Oh my word

All of a sudden, I have tons to tell you.

1. I have discovered the most potent version of reality TV crack and it is Scott Baio is 45...and Single. Just...watch it.

2. Match.com is a fuck. They automatically renewed my subscription a day ago and I cannot cancel it, according to their "policy." Who reads that?!?!?

3. I have a date this weekend...with a boy...

What was I thinking

I bought garlic bread pretzel bits. They are amazingly delicious.

The downside: I have the worst taste in my mouth that I cannot seem to get rid of. I don't like using mouth wash, but I might have to dig out the emergency supply. Either that or everyone at my morning meeting will smell my second day garlic breath.

Although, now that I think of it, that may cut the torture of the monday morning meeting down to mere minutes. Maybe I'll skip the mouthwash...

Has anyone ever seen Requium for a Dream? That shit is messed UP.

Some things I forgot to tell you because I am over tired and have ADD

1. Today, I became a Notary Public. If you need something notarized, that will be $20, please. Or you can buy me a couple drinks, a mani pedi, whatever.

2. I'm talking to this guy on eHarmony. I just found out he's from MAINE. Ugggggghhhh.

Chaffage: Threat Level Orange

I am definitely wearing pants tomorrow.

And so it goes

So I met this GREAT guy yesterday who I would totally date. Score, right?

Shit no. Married with a baby on the way. That's super, wonderful, good for you, congratulations, oh you must be so happy and I'm sure your wife is super cute and teaches kindergarten. Wrong...she teaches second grade. He was amazed that I had correctly guessed his wife's profession. I'm good at reading people, you happy sap. It's a blessing and a curse.

I know. I sound terribly bitter. Everyone is married or having babies or engaged with big, shiny rings. I'm happy for them, really I am. I just maybe kinda sorta wish it could be my turn to just...you know...have someone to cuddle with that I also happen to be able to tolerate when we aren't having sex. Is that so much to ask?

But really, I exaggerate (what else is new). I'm feeling pretty good about the way things are going right now. I feel on the brink of something great.

At the moment, I am just really happy that things like AC and baby powder exist.

Shit goes missing

First it was a package at work last week (oh, the drama) THEN it was my Entertainment weekly for this week. Today at work, yet another package went missing, this time the sugar from our coffee company. We promptly ordered more sugar, only for the missing sugar to arrive 30 minutes after the emergency sugar order was delivered. Now we have a shit load of sugar.

Now...more of my mail at home has gone missing. Did the old man downstairs steal my Netflix delivery of Hotel Rwanda? Is he pouring over the new Harry Potter movie review in my EW? I know it's not the people on the second floor because they don't even pick up their own mail.

What the hell is going on? And could someone direct me to the vortex where all this stuff goes?

And I so rarely take the Lord's name in vein

Netflix is down. I really wanted to watch Zoolander on my computer. Now, I cannot.

Another sign from the heavens.

I just read a bit of my cousin's blog (online journal, whatever) and discovered that we could probably write each other's entries. I have an eerie sense of calm. Granted, she is a much better writer than I so I would probably want her writing my stuff but perhaps not so much the other way around.

But to my point: She was talking about putting a down payment on a townhouse. Oh wow...it just sounds so great. My own house!

And yeah...I would love to live in the city with a place to park my car, but I'm not affording it anytime within the next five years, and I want to buy something before then. Having a place of my own that doesn't smell like rotting old man and doesn't have a bathroom ceiling pealing what must be lead paint, even if in the burbs somewhere, is a fair trade.

And plus...I miss Waltham sometimes. Ok...I miss my driveway (with designated parking space) all the time.

Has it been so long?

July 12? That was the last time you heard from me, eh? Where DOES the time go.

I've been uninspired as of late. It isn't because we are fighting. I just haven't had anything all that moving to write to you about. And if I don't have anything entertaining to say, I shouldn't say anything at all, right?

Right.

My Match membership is coming to an end soon. No six month guarantee for me (that's when you get six months free if you don't find your "match" within six months)...I didn't follow the rules. We have Bill to thank for you. Well...that's not entirely fair. I did put too many eggs in one basket on that one. I have only myself to blame.

