Saturday, May 05, 2007

The Deep Post. Just Hear Me Out.

Since the beginning of the year, my ideas and beliefs about sex and relationships have changed. I've been trying to figure out if that's good or bad or...just is. I tend to lean towards the third option. I've learned so much about myself this year that it almost overwhelms me. Amazing people surround me, and have begun their friendship with me with no judgment. They really enjoy the person that I am. I never thought that was possible.

When I was in college and dating "the love of my life," I thought he was the last man I would ever be intimate with. To think how wonderfully naive that was, yet I am so glad to have believed it. As with any of my experiences in life or relationships or dates or flings, I would never change a thing. All these experiences are leading up to one thing...the man that really will be the most wonderful man in the world to me. He's out there waiting somewhere, and I know I will meet him when I am meant to.

Until then...I'm 26 and I'm having the best time of my life. Not everyday is great ( know me well enough to know I'll never shit rainbows), but there are days when it gets so damn near close to being perfect, those moments when I am so proud of what I have done and the woman that I have become, that I could cry.

To finally believe that I am a beautiful and successful woman is...

It's every emotion all at the same time. I've never felt the way I feel today. I feel free and liberated and ready for absolutely anything.

Am I proud of all of my choices? Duh. Of course not. Everyone makes mistakes and lets the clouds that blur their judgment roll right in. After all, every "mistake" is a learning experience. If I had the choice to go back in time and do anything differently, I never would. Because then maybe I wouldn't feel the way I feel now.

And why would I want to change this moment?

This moment right now. It feels so fucking good.

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