even has quite the sweet side. Not to be judgemental (but it's my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want), he's a bit...dumpy. Kind of like he doesn't care too much about what he looks like. And he looks older than his age, and not in a good way. And he was VERY late to meet me.

Am I being too picky?

When he asked me if he could see me again, I said "Yes." What else do I say? To be honest, the thought of kissing him makes me queasy. Sigh. I'm a terrible person.

I don't think I've gotten "you know who" out of my system yet. There is a VERY large reminder of him on the side of the highway on the way to my new place. That really stinks. To think...leaving my current neighborhood would be a nice fresh start. Damn him for being part of a Boston mainstay. DAMN HIM!

But then I think of my loving and adorable AL and her amazing words of wisdom..."He's a loser anyway."

Days until Match.com membership ends: 6.

I'd like to laugh until I cry....but not if I keep crying

Date #1 with Match Greg is TONIGHT. I'm tired, my skin is broken out, I feel bloated and I have a million and one things to do. It's not the best timing...but nothing ever is.

I'm not excited. I've been on too many first dates to get excited or nervous anymore. The best word I can think of to describe my current state is...apprehensive. And tired. Exhausted actually. I can't get enough sleep.

I've already told him it can't be a late night, that I'm moving next weekend and need to get up early tomorrow morning to pack and head to my parents. That I have three weeks of laundry to do. That the sheets on my bed are very ripe...well that last part I didn't tell him.

But I have nothing to wear. And the jeans I want to wear I had to air dry...and we all know how comfortable they will be to squeeze my bloated body into.

We're going to the Comedy Connection to see some tour of four comedians. I wasn't listening when he was telling me about it to be honest. I was trying to figure out why my iTunes wouldn't let me burn a CD. A girl has her priorities.

I hope he's cuter than his pictures. And as tall as he says he is.

Oh the misery

I cannot watch The Idol. This makes me extremely sad.

Why you ask? Is your TV broken? Have you gone blind? What other reason would you not be able to watch a television show that is on a major network?

Oh well...here's why. Super Douche had the cable cut...completely. Not even basic. Not a signal at all. I don't even have bunny ears.

Watching The Idol is one of the basic human needs I have identified for myself. And now I can't even do that. What will become of me?

Some good news: I get to move into my new place early...as in next weekend. Not a whole lot of time you say? No, not at all. I can't collect boxes fast enough. I've packed some, but there is still much to be done. I'm a bit...stressed.

I bought my washer and dryer today. Delivery is scheduled for February 2nd. Hooray! Very very exciting. $800 (including tax, delivery, and extended warranty...cheaper than the laptop, what a deal!) later.

Speaking of the...laptop is acting up again. Remember back in August when it would blank out on me? And then it seemed to have corrected itself? Well, it seems as though my LCD is going. Stupid busted piece of crap. But I was lucky enough to sweet talk Toshiba into an extended warranty even though I was waaaay past due to be eligible for one. So now they can rebuild my motherboard, all for the low low price of $140, and just a few precious days worth of my life on the phone with customer service.

The transition to the new place will be a bit tough. I won't have cable or internet for the first week or so I'm there. Kind of like now. I do need to catch up on reading. My magazines are extremely neglected. I will also need to unpack. I just wish The Idol had waited a few more weeks to start. At least it's not the finals. That's the bright side.

Oh. I supposedly have a date on Friday night. You remember what happened last time when it was supposed, don't you? Well well, Match Greg. You better bring it.

It's been a hell of a week

Where do I even begin?

My new place is all set for a February 1st move in, which is great because Super Douche decided to cut all of the utilities in my current place for the month of February. She also claims lovely roommate and I owe her back payments for the Gas Bill. Reeeeally? I have requested to see said bills.

There was a bit of a scare with the new place...something about the fee to the realtor...but it was cleared up as soon as I threatened to put stop payments on my security deposit and first month's rent checks. Ah...threats always work.

SO...WEST Revere...Here I come! Watch out!

Work has been insane this week. We are restructuring and moving people around, not to mention all of the financial crap (and drama) that comes with trying to close 2007. (I'm still at work, on a Friday night, as I write this).

Match Justin flaked out yet again on our plans...via email. I didn't write him back. Waste of my energy. If he actually wants to go out on a date with me (which I highly doubt he does), he can call me. Period.

I'm a bit nervous that my Match account has almost expired, I won't lie. I feel like it's always a bit of a back up plan. (Bored on a Monday night? Let's look on Match!) What's good is that I can always renew, if I feel so desperate and lonely that I find it necessary. Now that I'll be living alone, this may be the case. However, it will no longer be in the budget (clever, clever).

Speaking of the new budget, it may get a bit tight, especially after I buy everything I need for the new place, including a washer and a dryer. But I kind of don't care at this point. I'm ready to drain the savings (within reason) to love where I live. Tax time (and hopefully a fat return) will be of assistance.

What else? I'm exhausted...and I have so much to do this weekend.

But really...bring it on. It's not like I have a date or anything.

In all the excitement, I forgot to tell you

I heard from Match Justin and we have a date on Saturday night. Supposedly.

So Big!

WELL today was a busy day.

After work, I drove to the real estate agent's office and signed my Tenant At Will Agreement for my new apartment. I wrote two checks for more than I think I've ever written a check. It was sort of like right after I drove my new car off the lot two years ago...exciting, scary and...scary.