So eHarmony is plugging along. I'm seeing the usual amount of shut-in computer programmers and emailing with them until it's unbearable and then letting them down easy. Sigh. In fact, I was just writing an answer to the infamous "What have you learned from past relationships?" question when my computer screen went black. Everything seems to be up and running after a forced shut down and restart, so I'm taking that as a sign from the heavens that it just isn't the right time for me to be answering Joshua from Burlington's questions. So be it.

I think I'll watch Zoolander now.

Cheers.

Photo Shoot

Apparently there is a modeling agency around the corner from our office. Apparently they like to use the alley outside of my office window to take pitures and shoot videos of skinny women doing cart wheels and back flips. It's mildly entertaining. My favorite character is the kid who holds the reflective circle. He's the shit.

I'm exhausted. I need a nap.

I'm off to NH this weekend for some much needed R & R.

There has been an unwelcome cat in my apartment all week and I think one of the guys in the office has a crush on me. It's not mutual. I have a zit on the inside of my nose. My period has completely taken over my lower half. I loathe my hair.

Calgon take me away.

"And where is our next huge, embarrassing failure?"

Oh boy.

First of all, I'm losing my mind. I saw a copy of an email today that I had written back in March that I have absolutely no recollection of writing. I feel like such an asshole, as said email was proof that I had definitely inserted my foot into my mouth earlier today. The details aren't really the point. The point is that I have that feeling again...the feeling that I'm losing my grip.

As my step mother pointed out, no one is in the hospital because of it, so I need to chill out and move on. She makes a good point. But I still feel like such a moron because there are definitely a few little kids who will be very disappointed. What was I THINKING?

And it's still unsettling. I pride myself on being detail oriented and organized and all that. That is what I am really good at, so when stuff like this happens, it freaks me out and upsets me. A lot.

Second of all, eHarmony continues to send me complete duds. Are these guys serious? The profiles they write are pathetic. How am I supposed to wrap my hands around "I'm passionate about passion." Ugh. Just...stop.

Third of all, the weather is changing too fast and too frequently and it's making me dizzy. I've lived through 26 New England summers and it just never gets predictable. That could also be why I love it and would never trade it for anything.

I'm going to go to bed and will hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling better.

Fingers crossed (I'm doing that a lot lately).

Like watching the TV on the fuzz

I got quite a bit done yesterday. Maybe that justifies having done very little actual work this morning.

No one is around and it's painfully quiet and slow. I do so much better when I have a million things going on. Is there work to be done? Why yes, yes of course. Is it urgent or time sensitive? No, no not really.

This weekend is shaping up to be beautiful, even if ridiculously hot on Sunday.

eHarmony sent me another couple of duds and there is no action on Match. The guys that I am communicating with on eHarmony seem spineless and boring. But I am trying really hard not to judge too quickly.

I swear.

no one wants to work today

That's right, NO ONE.

The guy at eHarmony who sends me my matches is just having the best time playing with my emotions. He sent me a match today of a dude who is FIVE FOOT FIVE.

Hilarious.

chicka bwaaa waaaah

Yep, that's right.

Watch out! I'm feeling sexy...shit yes!

I'm going out tonight and I'm doing it UP.

And because I know you are asking yourself...Yes, I am bringing a stick.

My cock is Jammin'

Have I used that as a subject before? Hmmmm...if so, it deserves a second go around anyway.

I've determined that someone at eHarmony is playing a cruel, cruel joke on me. They are sending me engineers, architects and sales managers that look AND sound unattractive. I'm way past the whole "Even if he isn't that attractive, give him a chance! Maybe he will become cuter to you if he has the right personality." Uhm, no. I've tried it and it doesn't work. Not at all.

Maybe it's because a psychic told me I wouldn't meet Mr. Right online and I'm self actualizing, or maybe it's been 6 months online now and all I've gotten out of it is some completely random hook ups and a skinny red head crying on my chest... I gave it a fair shot, right? The ole college try?

I'm kicking myself for committing to eHarmony for 6 months. I mean...it's good to keep myself out there or whatever but I just have this feeling it won't amount to anything.

Sigh.

Or maybe I need to be more positive.

Meanwhile, I am accepting every single invitation I receive to go out in public and be social. Laundry and adult responsiblities be damned! Mr. Right could be anywhere at anytime!

DO IT.

Sing us a song

I gave my phone number to a piano player on Saturday night.

I'll let you know if he actually calls. Even if he doesn't, I'm glad I did it. If I keep putting myself out there, something is bound to stick.