It works, it's waaaay true

So I've been told by many wise people that, when one is happy and content and giving off a warm, welcoming vibe, one will attract others, be they men, women or children, with that same vibe.

I have to say, all those wise people were (are!) very correct.

Certain people in my life are falling by the way side and moving quickly into their place are some truly fantastic individuals that I already feel incredibly lucky to know. They know who they are...And those wonderful people who were already there, cheering me along this whole time? I owe you...big time.

Online dating update: eHarmony is chugging right along. For those of you who know how it works, I am in "open communication" with two guys so far (and in only four days!) and have questions out to several other suckers. eHarmony is like a hermedically sealed version of Match. Body condoms for everyone!

Speaking of Match...Some really cool, artsy looking dude wrote me back on Match despite the rather daunting rant that I wrote to him yesterday. He has a pretty old school name and is a graphic designer. Nice.

As for any other previously mentioned Match-tastrophes...fuck you!

The move is going well. I had a minor set back yesterday because I started to freak out about the following things, in no particular order: Both my new roommates have boyfriends, the bathroom is really small and there doesn't seem to be anywhere for me to put my things, there is absolutely no storage in the kitchen and I have no idea how I am going to watch TV without anything to put the TV ON. But then I took a deep breath, felt sorry for myself for a while, watched X-Men, and kept packing.

It will be great, it will be great...

!!!

No you didn't!

Oh yes, oh yes I did.

I am now officially on eHarmony.

Hookup.com

Somewhere along the line, Match.com has become the virtual bar filled with horny people, just looking for that hot hook up. When did this happen? I'm not sure. I think some time shortly after I joined. It's a bummer, but at least I know it now. It helps to justify and explain quite a bit. I'll see out the rest of my paid membership but then I'm done. I've been told I should try e-harmony...we'll see. I might take a break for a while from the virtual dating world. Overall, it doesn't seem to suit me.

SO. I'm watching the American Idol finally and most of it is pretty boring...and this is pretty typical. Clive Davis has one foot in the grave...still. Carrie Underwood's hair keeps getting bigger. Kelly is still amazing. Jennifer Hudson thinks her shit doesn't stink (and well, it doesn't). Ryan is amazingly sarcastic. Tony B., Smokey, Gladys, those weird people that Melinda sang with...

Some surprises: They seemed to have let Justin Guarini (and his hair) in the building. They have let Sanjaya sing again...and it's the worst performanc he had all season. Really? The finale could have done without this little extra tidbit. Ew. He's so awful. Green Day singing John Lennon? Nice.

I voted for Blake three times last night. I am almost positive that Jordin will win the title. They will both be wonderfully rich. Good for them.

Do people still do work...at work?

Huh? What has happened?

I logged into my specially designated Match email and Match account a few times today, despite a hectic morning. It doesn't take long and there are so many other things that I would so much rather put off.

No return email from Match Dan just yet. HOWEVER between last night at 11pm and this afternoon, there was only one new person on my "Who has viewed me" list yet my profile had been viewed an additional 11 times. Do you know what that means? Yeah...I don't either. There were a few other prospects but nothing earth shattering. I won't be home tonight until late so I thought I would check in to see what was what. No bites. Hmph.

So the question we are all asking ourselves is...Why do I let the ebb and flow of an internet dating website have such an effect on my mood and feelings of datability? Eh...because I'm bored and I have no patience.

I like instant gratification, which is one of the characteristics that I'd like to change, if only minimally. It hasn't worked out for me in the past (at least relationship wise...shopping is another story) and I shouldn't expect it to now. Sure...it feels good at the time and maybe the day after, but what's after that? In all honesty, I would rather wait for "The One" for as long as I need to rather than have some dude who will probably turn out to be "Mr. Wrong" email me back mere hours after I send an email to him.

But that doesn't mean I won't obsess and complain about it. I need to draw the line somewhere.

I wonder how many times I have written an eerily similar blog entry...

Love is in the air. I'm breathing some different air.

So I'm back on Match. Right now, I'm emailing back and forth with a promising candidate. He already has a pretty common first name, but my new policy moving forward is to not use real first names. Heaven forbid some poor schmo stumble across my incredibly self indulgent blog and start reading about himself and the size of his unit in some horrifying, nightmare causing experience. I'm a bitch, but I'm not that evil. At least in this particular moment.

So...I will name him...Match Dan. Excellent!

Match Dan is 26 and lives in Cambridge, with what appears to be a pretty cushy engineering or IT job. He has an apartment with a porch overlooking downtown and even with roommates, that shit ain't cheap. He is blond and blue eyed, which I know is not typically what I lean towards but he's cute. He actually looks pretty familiar. One of his pictures is of him playing mini golf...extra points...and there are no pictures of him without his shirt on. More points. His profile is actually written as a cosmo style points quiz, which is witty and clever, and he manages to excute it without sounding like an arrogant prick. More points. I emailed him on Friday night and he emailed me back less than 24 hours later. Points, points, points. So I just replied to his email with a novel of an email that may or may not frighten him. Ahh...I just love testing the waters.

