Chaffage: Threat Level Orange

I am definitely wearing pants tomorrow.

And so it goes

So I met this GREAT guy yesterday who I would totally date. Score, right?

Shit no. Married with a baby on the way. That's super, wonderful, good for you, congratulations, oh you must be so happy and I'm sure your wife is super cute and teaches kindergarten. Wrong...she teaches second grade. He was amazed that I had correctly guessed his wife's profession. I'm good at reading people, you happy sap. It's a blessing and a curse.

I know. I sound terribly bitter. Everyone is married or having babies or engaged with big, shiny rings. I'm happy for them, really I am. I just maybe kinda sorta wish it could be my turn to just...you know...have someone to cuddle with that I also happen to be able to tolerate when we aren't having sex. Is that so much to ask?

But really, I exaggerate (what else is new). I'm feeling pretty good about the way things are going right now. I feel on the brink of something great.

At the moment, I am just really happy that things like AC and baby powder exist.

Shit goes missing

First it was a package at work last week (oh, the drama) THEN it was my Entertainment weekly for this week. Today at work, yet another package went missing, this time the sugar from our coffee company. We promptly ordered more sugar, only for the missing sugar to arrive 30 minutes after the emergency sugar order was delivered. Now we have a shit load of sugar.

Now...more of my mail at home has gone missing. Did the old man downstairs steal my Netflix delivery of Hotel Rwanda? Is he pouring over the new Harry Potter movie review in my EW? I know it's not the people on the second floor because they don't even pick up their own mail.

What the hell is going on? And could someone direct me to the vortex where all this stuff goes?

And I so rarely take the Lord's name in vein

Netflix is down. I really wanted to watch Zoolander on my computer. Now, I cannot.

Another sign from the heavens.

I just read a bit of my cousin's blog (online journal, whatever) and discovered that we could probably write each other's entries. I have an eerie sense of calm. Granted, she is a much better writer than I so I would probably want her writing my stuff but perhaps not so much the other way around.

But to my point: She was talking about putting a down payment on a townhouse. Oh wow...it just sounds so great. My own house!

And yeah...I would love to live in the city with a place to park my car, but I'm not affording it anytime within the next five years, and I want to buy something before then. Having a place of my own that doesn't smell like rotting old man and doesn't have a bathroom ceiling pealing what must be lead paint, even if in the burbs somewhere, is a fair trade.

And plus...I miss Waltham sometimes. Ok...I miss my driveway (with designated parking space) all the time.

Has it been so long?

July 12? That was the last time you heard from me, eh? Where DOES the time go.

I've been uninspired as of late. It isn't because we are fighting. I just haven't had anything all that moving to write to you about. And if I don't have anything entertaining to say, I shouldn't say anything at all, right?

Right.

My Match membership is coming to an end soon. No six month guarantee for me (that's when you get six months free if you don't find your "match" within six months)...I didn't follow the rules. We have Bill to thank for you. Well...that's not entirely fair. I did put too many eggs in one basket on that one. I have only myself to blame.

So eHarmony is plugging along. I'm seeing the usual amount of shut-in computer programmers and emailing with them until it's unbearable and then letting them down easy. Sigh. In fact, I was just writing an answer to the infamous "What have you learned from past relationships?" question when my computer screen went black. Everything seems to be up and running after a forced shut down and restart, so I'm taking that as a sign from the heavens that it just isn't the right time for me to be answering Joshua from Burlington's questions. So be it.

I think I'll watch Zoolander now.

Cheers.

Photo Shoot

Apparently there is a modeling agency around the corner from our office. Apparently they like to use the alley outside of my office window to take pitures and shoot videos of skinny women doing cart wheels and back flips. It's mildly entertaining. My favorite character is the kid who holds the reflective circle. He's the shit.

I'm exhausted. I need a nap.

I'm off to NH this weekend for some much needed R & R.

There has been an unwelcome cat in my apartment all week and I think one of the guys in the office has a crush on me. It's not mutual. I have a zit on the inside of my nose. My period has completely taken over my lower half. I loathe my hair.

