Monday, May 14, 2007

Black Sunday, etc. etc.

My internet was down at home yesterday. I have this sinking feeling that there is something wrong with my brand new laptop, because that would be quite fitting, wouldn't it? I closed it early last night and have had my fingers crossed since.

I cleaned out my closet (again) on Saturday night and spent about a third of the day yesterday trying to find somewhere I could dump (donate) my old crap. It's harder than you would think.

I'm trying to simplfy my life, like throw away old crap that I don't use or wear and replace with less, much nicer crap. So far, it's going like gangbusters.

I spent a small fortune on various sundries this weekend...clothes, shoes, jewelry, handbags, more crap I don't hopes that the purchase of material goods would make me feel a little bit more perky, a bit more ready to face the world, my new job, my relocation and my lack of boyfriend.

It didn't work (at least not yet that I can tell) but it was very well intentioned.

Anyway. Yesterday was Mother's Day, otherwise referred to as Black Sunday by yours truly. I can never recall what I have done in year's past, but I seem to remember being out and about on at least a few occasions, and being extremely annoyed by the happiness and love that filled the air at any retail location. Mothers and daughters shopping together, the daughter's wearing a t-shirt saying "I (heart) My Mom" and the mother's wearing a corresponding "World's Best Mom" sweatshirt, emblazzoned with sequins, ribbons, what have you. All of my friends were out at brunch or lunch with Mom, getting mani-pedi's or enjoying a weekend at home, wherever home may be. It sounds so nice, doesn't it?

Why am I filled with such disdain, you ask? I got the short end of the stick big time in the Mom category and fuck all if this doesn't make me feel really sad and sorry for myself. Sure, I have a mother in the legal sense, but I never ever had one in the emotional, unconditional love, make you feel better when you fall down and scrape your knee sense. So, when I see the scenes described above and become annoyed, it's because I'm jealous...and because I don't get it. Not at all.

This lack of empathy for a holiday that is supposed to be about love and appreciation haunted me yesterday. I remained busy, doing laundry and running errands. It never did occur to me that I would run into quite the crowd of mother/daughter couplets at HomeGoods and Target. That was a slap myself in the forehead moment. I did what I had to do, but it was hard and, when I finally made it back to the car, I rolled down the windows and blasted "Purple Rain" and sobbed all the way home.

You can laugh. It's ok.

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