Monday, February 25, 2008


Enough whining. Seriously.

I've had it up to here with my sad sack routine. It's time to get over it and get a grip. So here's the pep talk, forever engraved on the world wide web so you can come back and visit, whenever you like, to remind yourself to get it together.

First thing is first: Have a better attitude about you job. Stop complaining about how you aren't respected and just do your fucking job. And if you hate it that much, find a new one. Fast.

Second: Stop going on and on about this guy or that guy and love lost and blah blah blah. Everyone's sick of it, Let's face it: They have all been really big losers/weenies/overly emotional freaks. You need a real man, with a set of brass balls. And those balls need to be bigger than your own. If you keep feeling sorry for yourself, you'll never find the rich/handsome/tall sex god that you deserve. He doesn't want some sad sap with bad skin and limp hair! Fix yourself, girl! Get a manicure for God's sake. That's why you collect paychecks!

Third: I know you love your DVR (as you should) but you need to give it a break every once in a while. All of the recorded reality loveliness will be still be here when you come home from going out and being hot. I promise!

And finally...go to Florida next week, enjoy the company of people three times your age and sip free vodka tonics like you have never sipped them before. Get a sunburn! Highlight your hair with that spray in stuff! Sass your parents! Read your book you've been ignoring because of that damned DVR!

Just STOP fucking whining...please.

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