I feel toxic today, like if I open my mouth, hot lava and scathing sarcasm will be the only things flowing. I'm disturbed and I can't snap myself out of it.
The occasional email from my cousin is helping. Our personalities are eerily similar if not only because we are both the second (and last) children in a severely dysfunctional family. Actually, it's not any more dysfunctional than average, but I suppose but we like to talk about it ALOT more.
Check her out...
She's an aspiring writer. So if you're like a publisher or whatever, you should like totally email her. Like...yea. I read a copy of her book a while back and it was amazing...it's only a matter of time before she's rich and famous and then I can pretend we were super close. hahahhah
In other news....It's Valentine's Day. Because I was single for oh so many years and never able to see the current boyfriend ON the actual day, I've never had a fondness for the holiday (or any other holiday for that matter). Now that I am once AGAIN in a long distance relationship, I will ONCE AGAIN, not see my current squeeze on the actual day.
HOWEVER...despite my current insatiable toxic mood, I will say that I had a great weekend (I even got presents!), albeit ending in a semi-meltdown last night. I didn't cry, per usual, but I did bite the boy's head off (later calling to apologize) and have an attack of "I do so much for other people and I just want some time to myself."
It's my own god damn fault. I might have to leave work early. Tomorrow finds me in a hospital all day waiting for my sister to wake up so I can drive her home. I hope I have it in me. I really want to be there for her and now I'm feeling some serious guilt about not being all that much into it.
Did I mention how hard it is being me?