Instant Gratification

Match Frank wrote me back. The suspense was killing you, I know.

He seems semi-interesting to me, but I'm wondering if that's because I'm not currently distracted by anything else.

He has written the following as a closing to his most recent email:

"I guess I should return the favor in the questions department, but I've only got sexual ones on the mind cause I'm a man...ok, did you play any sports growing up? What did you want to be when you were growing up? And, what kind of bathing suit do you wear (kinda sexual, sorta, maybe). Have a great Monday. (ugh)"

I don't want to write him back right away, as I don't want to seem too anxious. This is the fourth email we've exchanged, so I need to either bite the bullet and give him my number OR cut it short.

But my answers would be:
1. I dabbled in sports growing up, but never really settled on anything. I played basketball in 5th grade (because I was tall), attempted field hockey in 6th grade (because wearing a skirt and running looked fun), thought I loved softball in 7th (then got hammered with a line drive to the thigh while playing with my mother's work team), LOVED floor hockey in gym class in high school (still do) and am a pretty killer volleyball surver (shit yes). I can also throw a football pretty impressively...for a girl. I was a nerd growing up (and still)...straight A's, Academic Decathalon, Yearbook editor, National Honor Society, Tutor. No sports in high school.

2. I really can't recall what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I can tell you that the majority of my teachers, from elementary school to high school, told me to be a lawyer. I still get it. There's still time.

3. Bathing suit? Uhm...I don't have an exciting answer at all. I sport a tankini, black and white polka dots is my favorite one. Or maybe that would excite him, who knows.

He seems like kind of a meathead, but there's something intellectual about him that I can't ignore. He's also pretty cute...for being in his mid 30's. He also has Sprint. Ew. So there seems to be lots of good AND bad.

Hmmm...I'll think about sending him the digits and see where it goes. I'll let you know. (Duh)

It's happening again

So I was really starting to dig Match Frank. You know, after three emails a girl can get hooked. We were writing back and forth pretty furiously Friday and Saturday, and he hasn't replied in over 24 hours to my last email. So perhaps I lost his interest. He lives in New Hampshire and has "working out" listed as his first hobby. He also looks incredibly hairy (one picture contains a shot of his arm hair, which I first mistook as the sleeve of a sweater) and he has 5'10" listed as his height, which probably means I'm level with him in flats. Sigh. Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Today was a good day. I watched two exciting soccer games (who knew 9 year old girls could already be so good at soccer!) and got to sing along with 50 cent and my 7 year old niece in the car, sun out, windows rolled down. Later I came home and cleaned pretty much the entire apartment, which feels good. Now I'm tired and I need to take a shower, as I also put clean sheets on my bed.

I can't tell if my neuroses are getting better or worse. I suppose it doesn't much matter. I'm also PMSing today and feeling pretty...icky. I have all this anxiety about work tomorrow, which is completely unnecessary. I think I'm going to create a meaningful project for myself to keep things interesting. I need more...substance. At least at this very moment.

And of course, I'm still freaking out about money. Per usual.

I didn't feel a thing!

It's Saturday.

I woke up at 6am this morning to take Lola in for her 30K maintenance.

I bought my car at this dealership and they are the only people who have touched my car in the almost two years I've owned it. I've had more problems with it than I would have liked, but most of the unexpected stuff was covered under warranty and they've taken care of it, no questions asked.

They've never charged me more for any service than I've paid anywhere else on other cars I've owned.

Until today.

I got hosed in the hugest way...and I feel betrayed and disappointed. It's my own fault, really. I trusted too soon and didn't look closely enough at the "permission to service" print out that I signed off on before they started to go to town. I didn't know that they were going to deprive me of the downpayment on a house.

Yeah, I'm exagerrating. But it still sucks. Nothing can be done about it now.

Just another time when I should have listened to the tiny voice in my head.

Moving on...

Tomorrow I will drive a total of about 4 hours to see my neice play in two soccer games. I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for that one.

At least I know the car is ready to go.

Besides that, I'm talking to this guy on Match I'll call Frank. He's in his 30's, lives in New Hampshire, and seems cool so far. Only time will tell. I haven't given him my number yet. I'm such a tease.

Dating advice from dear old Dad

accentuate the positive, eliminate the nerds

Single

Of course I changed my Match profile up again. Added some pictures, took some down. Winked at...someone I think.

Then I started to go through the guys on there, like in the old days.

All I can say is:

1. Wow

and

2. Ew

You're nobody 'til somebody loves you

Phew.

It is now officially The Fall. And no, I haven't met a guy that I could imagine being with for the rest of my life. So the psychic was wrong. It wouldn't be the first time a psychic was off the mark.

Right.

I won't lie that yesterday was pretty depressing. I was at a wedding, so it shouldn't have been, but it was for me. I feel awful that I may have sucked some of the joy out of someone else's happy day.

Sigh.

I feel like I've done a pretty good job with everything in my life so far. I feel like I deserve to find happiness and love with someone who isn't emotionally cripple. I don't think it's asking for too much. There seem to be plenty of people who get there who have it and who don't necessarily deserve it.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Save it, Oh Miserable One. Stop being so melodramatic. You're not dying. How many times have I heard it? I'm young, I'll have my day and blah blah blah. Well fuck that. I'm sick of waiting. While I've made my own happiness, I'm really tired I've doing this on my own.

But I have no choice. For whatever reason, it's not my time. I need to just accept it and stop bitching about it. I'm sure you're all growing tired of my very anti-climactic search for love. I sure as hell have.

Today marks two months until my 27th birthday. Let the new countdown that launches me from my mid 20's into my late 20's officially begin.

I feel sick.

e-CRUSH

There is a reason they call it a crush.

Moving on...

