You really need snow tires on that thing

Ah yes...the joy of seeing the rich and snobby shrink in shame. If only I had really seen it. IF ONLY!!

My old supervisor (if you can call him that) is a trust fund baby who has to continue to work for certain reasons. Use your imagination.

To protect myself, we'll call him...Mr. Brat.

Mr. Brat drives a ridiculously expensive luxury vehicle (estimated cost: $80,000) that he bought with his trust fund. He parks it in a gargage in the South End. Get the picture?

Anyway...we had quite a storm yesterday and Mr. Brat got stuck at the intersection leaving work. I wish I had witnessed it because it sounds like it was a a LAUGH RIOT. Three strangers PLUS my work husband had to push him through the intersection. THEN Mr. Brat spun off the Pike and had to get towed. THEN he "worked from home" today.

HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ok...I need to catch my breath.

In other news, that big fucking jerk who ditched me after the 3rd date actually tried to get in touch with me today. As IF.

Stay tuned for summaries of Dates 1 and 2.

Until next year...

I'm going to bed, so Valentine's Day is officially over. Phew. I made it through again without incident.

Not like last year was so great...or the year before...or the year before.

Ok, so maybe I've never had a non-shitty V-Day.

What I've always loved is that you can call it VD. That's awesome.

Match Mike and Match Bill

So...fake boyfriend #1 turned out to be a big fucking jerk. Long story short...he got what he wanted and then acted pissed off about something stupid to get me to go away. I will say this...that boy plays a good game. It's impressive. It will catch up with him though. He was lacking in....certain areas anyway. In this case, that would have been a deal breaker eventually.

But we move on.

While I have never been the biggest fan of "dating," I'm excited for my dates this weekend. Yep...Dates...Plural!

Friday night will be a casual, after work encounter at a local brew pub. Match Mike and I work close to each other. He writes software for anti virus or anti spam or something. The kind of guy you can totally picture with a pocket protector...but it would be a cool pocket protector. He looks pretty nerdy and claims he is 5'11" (which means he's 5'10" max) but any man who can write a long-winded email better than myself about the wonders of the Dustbuster is worth at least a first date.

Saturday night finds us with Bill. Bill lives here in Waltham (I think pretty close by) and also does something with computers. He is super sarcastic and is addicted to The Idol. In addition, he also hates beets. Bring it on.

Bill is currently ahead, but only by a hair.

Updates will be posted accordingly. Who knows what will come of all this, if anything. But it will be fun for you to read. And I really only know of one person reading at the moment...

:)

Boys are stupid, part...gajillion

I had a rough, rough day and I'm not hanging in so well.

I'm not sure why I haven't learned a few things by now. Like...I hate men, boys, whatever you'll want to call them. I don't understand them, I will never understand them.

My fake boyfriend and I had some lovely dates over the weekend. I've texted him "can't wait to see you again" called him "call me if you are around" and all I've gotten is a few lines in Yahoo Messenger. Awesome. That's just great. Heaven forbid he call or...CALL.

What don't they get?

I'm PMSing like crazy and I'm this new medication and going off an old one...

I'm such a mess.

I'm not ready to make nice

So the Dixie Chicks really fuckin' rock, man!

I'm watching the Grammy's, which are usually torture, but the most recent DC performance was just fantastic. And the song makes such wonderful sense. I love it. I just bought it from the iTunes store. Look how 2005 I am!

At any rate. My new fake boyfriend is really cute and I went out with him Friday night AND Saturday night. It's pretty exciting.

But there is no way in hell that I'm getting my hopes up.

Sweet

I have a date tomorrow night with my virtual fake boyfriend!

Wish me luck. :)

Love in an elevator

It's the only Aerosmith song that I like. It's not related to this post at all.

You will only be entertained by this post if you have seen my favorite movie!

I went to bed early last night and was awakened at 12:30am by a text message from my new Match boyfriend. He had given me his number on Thursday night via Yahoo Messenger. And on Thursday night, I called him...and was met with his voice mail. I left a message that I thought was money. All day yesterday I was being a super neurotic freak and wondering why oh why he had not called me back yet. Obviously, I'm terrible at this.

Anyway...I get a text from him (we'll call him...John) with a short..."Hello :)"

In my half asleep stupor, I am very tempted to text back, so I do of course. And this is what I text: "Laugh all you want Mikey, but if you call too soon, you might scare away a beautiful baby who's ready to party." Now John and I have been quoting lines from my favorite movie back and forth to each other since we started our communication on Monday. And of course, I love it.