Calgon take me away.

"And where is our next huge, embarrassing failure?"

Oh boy.

First of all, I'm losing my mind. I saw a copy of an email today that I had written back in March that I have absolutely no recollection of writing. I feel like such an asshole, as said email was proof that I had definitely inserted my foot into my mouth earlier today. The details aren't really the point. The point is that I have that feeling again...the feeling that I'm losing my grip.

As my step mother pointed out, no one is in the hospital because of it, so I need to chill out and move on. She makes a good point. But I still feel like such a moron because there are definitely a few little kids who will be very disappointed. What was I THINKING?

And it's still unsettling. I pride myself on being detail oriented and organized and all that. That is what I am really good at, so when stuff like this happens, it freaks me out and upsets me. A lot.

Second of all, eHarmony continues to send me complete duds. Are these guys serious? The profiles they write are pathetic. How am I supposed to wrap my hands around "I'm passionate about passion." Ugh. Just...stop.

Third of all, the weather is changing too fast and too frequently and it's making me dizzy. I've lived through 26 New England summers and it just never gets predictable. That could also be why I love it and would never trade it for anything.

I'm going to go to bed and will hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling better.

Fingers crossed (I'm doing that a lot lately).

Like watching the TV on the fuzz

I got quite a bit done yesterday. Maybe that justifies having done very little actual work this morning.

No one is around and it's painfully quiet and slow. I do so much better when I have a million things going on. Is there work to be done? Why yes, yes of course. Is it urgent or time sensitive? No, no not really.

This weekend is shaping up to be beautiful, even if ridiculously hot on Sunday.

eHarmony sent me another couple of duds and there is no action on Match. The guys that I am communicating with on eHarmony seem spineless and boring. But I am trying really hard not to judge too quickly.

I swear.

no one wants to work today

That's right, NO ONE.

The guy at eHarmony who sends me my matches is just having the best time playing with my emotions. He sent me a match today of a dude who is FIVE FOOT FIVE.

Hilarious.

chicka bwaaa waaaah

Yep, that's right.

Watch out! I'm feeling sexy...shit yes!

I'm going out tonight and I'm doing it UP.

And because I know you are asking yourself...Yes, I am bringing a stick.

My cock is Jammin'

Have I used that as a subject before? Hmmmm...if so, it deserves a second go around anyway.

I've determined that someone at eHarmony is playing a cruel, cruel joke on me. They are sending me engineers, architects and sales managers that look AND sound unattractive. I'm way past the whole "Even if he isn't that attractive, give him a chance! Maybe he will become cuter to you if he has the right personality." Uhm, no. I've tried it and it doesn't work. Not at all.

Maybe it's because a psychic told me I wouldn't meet Mr. Right online and I'm self actualizing, or maybe it's been 6 months online now and all I've gotten out of it is some completely random hook ups and a skinny red head crying on my chest... I gave it a fair shot, right? The ole college try?

I'm kicking myself for committing to eHarmony for 6 months. I mean...it's good to keep myself out there or whatever but I just have this feeling it won't amount to anything.

Sigh.

Or maybe I need to be more positive.

Meanwhile, I am accepting every single invitation I receive to go out in public and be social. Laundry and adult responsiblities be damned! Mr. Right could be anywhere at anytime!

DO IT.

Sing us a song

I gave my phone number to a piano player on Saturday night.

I'll let you know if he actually calls. Even if he doesn't, I'm glad I did it. If I keep putting myself out there, something is bound to stick.

Hott Follow Up

Remember I was talking about lunch with DC? Well, he had this to say about aforementioned gooey couple:

One thing you missed on Sunday, when the guy came over for some
lovey-dovey with his chicky, he scored himself a boob squeeze (the left
sister). Have to love the public displays.

HAHHAHAHHAHAH.

ew.

Decision!

For quite some time now, I have been uncertain about whether or not I want to become a mother. I've been thinking about it seriously since the beginning of year and have been wavering back and forth.