Than again, I wasn't dealing with cash at that time. Today was cash...

Then (once again) I came home to the smell of rotting old man and overflowing trash cans. After I took a breath, I realized that I wasn't even annoyed anymore. I'm counting down the days until I can get the hell out of here.

This is such a huge step, something I've been looking forward to for a long, long time. Perhaps I am just in disbelief that it's finally happened.

I did out the budget, I did the homework. I'm OK.

I think.

Embrace it!

So I found an apartment today...for just little old me. Seems I can swing it budget- wise, with just a bit to spare.

I'm relieved, to say the least. I think I found a good place and I feel a calm has come over me. Finally, light at the end of the tunnel.

I go from being thrilled to have found a place of my own (rental application and transferred cash in the bank is pending) to being scared shitless to be on my own. I actually need to purchase a washer and dryer. This is big stuff. Way big.

In other news, Match Justin called me last night. I just got the message this afternoon, when he called me again and left me another voice mail, as I was busy with realtors. I returned his call, left him a voice mail earlier this afternoon and haven't heard from him since. Perhaps he is as lukewarm about the whole dating scene right now as I am. I guess we'll see what happens.

Other items of note:
Tax season is upon us. I hope it means another lump some of money in my pocket. I took a look at the combined credit card balance today and am I proud to say that I've done a most impressive job getting the balances down.

*reaches over and gives self hearty pat on back*

In addition...work seems to be on the up and up. Exciting, actually.

Thank you to my loving and supportive friends who helped me today. I would most certainly shrivel up and lose my will to live, were it not for you.

I hope Karma is as big of a bitch as I am

So Super Douche tells other lovely roommate today that she is moving out as of February 1st. OH REALLY??? That must be nice, since you agreed to give the landlord 60 days notice along with the rest of us. Is she legally obligated? No. We didn't sign a lease. But as lovely roommate has so pointed out, she is obligated as a decent human being to at least pay for another month. It's low rent, trust me...it wouldn't break the bank.

Or wait...maybe it would...since Super Douche hasn't had a job since...July?

In addition, she's transferring the utilities to us...for that one whole month.

Oh we HATE HER.

Princess will get her day in court someday, and if she doesn't, the world really is a fucking unfair place.

Weirdo Weirdos Everywhere!

Remember this guy? And also...this part....

WELL, I got an email from him today via Match.com, after not hearing from him for the better part of a year. Creepy!

His email:
Date received: December 31, 2007
Subject: Test for echo?

I know you hate me-- but I wanted to say that that I dig the new haircut.... Happy New Year!-

No, I'm not writing back. Wow.

In other news...

Match Justin DID call just this past Saturday. We're playing phone tag.

Also...welcome Match Greg into the picture.

Happy Fucking New Year

Oh yes, the fun just keeps on coming...doesn't stop!

Remember my crush? "The MC"? We'd been talking and messaging and had made a date for this coming Friday. He was definitely coming on a bit strong, but I called him out on it and he seemed obliging. He called me last night to wish me a Happy New Year. Well...after sleeping most of the day away today and then checking my email, why I found the following gem from said MC.

So I was doing some thinking and thought since it was officially 08 that I would come clean with you. Don't be mad at me its really a unique situation so hear me out. I should have told you this before but I found you so engrossing and engaging that I thought if I told you everything you wouldn't want to talk to me again, you still may have these feelings but here it goes. So you asked how a guy like me was single, yes its true I am in a relationship of convenience. I am married but once my wife of a few years cheated on me last December we have been going through a life of unknowns. But what we have learned is that we are bound to either try to live with each of our faults or move on. Because of the kids it makes it tough. She and I have decided to live together but can have our cake and eat it too, we just don't want to know about what goes on outside the house. I hope your still reading this, probably not though. You eve r find yourself in a place where you know you need to get out but for some reason your feet are stuck in cement. I can tell you are looking for a real relationship and i admire you for that. Thats why i am coming clean. I do hope we can remain friends cause I think if my life were different we'd be like peas and carrots (Gump not mine). If you are comfortable about continuing our friendship I think we could have some amazing times together. I am so into your eyes, and lips and I find most amazingly your mind. You have a sharp wit and a mind like a firecracker. I have to tell you, I look forward to talking to you and getting to know more about you. I get such a rush. You turn me on mentally and physically. You are the worlds best kisser. I have kissed a few and you are number 1. So if you decide to be done with me just please let me know and I will walk away saying I am sorry for not be upfront with you.&nb sp; I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Hope you can forgive me. After talking to you last night I had a big decision to make. To keep this stuff from you or tell you. So I told you. I could have tried to as you say "just have sex with you" but I knew that wasn't an option but i love the feeling you give me to know you are thinking of me, talking to me, messaging me. I hate this but I owe you! As I end this letter, a run-on paragraph no less, I hope you can find someone to play twister with that is as screwed up as me but I could still play twister with the best of em. Hopefully talk to you later if not, it was a pleasure to get to know you as a person. I will never forget you!

Fuck THAT. I didn't read it in its entirety at first, but trust me, you need to pay attention to the details.

My response? Because this shit ONLY happens to me: Thanks (I guess) for being honest. Let me know when you get divorced. I guess my Friday night just opened up.

I'm all done. DONE.