Side note: I fucking HATE god damn Nextel phones. JUST CALL THE PERSON so the rest of us don't have to hear your enter conversation...from both sides!

Sorry.

He text's back at 4 this morning with: "That's why waiting three days to call you back was kinda money."

So now I'm really excited.

Yet, it's important to note that I'm not getting my hopes up and always expecting the worst. Because that was a hard lesson learned, and history tends to repeat itself.

And so much happens in 6 months...

I have a pile of shit in my blog from fuckers who want to just clog it up with spam. I've returned for that reason, if no other.

I have no idea if anyone has even checked this lately. I'd like to start to write in it again, as I feel I have so many stories to tell.

So...hello again.

The job is still going well. There have been promotions (not me), title changes without promotions and/or raises (that would be me), and accolades upon accolades of what a fantastic job I'm doing! Well...that's great and all but I think I need a little more than a pat on the back. It's getting ridiculous. I want more GD money. I am making slightly more money than when I started, yet I have accrued more debt than I had before. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell that happened. Let's bank on that tax return that is bound to be extremely disappointing.

I love where I work, just not the company I work for. It that makes no sense to you, then you haven't been paying attention.

I got over Nick, dated Brad* 6 months later and broke up with him a few weeks ago after 2 months. My shortest and weirdest relationship. Brad was probably the most normal and stable guy I have dated, buuuuut I came to learn quickly that it is merely because he is very, very stupid. He also had a very weird sexual aggression thing going on which I really think has something to do with a mother issue. But I'm no expert. And a terrible, terrible kisser. How I thought I could train it or deal with it long term...it was naive of me.

I don't mean that Brad is stupid in the way that he can't read or is mildly retarded. I mean stupid as in he has no social tact. He is 32 years old and still acts as though he is a teenager...a really rude teenager. Now, I know he was never the right match. That is now abundantly clear. I am so ready to be with someone that I thought if I rode it out, he would grow on me. Well...as soon as the relationship became work, he bailed. Or, more appropriately...he didn't have the balls to bail and I had to do it for him. A weak, weak man who is concientious, yes! but far past the point of normalcy. It's to the point where he jeopardizes his own happiness by doing something that will make other people (read: over bearing, old school Italian family) happy. Sad and sadder...which leads us into the next part of the story...

I'm really not all that angry about it anymore. I just wanted my stuff back.

This is part when it gets complicated and you have to keep up:

He (Brad, now my ex) is already dating the ex-girlfriend of his best friend. Now...the best friend's current girlfriend just happens to be Nick's ex girlfriend, the one before me. Remember her? Well...bite your tongue, but we're friends now. HAHHAHAHAH. Isn't life just hilarious? She is a very nice girl. Being cordial and a non-bitch in her presence really paid off. I love karma.

Brad's new girlfriend is affectionately known as The Skank. She and Brad have been friends for quite some time (since childhood I think) and now they have decided that it would be a good idea to date. (Brad's parents LOVE The Skank) Maybe I'm just not familiar with this "circle of friends" tactic, but it seems super fucked up to me. Let's just pass around the pussy! EWWWWWWWWW!

What's the greatest is that Alice* (Nick's ex before me, now my friend) HATES The Skank. For obvious reasons, and for some other non-savory reasons, that The Skank has brought upon herself.

The whole things grosses me out to the max, but no longer gets me heated. It's done, it's over with and I'm moving on. I'm sure I learned something that will become abundantly clear at some point in the very distant future. As for now, it is not at all apparent to me.

So now here I sit on a Friday night, writing in a dry blog. Why? I'm really tired. I could have gone out but I'm exhausted. I've started on Match.com and it's draining. I hope it pays off...eventually. I did buy the 6 month guarantee. Hopefully a year will be long enough to the find my virtual life partner.

Maybe we should start a pool on that.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent OR the stupid.

Umbrella update

I know it's been keeping you up a night...wondering if I ever found my long-lost umbrella?? WELL...I never did.

HOWEVER, I went out and bought a newer, cuter, improved version. It took me 20 minutes to pick it out.

Celebrate!!

So I think I predicted that I would really never write in this after I got my new job. I'm so smart!

There isn't a whole lot new to report. The ex is diligent about getting in touch with me and I am doing my best not to entertain it. The most recent attempt is a text message about how he "was so wrong." Sure, my curiosity wonders what on earth he is admitting he was wrong about, as there are a quite a few things to choose from. But it doesn't matter. It's way past being done.

