Monday, August 29, 2011

I me wed

Oh shit! Where have I been?

Oh I know! Trying to live life away from my television and laptop. It's going...kind of well.

Since the fiasco with A.M., I was pretty traumatized with the online dating scene. However, I didn't delete my account or anything. Somewhere deep down inside there is a small, sad piece of me that awaits my Cyber Mr. Right. Heavy sigh.

While still waiting, a fellow messaged me that seemed intriguing, so I replied.

Side note: There have been a string of guys who haven't even made it to the in person phase and I think I've figured a way to screen out the crazies. Case in point...

So onto this fellow. He was REALLY into unnecessary capitalization and punctuation, which I've discovered, and maybe this is part of my slow decline into senility, that I am a real stickler for not only common proper grammatical usages, but also formatting in general. (Run on sentences are obviously one of the many exceptions. Hypocrite!) But just as an example: If you use an exclamation point at the end of every sentence, it really just completely loses any semblance of poignancy.

But enough about me and my charming quirks. Some history on, we'll call him...Erik. Because that's his name! He sent me a message and I gave him shit about the blaring errors in his profile and he actually wrote back, which I wasn't expecting, and then he asked me some really lame questions...Who's my favorite actor? Ugh pAH-lease...SO in order to actually start to get somewhere, I asked him a thought provoking and an It's Really Easy to Give a Crazy Sounding Answer to This type of question. I asked him about the hardest thing he ever had to do.

This was his answer:

The haredest thing I ever did was to marry myself in a ceremony after my sons mom cancelled the wedding on us, and left me while she was pregnant with our son. We got engaged and then she got pregnant, so it was such a new start for me, a new life, I was so excited for all the possibilities and a new life and for her to back out of it, given all reality of what she was walking away from, left me shocked, heartbroken, sad and overwhelmed. So on the day we were to get married, all of my family gathered, per my request, and I married me to myself. I had everyone there pick from a hat an aspect of life that they would carry for me. for example Strength, passion, love, honor, freedom, joy etc etc....They picked it, and then I said to each person there how much they meant to me and how much I loved them and thanked them for carrying that quality for me. mothers was "Strength" so she carried that for me, as a symbol of support. I then had everyone there tell me what they loved and appreciated about me. It was an amazingly difficult, and life changing day for everyone there, but it was also one of the most beautiful days of my life, other than the days my kids were born.....
So since we're now getting deep... I have one for you... Tell me about the last time you were moved to tears by something that took you off guard, and left you feeling like WOW, what just happened....?

I mean, this is just riddled with inconsistencies. If you have more than one son with this woman, was the first one born BEFORE you actually wanted to marry her, and then when she was pregnant with the second you thought you should make an honest woman out of her? Or was that her FIRST time being pregnant, she left you at the altar, and then you went back for more torture and knocked her up again?

Secondly...this guy obviously has a few screws lose. I have a legit chemical imbalance and I would never EVER do anything this crazy, nor would I participate in humoring someone to do something like this. What the?

So, for simplicity's sake, my reply was short and to the point, although I thought about not replying at all.

You married yourself?

Hmmm. I don't think we are going to go anywhere, bro. That's a little too deep for me.

He did NOT like this.

It was symbolic....I guess you've never been in that much emotional pain to understand. It was supposed to be our wedding day. Everyone was here from around the country to be there. Things were all paid for, hotels, car rentals etc...What were we gonna do, all sit around and shoot the shit...I made lemonaid out of lemons....I didn't REALLY marry myself but it was a symbolic ceremony of LOVE for all my friends and family, making the best out of a bad situation.. If you cant' understand that, then I guess you really don't like going deep, and that to me is sad. We need more feeling people in the world...maybe one day you'll understand. Remember you're the one who called it out of me, to say something real and revealing, well there you have it, careful what you ask for.... ERIK

Now, I thought about replying to this, with something along the lines of placating him like..."Oh no, you are totally right and WOW that must have been hard, You're right, I am sad because no one has ever hurt me like that." But that is SO not my style. So I thought about replying with something like "Uhm...why didn't you just have a big party? And do you really not know how to spell lemonade? And could you BE more stereotypical in the way you're patronizing me?" But then I thought it was best to just not reply at all.

1 comment:

I am OK said...

Like Whoa.