My cousin Melissa has me pegged.
She sent me a joke today. I edited it a little for effect, but here it is:
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The two men take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg- leg, hook, and an eyepatch.
He asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg- leg?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr. We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as me men were pulling me out a shark bit off me leg."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well," replied the pirate, "while me men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant. I was arrested and me hand was cut clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch?"
"Arrr, a sea gull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well you see," said the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook..."