The situation with the ex's ex at work has gotten much better. I'm not so much uncomfortable around her anymore and we are cordial. I still think she's really annoying and a big brat, but she can be really entertaining and, if I'm having a day that I can actually seperate her from being the ex's ex, I just find her to be so ridiculous that it actually makes me feel better about myself. And who doesn't want that??

And work is insane...so busy and crazy and all consuming. But I still love it AND...I have my particular part of the account in the best place it has been since its beginning. And after a mere two months. Go me!! :)

The guy who sits in the cube on the other side of me called me a "go-getter" today. Yikes.

I wanted to write not because I necessarily have the time, but because there are things my people need to know.

First of all, work is fucking great. Really. It's super demanding and stressful and draining. I love it.

In other news (because I didn't want to lead with this):

Recently, I spoke with the Ex's Ex. For those of you who don't know the story behind this, I'm real sorry, but I'm not going into it right now. It's a long one and I don't have the stamina.

Turns out the guy that I genuinely thought I would marry and have children with is deeply disturbed and has long-standing emotional and financial issues. I had always thought he was quite a loser on paper, but still a good guy at heart with plenty of potential. Well, he may have good intentions (I'll never know) but if the stories she told me were true, he did me a huge favor by dumping me.

Shit...do I say "Thank you"?

What the?

It's going to rain for the next forever and I can't find my umbrella. I've had this umbrella for about 10 years now. I used to hate it. It's this really gawdy red plaid thing that my grandmother gave me for Christmas one year. My cousin has one in the same plaid, but this equally gawdy royal blue. I wonder if she loves hers as much as I love mine. I just always wanted a black one. But I've learned to love it over the years, embrace it, in fact, for it's utter ugliness. It's become one of my favorite things.

And it has disappeared and I am so very lost.

I never lose shit. Ever.

Better than him

I can't imagine how things would be different if I had never met Nick. I'm not sure I would have had the confidence to go for the job I have now. I'm not even sure if would have crossed my mind. He encouraged me quite a bit through it. If anything, he was the driving force behind it. Once of us had to be successful and I decided it was going to be me.

But then I think...That's the wrong reason to go after something like that. I should never do it for anyone else except myself. There would have been different hesitations and different hang ups, but I think I still would have realized it was the right opportunity for me.

I love Nick. I really do. And it kills me to write that and think that and want that...and not be able to have it. It hurts so much that I can't even begin to write about it. But I have to because if I don't, I'm fucked. Because I can't talk to him, I can't tell him all this stuff. And who knows if he even reads this. I'm sure he lost the link, he's terrible at keeping track of things.

And I can't talk to him because there is nothing left for me to say. The questions I have, I know he doesn't have answers to. I need to get to a place where I am content with never having answers. But that's hard. That is what makes my heart sink and my throat get tight. That is what I think about before I fall asleep and it is the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes.

I miss him terribly. I miss the way he enunciated and I miss his son yelling in the background. I miss him calling me "kid" and "baby" and I miss being the most important person in someone else's world. And I miss having that person in my world.

The harsh reality is that he's in a bit of a mess...and he obviously has some stability issues. The harsh reality involves plane ticket purchases, made with money that he doesn't have, and probably will never have. I think he believed in the promises that he made me, but that was part of the problem. He wasn't lying to me, he was lying to himself.

So where does that leave me? Well, it leaves me with a broken heart...but a really bright future. I know what is important to me now, and I may not have known that before. I know how to love the deepest, and most passionate way. And I'm really fucking proud of that.

I miss you more than you know. But I get it...and I will eventually learn to forgive you.

Shit

What a fucking crappy hand I keep getting dealt. I guess this can only mean one thing: Some REALLY GOOD STUFF must be coming down the pike any day now. Right?

At any rate, Nick is now the official "X" and I'm basically a big fucking mess this weekend. My grandmother's memorial service was this past Saturday, and that wasn't exactly fun either.

He dumped me because we are just too "different" which is completely lame and I just don't get it. I'll never get it. I called him today for closure and all he really had to say was "Sorry." I asked him again if there was someone else, and he said "no." I asked me again if this was really what he wanted and he said "'Want' isn't the right word."

I wasn't expecting much.

Some good things about all of this:
1. I no longer have to deal with an ex-wife.
2. I no longer have to carry around two phones all of the time.
3. I no longer have to pay for expensive plane tickets or go more months than not without seeing my boyfriend.
4. I can finally decide whether or not I want to REALLY move out of my apartment and into a better one.
and 5. I can be single with the rest of my friends for the summer.

So...there's that stuff. I wish this was easier and didn't completely suck so much. But...as Fiona would say:
"It ended bad, but I love where we started."
And..."What wasted unconditional love...on somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff...oh well!"

