Grilled Cheese and Tomato

I tried to write last night but the server was unavailable or whatever.

Last night was date #4 with Bill, tonight was date #5.

Last night was really fun. Mac and cheese, Idol and some pretty awesome make out sessions (eh ehm).

Tonight...well...I was a big bitch.

I'm really tired, work is stressing me out and I probably shouldn't have gone over there with the way I had myself all worked up. But I wanted to see him, and I didn't want to bail and make him think I wasn't into him.

Because I am into him. Or at least I should be.

And while I tried not to show the real mood I was in, those of you who know me know that I'm terrible at faking it. But he was really patient and determined to put me in a better mood. He even made me laugh so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. He wasn't turned off by my attitude. He actually saw it as a challenge.

He is the sweetest, nicest, most thoughtful, most normal guy, and I, in TYPICAL Stephanie fashion, do not think I deserve to be with someone like him. This is what I've been looking for and this is what I want, but more importantly, this is what I need, and I'm already doubting myself.

I'm such an idiot.

He asked me to stay over tonight, with the preface of "I know you're tired, just sleep." And he meant it.

I said no.

Let me repeat...

I am such an idiot.