About my subject for this post...a wonderful woman, who has just entered my life recently, has found love. I could not be happier for her. I cannot think of anyone with a kinder heart who deserves it more. Does it also make me a bit sad and lots jealous? I would be lying if I said no. BUT, it's her time. She hardly expected this guy to call her after first meeting him and he has turned out to prove himself a kind and loving person. It's more than enough to make me shed tears of happiness for her!

In other news...I will obsessively refresh my Match Messages page until Match Dan writes me (or does not write me) back.

back in the saddle again

It didn't take long, did it?

All it takes is an emotional "that time of the month" and some new life realizations to give me that kick in the ass that I need. I love that I am constantly saying "I hate Match, I hate dating, I'm done with it, I'm done with men, Men suck..." etc. etc. then turn around and go on Match.com, not able to stay away from the self loathing for more than two weeks.

AAAAhhhh. She's back.

1 day, 3 posts

Remember before when I said that I thought there was something wrong with my computer?

Nothing in iTunes would play because I all of a sudden had no audio driver. Where did it go? I don't know...

But guess what?

I FIXED that shit. Go me!

dirty little secrets

I came home from work, started to undress to put on my sulking clothes, and realized that the internet was once again working.

So I sit here in my underware, ready to confess.

I logged into Match. It is May 14th...not quite June 1st.

I had 1 wink and 1 email in the last two weeks. The wink was from a friend, even though I TOLD him not to wink at me.

So that leaves the one email. It was entertaining and promising, but the profile is...no longer available.

I can't say I'm surprised or disappointed. This just reinforces that Match sucks.

But since I'm not a quitter, I just spend 20 minutes rewriting my profile. It's short and to the point. I think I finally figured out how to say who I am and what I want. So that was cool.

Let's see if the fish take the bate.

Black Sunday, etc. etc.

My internet was down at home yesterday. I have this sinking feeling that there is something wrong with my brand new laptop, because that would be quite fitting, wouldn't it? I closed it early last night and have had my fingers crossed since.

I cleaned out my closet (again) on Saturday night and spent about a third of the day yesterday trying to find somewhere I could dump (donate) my old crap. It's harder than you would think.

I'm trying to simplfy my life, like throw away old crap that I don't use or wear and replace with less, much nicer crap. So far, it's going like gangbusters.

I spent a small fortune on various sundries this weekend...clothes, shoes, jewelry, handbags, more crap I don't need...in hopes that the purchase of material goods would make me feel a little bit more perky, a bit more ready to face the world, my new job, my relocation and my lack of boyfriend.

It didn't work (at least not yet that I can tell) but it was very well intentioned.

Anyway. Yesterday was Mother's Day, otherwise referred to as Black Sunday by yours truly. I can never recall what I have done in year's past, but I seem to remember being out and about on at least a few occasions, and being extremely annoyed by the happiness and love that filled the air at any retail location. Mothers and daughters shopping together, the daughter's wearing a t-shirt saying "I (heart) My Mom" and the mother's wearing a corresponding "World's Best Mom" sweatshirt, emblazzoned with sequins, ribbons, what have you. All of my friends were out at brunch or lunch with Mom, getting mani-pedi's or enjoying a weekend at home, wherever home may be. It sounds so nice, doesn't it?

Why am I filled with such disdain, you ask? I got the short end of the stick big time in the Mom category and fuck all if this doesn't make me feel really sad and sorry for myself. Sure, I have a mother in the legal sense, but I never ever had one in the emotional, unconditional love, make you feel better when you fall down and scrape your knee sense. So, when I see the scenes described above and become annoyed, it's because I'm jealous...and because I don't get it. Not at all.

This lack of empathy for a holiday that is supposed to be about love and appreciation haunted me yesterday. I remained busy, doing laundry and running errands. It never did occur to me that I would run into quite the crowd of mother/daughter couplets at HomeGoods and Target. That was a slap myself in the forehead moment. I did what I had to do, but it was hard and, when I finally made it back to the car, I rolled down the windows and blasted "Purple Rain" and sobbed all the way home.

You can laugh. It's ok.

I am (still) going to hell

I remember once when I was about 10 or so, I was in Toys 'R Us looking at Barbie clothes and I accidently left the store with a few outfits under my arm...without paying for them. I got about 5 steps out of the store when I realized what I had done and I immediately felt guilty and ran back into the store to confess my crime.

Since then, I cannot remember stealing anything...not even a pack of gum.

But last night, that all changed. The story is mildly amusing.

I left work with a medium level of annoyance for no particular reason, then proceeded to sit in traffic on the Pike for about an hour, which further heightened the aggrevation alert level to ORANGE. I still had to run some errands before I headed home. Recipe for meltdown? Yes.

First, I hit up the Hess station down the street from my house for some much needed gas for the car. The place was ridiculously crowded and after attempting to get up next to three different pumps, but being just moments too late before some other asshole snuck in, I finally settled in to good ole pump number 2.

