I'm watching a tribute to Tom Petty, which means hell has frozen over and yes...there's the monkey flying right out of my ass

I'm sorry.

But not really.

I don't like Tom Petty. Actually, I hate Tom Petty. And I don't care if you like him. You liking him, whoever you are (and you know who you are) will never convince me to like him, so don't try. Just don't.

I'm not sure how the Billboard Music Awards is even on my television. I'm fairly sure that since I rarely change the channel from Fox, I just didn't notice when the Simpsons ended and this shit began.

Who ARE these people? And what is Gwen wearing in her hair?? I'm really sick of her trying to make a fashion statement, doing something NEW and FRESH every time she goes out in public. Enough. Just dress fuckin normal. It's not a good thing when the best dressed people at an awards show are the members of Green Day and even MARIAH looks good for fuck's sake.

There is only one explanation.

The world has fallen off of its planetary rotation.

Or not. Because Petty is still really ugly. And this is just depressing me. That that ugly son of a bitch is a bazillionare and I'm not.

Fuck.

Well, you got me. It's not Tom Petty's fault. I'm sure he's a really nice guy (even if he is really ugly) and I'm sure he deserves his award.

I'm pissed off for other reasons. I'm fat, I'm frustrated and I can't turn my head all the way to the right. And the last thing is making the first two worse, which is just leading to a vicious, self-loathing cycle.

And Nick doesn't feel good, either.

And no one bought me a pony for my birthday.