Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Scott, dude, you SUCK

Please note: If Scott doesn't go home tonight, I'm going to do something really drastic. Seriously. I just don't know what yet. His mother actually called him "The heart and soul of America." Right.

Last night's theme was "Songs from the last 5 years." This is another display of the brilliant mind of Simon Fuller et al. If they are already desperately grabbing for theme ideas in Season 4, what will become of future seasons? Will one night's theme be "A song you heard on your way to the studio in the Idol van on the soft rock radio station"?

I'm so distraught that I have to go out of order.

Constantine should go home, but he won't. For some reason, there are people (women, supposedly) who think he is "sexy" whereas I think "skeevy, sketchy and disgusting." His little high kick at the end with the lower lip bite made me dry heeve. His family looks like they have just been awoken from the dead and have not yet fed off of the blood of virgins. And what was he wearing? Are those bracelets? Part of his shirt? What? Plus, some horrible singing.

Vonzell is just so unbelieveably and genuinely cute. I this girl for real? She better be. Even her little "I love you, Daddy" at the end of the song was just heart wrenching. I'm such a sucker. I scoffed when Seacrest called her "The Vonz." I wonder if he's actually that lame or he just plays that lame on TV. Do the producers and pull him aside and say, "Hey, Ryan. You need to really bring the cheese tonight. America can't get enough of your non-funny jokes and non-witty banter with the judges. More more MORE!" He mentions that Vonzell has a ritual where she doesn't talk to anyone on Tuesdays but instead communicates through post its. I'm not sure if this is extremely neurotic and unnecessary or a cute quirk. I'll let you know what I decide.

Randy mentions the dog pound again. I perpetually feel that this is an inside joke that I haven't been let in on, which brings me back to the painful memory of my entire 7th grade year. Why? Why must you taunt me, Randy?

Carrie is a little too...unfeeling for me lately. Her mom was super emo in her little video bio and then Carrie is stone-faced during her rendition of yet another country song. She seems really vacant, like 19 Entertainment already has rights to her brain function.

Bo sings a song that I hate. And he wears a shirt that is painfully ugly. I didn't appreciate the sunglasses. But he has a really hot mom and a very nice girlfriend. He's very wholesome in that rocker, stoner, hippy kind of way.

Things about Anthony that make me squirm:
1. Throat scar. He should only wear turtlenecks.
2. Thumb rings.
3. Too tight shirts.
4. He actually has fans.
5. Whisper singing.
6. A recording of him singing when he was one and half that his parents still have and cry when they play it.
7. His shrill voice.
8. His favorite song that he's been "dying" to sing since the competition started is by Celine Dion.
9. His need to "hit the gym" two times a day.
10. His crumply eyebrows.

Skip three weeks into the future when only Carrie and Vonzell are left.

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