I swiped my card, per usual, and started up the pump. After about 1.47 gallons, the pump stopped...and did not restart.

Now, in situations like this, I avoid actually entering the small store adjacent to the gas pumps AT ALL COST. No one speaks English and I just end up being a bitch. Not good for anyone.

An attendant approached me and explained (in broken english) that he would turn the pump back on, but that I would have to come inside to pay. Fine. Not an ideal situation, but I'll deal.

I finish pumping. $22.80 (I started will about a 1/4 of a tank) was the total. I enter the store and hand over my card. However...I cannot pay with my card for some reason which, even when explained to me, makes absolutely no sense. Can I pay with another card? NO. I need to pay cash.

Trouble is, I don't have that much cash.

You can use the ATM here in the store, he says, and he will refund the $2 charge. Trouble with that is, FELLA, that my bank charges me as well. No dice. I go back out to my car to attempt to rangle up $22.80 in cash. Not happening. Even with the cash that I have PLUS the random change in the car, I'm still about $2 short.

I can feel my face turning red and I see the line in the store getting longer. There are several other people having the same trouble.

So...I put the keys in the ignition, start up Lola, and drive away.

Victory is mine.

301st Post!!!

Holy crap...can you believe it? That's a whole lot of blogging on my part. Go me! I'm soooo 21st century.

I did the Walk for Hunger yesterday and it was way fun. I have blisters on the bottom of my feet, but I feel much better than I thought I would. Thanks to A and J for accompanying me and laughing at my jokes. That will always make you numero uno in my book.

It's Monday and I'm feeling good! Some stuff to do at work, should make the day go by pretty fast. Trying to get all this move stuff straight. I need to go furniture shopping.

Hmmm...hopefully the 302nd post will be more exciting (for you).

The Deep Post. Just Hear Me Out.

Since the beginning of the year, my ideas and beliefs about sex and relationships have changed. I've been trying to figure out if that's good or bad or...just is. I tend to lean towards the third option. I've learned so much about myself this year that it almost overwhelms me. Amazing people surround me, and have begun their friendship with me with no judgment. They really enjoy the person that I am. I never thought that was possible.

When I was in college and dating "the love of my life," I thought he was the last man I would ever be intimate with. To think how wonderfully naive that was, yet I am so glad to have believed it. As with any of my experiences in life or relationships or dates or flings, I would never change a thing. All these experiences are leading up to one thing...the man that really will be the most wonderful man in the world to me. He's out there waiting somewhere, and I know I will meet him when I am meant to.

Until then...I'm 26 and I'm having the best time of my life. Not everyday is great (please...you know me well enough to know I'll never shit rainbows), but there are days when it gets so damn near close to being perfect, those moments when I am so proud of what I have done and the woman that I have become, that I could cry.

To finally believe that I am a beautiful and successful woman is...

It's every emotion all at the same time. I've never felt the way I feel today. I feel free and liberated and ready for absolutely anything.

Am I proud of all of my choices? Duh. Of course not. Everyone makes mistakes and lets the clouds that blur their judgment roll right in. After all, every "mistake" is a learning experience. If I had the choice to go back in time and do anything differently, I never would. Because then maybe I wouldn't feel the way I feel now.

And why would I want to change this moment?

This moment right now. It feels so fucking good.

I haven't logged into Match or checked my Match dedicated email account in over a week. It's really quite nice and I like the break. The month of May is going very well so far. I know...it's the 3rd day of the month. But I love that the intense focus is gone. I think I've been taking the whole thing too seriously and perhaps expecting way too much out of online dating.

But would I ever take things too seriously? Naaaaaahhhh

I get happier and happier everyday about the decision I made to work in the city, and I know it will only get better when I live there. It's a lot to look forward to and

Am I a bit stressed out this week? Uhm, yeah. All of a sudden, there are a million things going on and I feel like I can't keep up with anything.

I'm trying to stay in touch with everyone and go out and have fun. I haven't talked to my sister in...I don't even remember how long. But it's ok because the break is good. I need to focus on getting my own act together before I walk into the drama vortex. Who knows what's brewing as of late. But of course I feel guilty for not having spoken to her, and I'm trying to ignore it, because I shouldn't feel guilty.

I just need to relax.

P.S.

Fuck Match Peter. This is the last time he will be mentioned...EVER.

(Unless a notable event occurs, of course)

She works hard for the money

Hmmm...not really.

I love my new job. It's very...managerial. I have someone that screens my calls. I can ask someone else to do mind numbing tasks. It's like heaven.

But really...I'm still new and I'm testing the boundaries around here. It's an interesting place, to say the least.

This week is a good week. I feel really good about taking a month off from dating. I know that you are all secretly hoping I don't stick to that, because then you would be much more entertained. You don't really care about my job or my upcoming move.

You care about the drama...the ensuing hilarity of my unfortunate online dating life.

It's ok. I understand. You can admit it. This is a safe place.

Hot Flashes and Memory Loss

I think I'm going through menopause.