And it's raining AGAIN. I fear it will never stop. It's almost June and we need to turn the heat on again. I'm starting to wonder if the whole the polar-ice-caps-are melting-because-we-aren't-treating-the-earth-right-thing is really true, like the "scientists" insist.
I find myself slipping into an all too familiar Monday haze, where I start to feel sorry for myself and blabber on and on about how hard my life is and how I'm just so bogged down and too young to feel this way and yada yada yada. It's a combination of many things, one of which is the weather and one of which is a seemingly unproductive weekend. I was busy all weekend, but not running errands and getting all of my anal things out of the way like usual. I was with family down on Cape Cod in a virtual hurricane. I did have fun, especially yesterday when I went to the Sox game and then hung out with two of the prettiest (and funniest!) girls in Eastern Massachusetts.
So I'm not sure why I feel so...icky.
I've started to notice all of these things that I never really noticed before, like how annoying certain members of my family are and how my Dad really is grey around the edges. I've become more settled into my personality and I have become a pro at poking fun at myself. I'm much more graceful, much less clumsy and somehow, more patient. But it feels weird, almost like an out of body experience. When did I start noticing all this stuff?
And when on earth did my ass get bigger?
I've been trying so hard lately not to focus on the negative and I think I've been doing a pretty great job. It's always been challenging for me not to fall into the "poor me, I will never be happy" mode. It's not because I'm a miserable person. I'm willing to try to new things, open to change (within reason) and all that. I think I'm having some serious issues with adjustment to being an "adult." And then I wonder if I'm just having a bad day.
I'm allowed to have a bad day.
Or maybe it has something to do with today being my 1/2 birthday. 24 and A HALF. When did I get this old?
I know, waaah waaaah, you're SO old. Well, god dammit, I FEEL old. And then I become bitter because of how old I feel. It's a vicious cycle.
Then I slap myself around and bit, because even I'm tired of my whining, and say "SNAP OUT OF IT" and "DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT."
So in the end, I feel just fine and it's just another gloomy, half birthday Monday morning. I get on with my day and start to feel...hopeful.