Wednesday, January 12, 2005

you're not really religious, are you?

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. That's all I have to say about my jaunt to the gym last night.

What you first have to understand is that my gym, like many others I'm sure, is really just a decrepid night club. The outfits are the same, everyone is sweating, there is no air circulation, men are oggling women, women are oggling each other. It's super sick. Unfortunately, I signed my life away last October so I'm stuck paying for this play for another ten months. I can't very well pay for something and not use it SO I am forced to go.

Getting motivated to go the gym is challenging to begin with, especially during winter in New England. So on top of being motivated to work out I also have to be motivated to attend a gym club where, instead of body shots and martinis, there are protein shakes and tanning beds. Some days, it's more than I can today.

While on the stationary bike, head phones on, listening to Madonna's Greatest Hits Volume 2, I hear a loud noise interfere with my "Cherish" and "Why does he do that in bed?" Glamour article. It sounds almost like a speaker blaring Vanilla Ice after he went "hard core" but I soon realize it's actually a guy yelling...directly over my shoulder. I turn around, intending to give him a very dirty "you are interupting my mo" look. But when I do turn around, I see the source of the noise: a short, stalky "Do you know where the gun show is" excuse for a man. He's wearing a LARGE diamond incrusted cross hanging from a silver chain. His chest was puffed out with pride and I could hear him going on and on about how he's too "big" for the stationary bikes and needs to "wail on his pecks." I'm not fooling around here...he actually said that.

He eventually goes away but I later have the unfortunate luck to run into him at the local organic food joint where he's buying Myoplex and hitting on the poor women behind the counter. Not only that, but it's 28 degrees outside and he's wearing a wife beater (a black one), his monstrosity of a necklace and these strange tapered pants with...high tops...and that's it. It's just god awful.

I can't even think about it anymore. I'm getting lightheaded.