Impatience

Dear eHarmony Matches,

You must be terribly busy, so busy in fact that you are too busy to check your online dating account, let alone to actually date.

It is quite puzzling to me why, after paying such a substational amount of money to date online, you just don't take any time at all to at least tell those interested in learning more about you that you do not share the sentiment. It is two clicks of the mouse. It is just common courtesy.

I'm trying to be patient and nice, but you're really pissing me off and trying my usually mild online dating manner.

In closing, fuck off. I'm sure you had small dicks anyway.

With regard,
Stephanie

E-crush

I'm all sorts of unwound.

First of all...my dearest Jennifer is in love! I'm floored...and so happy for her, despite my cynical "Beware of Dog" warnings. Since Jen has never been in love before, it's a magical time for her. I'm trying to reach back in the recesses to remember...

In other news, I've just read a profile on Eharmony and instantly developed an e-crush. So now I will wait...wait...wait for a reply. And try not to obsess. After all...I have much much better things to do.

Like look up e-crush on urbandictionary.com

Sick

We had free dessert brought to the office today for our great business and blah blah blah. I think you all know what a sweet tooth I have (thanks a lot, DAD). And just looking at me you can deduce that I love to EAT.

Here's a short list of what was on the menu:

*Strawberry Shortcake
*Four Layer Chocolate Trifle
*Chocolate covered strawberries
*Blueberry Lemon Creme Brulee Tart
*Mini cakes including but not limited to: Carrot (with cream cheese frosting of course), Lemon Tart, Cheesecake
*Mini cannolis (I didn't get one!)
and...of course...your standard fruit platter. I ate all of the pineapple.

I am SICK and busting out of my pants.

Lord!

I'm falling apart

Do you ever get warts? Well, I'm pretty sure I do. I remember warts from my childhood. My cousin and I shared bunk beds at one point and my aunt would come in before bed and burn her warts off her hands. And she would cry. At least this is how I remember. I'm sure it's not accurate at all.

Anywho...I've gotten a few on my fingers in the past year and I've quickly gotten rid of them, only after having to buy actual wart remover. I think I'm turning into a witch. The warts (which I now have found on MY FEET), combined with the new, enormous pimples that I now get frequently on my cheeks, combined with the fact that my pants are a bit snug, makes me quite the hot mess.

The timing of all this...with the equinox upon me...it just isn't good.

But I'm thinking my hair looks pretty damn good and sucking my gut in all day is really good for my abs. Bring on the six pack!

The new plan

So I'm planning on going out towards the end of this week with some lady friends in order to search for my man. I was wondering what would be the most effective way to do so.

This is what I came up with:

I'll just go up to guys and if they seem cool after some small talk just be like "Want to be my boyfriend? I'm a GREAT girlfriend. I'm low maintenance and really like action movies and baseball and have a 14 year old's sense of humor AND I give great head."

I'm liking it...

Good News and not so good news

I went to a wedding, got SO hammered (last time was around June) and DID NOT sleep with anyone!

Instead, I made out with two different people.

Now...I know what you are thinking.

"Stephanie?!!?! You ignorant slut! I thought you turned over a new leaf!?!??"

And my reply:

"I know. It doesn't sound great. And I'm embarrassed with my behavior, since I'm not 19 anymore and I shouldn't be making out with people in bathrooms like I'm a horny co-ed at a frat party (those were the days, weren't they??). BUT it's progress. I'm a passionate, sexual woman with needs, and trust me, it could have been much MUCH worse."

Hooray! I am determined to celebrate the victories, no matter how inconsequential.

The not so good news: The following day (Saturday) I reached a new low point and I threw up in a Wal-Mart bathroom. On a very busy Saturday morning.

Ew.

Other not so good news: I still have yet to meet my man. 13 days and counting until the official end of the summer. Time is running out. Don't be surprised if I run away to a nunnery or leper colony. They might be the only two groups of people accepting of me after the mockery I made out of myself at a stranger's wedding...in New Hampshire...and yes, I fell on my ass a few times. I have the bruises and grass stains to prove it.

But get this! I kept my 3 inch heals on the whole time. I actually blame them exclusively for my fall. I'm sure my high level of intoxication has nothing at all to do with it. Nah.

LinkedIn is freaking me out

Like Whoa!

So I get invitations from time to time from people that I used to work with to "Join their network." (If you aren't familiar with LinkedIn, you must go and join. It is a fantastic networking tool and you can reconnect with old colleagues and find new jobs for you and other people, very cool stuff). So I received one such invitation today and, after I accepted it (from an old friend at a former company), there is a list of people that comes up "Other people you might know that you want to connect to" and guess who comes up?

Ready...

MATCH PETER. Oh yeah. I'm actually connected to him through a THIRD level of connection.

AND...

eH JOHN...TOTALLY RANDOM.

I shit you NOT! How does it know my SHAME???

Well that's just fucking depressing

Ugh.

I was going to start by telling you how wonderful and relaxing my weekend was and how I felt rejuvenated and how I'm so thrilled that my laptop isn't doing that "Oh I'll just shut the screen off in the middle of you doing something important and make you really mad" thing. And how I'm perfectly fine with the fact that I haven't had a date in a while and I'm feeling good, even if the summer is coming to a close...in a fast and huge way, that is OK, there is still plenty of time. And work is going along well and my hair is looking decent and non-mullet-y...and such.

And then I look at my eHarmony and Match accounts and feel so hopeless that I just want to eat a box of cookies and watch "The Notebook" over and over and OVER again. All of a sudden, I feel as though my window of opportunity to meet my man is going to pass by me and I'll be alone forever, and that the rest of the weekends of the summer I am either away at weddings or not hanging around the city. God, why did I move here? I am NEVER here! I'm just so frustrated. And miserable.

Sorry.