I am (still) going to hell

I remember once when I was about 10 or so, I was in Toys 'R Us looking at Barbie clothes and I accidently left the store with a few outfits under my arm...without paying for them. I got about 5 steps out of the store when I realized what I had done and I immediately felt guilty and ran back into the store to confess my crime.

Since then, I cannot remember stealing anything...not even a pack of gum.

But last night, that all changed. The story is mildly amusing.

I left work with a medium level of annoyance for no particular reason, then proceeded to sit in traffic on the Pike for about an hour, which further heightened the aggrevation alert level to ORANGE. I still had to run some errands before I headed home. Recipe for meltdown? Yes.

First, I hit up the Hess station down the street from my house for some much needed gas for the car. The place was ridiculously crowded and after attempting to get up next to three different pumps, but being just moments too late before some other asshole snuck in, I finally settled in to good ole pump number 2.

I swiped my card, per usual, and started up the pump. After about 1.47 gallons, the pump stopped...and did not restart.

Now, in situations like this, I avoid actually entering the small store adjacent to the gas pumps AT ALL COST. No one speaks English and I just end up being a bitch. Not good for anyone.

An attendant approached me and explained (in broken english) that he would turn the pump back on, but that I would have to come inside to pay. Fine. Not an ideal situation, but I'll deal.

I finish pumping. $22.80 (I started will about a 1/4 of a tank) was the total. I enter the store and hand over my card. However...I cannot pay with my card for some reason which, even when explained to me, makes absolutely no sense. Can I pay with another card? NO. I need to pay cash.

Trouble is, I don't have that much cash.

You can use the ATM here in the store, he says, and he will refund the $2 charge. Trouble with that is, FELLA, that my bank charges me as well. No dice. I go back out to my car to attempt to rangle up $22.80 in cash. Not happening. Even with the cash that I have PLUS the random change in the car, I'm still about $2 short.

I can feel my face turning red and I see the line in the store getting longer. There are several other people having the same trouble.

So...I put the keys in the ignition, start up Lola, and drive away.

Victory is mine.