Thanks for everything.

I know it's been a long time...

But news requires an entry.

After a harrowing weekend of stressing about whether or not my boyfriend was alive (he is) because I couldn't get a hold of him, I am once again blindsided by the harsh reality of relationships.

He can't do it anymore.

And so...I'm lost.

Hot Damn!

Party people!!

For some completely random and barely explicable reason, momma got a 10% raise!!!!!! Actually, it's a bit more than that. And who really cares if it has nothing to do with merit? I sure as hell don't.

Yay!! Celebration!!

Ha!

Perhaps I'm not so much of a jerk! Fooled you!

With the end of my time here very much upon me, I'm doing less and less work as each day passes. It is alternatively awesome and riddled with guilt.

Let me take this especially low motivation moment to speak of the most horrifying, yet also most hilarious/enjoyable, dog incident.

Two weekends ago, as I've noted in past entries, I went to see dear Aimee in PA/NJ. Whilst there, I joined Aimee at her friend's house for a bit of dog-sitting and pad-watching. Said friend was on "The Shore" with her fat, disgusting, mindless boyfriend (I'm paraphrasing) and entrusted dear, sweet Aimee to watch her dear, sweet puppy, Maggie.

Although Aimee warned me that Maggie would not only be a Pit Bull, but also that she would be less than friendly, I continued to insist that all animals love me and I'm sure she'll warm up to us in no time.

When we walked into said friend's condo through the garage, there was Maggie, within her kennel, in all of her growling, spitting, barking, terrifying glory. While Aimee urged me not to make eye contact, I scurried up the stairs to the second floor, thoroughly shaken by my close encounter with one of those beaten, fighting dogs on Animal Police. It was just like that.

While the shenanigans proceeded, I felt utterly hopeless that I would never, ever get to cuddle such a gorgeous dog. She was horrifying, but at the same time was just completely scared of us and kept avoiding any sort of interaction. Anytime we tried to go near her, she growled. Anytime Aimee tried to take her outside, she wouldn't pee and then would come in and drop a deuce on the carpet instead.

The following evening, I was determined to be snuggling doggy style by Sunday morning. I sat next to Maggie on the window sill where she took up lodging (in order to get as far away from us as possible) while Aimee cooked us a lovely meal of beans and meat. While Maggs continued to look weary, she did let me touch her.

Then, the most incredible thing happened! While Aimee and I were lying on the floor in the living room watching a movie, the Maggenator started playing with us and rolling around and showing true love! It was magical.

Magical...

Things would be so much easier if everyone just did things like I do them

When Elaine says "I'm ready to clean today" one would assume she means the office as a whole. One would also assume the same when she follows up with "This place is a mess."

Alas, dear friends, it means she is going to go through the mountains of papers she has on her own desk. This is a ritual that occurs once every couple of months and takes her an entire afternoon. I have no idea how she acrues the shit that she does because I don't seem to have the same need to purge my desk every so often. Maybe that's because I'm actually organized and not a scatterbrained freak. Who knows.

The promise to finish my stories of the Tri-State area was nevery fulfilled, I know. I'm such a jerk.

As of May 22nd, not only will I be beginning a new chapter at Private Sector Technology Company, but the boy will also begin a new job that I (eh em) procured for him.

I'm running low on awesome juice.

The Ultimate Frustration

If I could stick a gasoline soaked sock in Elaine's mouth right now and light it, I would.

Yes, it's that bad today.

The Turnpike, mean doggies and the left lane debacle

All this and more in...where else? JERSEY!

As most of you know, I was born, raised, left for a bit, came back, left for a bit to go to JERSEY, came back then left for a longer while to NH and now I'm right back where I started...the beautiful state of Massachusetts. The only good state left, really.

Sure, there are bad things: Taxes, politics, white trash, snow, not where boyfriend or two best friends in the world live...But most of the stuff is good. And by good I mean just less shitty than everywhere else.

Take Jersey for example. I may be a Masshole, but at least I get the hell out of the way when someone is coming up my ass in the left lane of a four lane highway going 90 MPH. Those Jersians and New (Eastern, state of) Yorkers? Those fuckers have NO FEAR. They don't care if you bump them a couple times while you're behind them. No matter what their speed, they feel entitled to that left lane spot. They were there FIRST. They will NOT move, under any circumstances. Massholes? For the most part, they get the hell out of the way.

Also in Jersey, I found the first dog (not the last) that didn't actually like me.

Suspense killing you???

Stay tuned...