I didn't realize until today that I had already made the decision. One of my co-workers thought that a picture I have up on my desk with my neice was that of me and my daughter. At first, that sounded so outrageous to me...that I could have a daughter!

And then he said this: "I just assumed, because you are so accomodating and pleasant, you seem like you would make a great mother."

I think that is THE nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me.

So that is THAT.

Hottt

Yep.

This is the FIRST summer I have an air conditioner, so I'm feeling pretty happy right now. The best part...that shit was FREE.

I don't feel great tonight. I don't know if it's the heat or because I'm just really tired. It's just past 8 and I want to go to bed as soon as it's dark enough.

Work has been keeping me pretty busy. I never write, I never call. I'm a terrible blogger. Shame.

But I have GREAT news. I bought Counting Crows tickets today. Me and the prettiest girl in the whole wide world are going to see them in August! I'm so lucky! I finally get to see my favorite band in concert. I'm so excited. Yippeee!

A short story for your enjoyment:

I was out to lunch in Brookline this past Saturday with an old friend (big shout out to DC...I can't fing the address to your blog! Send, please) at a fairly crowded restaurant. The tables were small, two by two, one side a long booth bench, the other side chairs. I was on the booth side, DC on the chair side. A couple sat down next to us, the guy on the same side as DC. Well, in the middle of their meal OUT OF NOWHERE, the dude gets up from his seat and plops himself down next to the girl and directly on my purse...pratically in my lap. I could only stare with (jealous) disdain. It pushes my "I hate when a couple goes to a diner and sits on the same side of the booth" button.

I won't have it.

It's official

City life is getting the best of me.

There are typically two options for parking at work on the days that I am lazy, want to sleep in and chose to drive to work (every day so far except for one):
1. The garage, $10/day
2. Resident permit street parking...free

Today, I had the option of two different spots that fall under the number two category. There are not often any permit parking spots available. Unfortunately, since I am so new to living in the city and all the joys that come along with it, I grew extremely frustrated and embarrassed after repeated attempts to parallel park in both of the said spaces, each plenty large enough to contain Lola.

With each attempt, cars piled up behind me on busy A Street and, for quite a few moments, I was "that girl."

I hang my head very low in shame as I admit to you that I parked in the garage.

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Some people can be real assholes

Gawd what is UP with that?

Maybe I'm too self aware for my own good. And maybe it's my way or the high way (hmmm...kind of), but I do know one thing for sure: I'm a fucking good person.

I've been questioning this lately and I shouldn't be. For some reason I seek approval from sources I'll never get it from. Sounds like a pretty miserable (and losing) battle, right? Ah...yeah.

(I know a certain few of you just love it when I answer my own questions. I must oblige.)

So I officially banish all the assholes that cause me to doubt myself.

And self doubt be gone!

Making it or breaking it

Alright. I need to start believing in myself more. That's the deal.

It's been suggested I start with some self actualization. (Could this be a way to fill in the next 20 minutes when the dryer will be done? Perhaps...)

It was also suggested that I write down what I want in a relationship. Not in a guy. In a relationship. Or maybe I could do both.

This is harder than I thought. But you know how I love lists.

What I want in a romantic relationship (in the order I thought of them):
*Love
*Respect
*Open communication
*Patience
*Understanding
*Belching contests
*Laughing fits
*Amazing, mind blowing sex that never gets boring (perhaps this one is a stretch)
*Comfort
*No matter where we are together, it feels like we are home
*To see each and every part of each other's personality and accept each for what they are, even if that means the occasional disagreement (and resulting make up sex, fingers crossed).
*Passion: physical, emotional, intellectual
*Lots of non-annoying and non-clingy snuggling (totally possible!)
*Mutual interests and some different ones, just enough to keep it interesting
*Mutual interest in each other (like uhm...we need to want to get it on with each other every once in a while)
*The understanding that from time to time, we both need some alone time

I'll stop there...maybe I'll update it later.

New mantra:
I deserve to be in a loving relationship!

Let the manifestations begin!

Where the f*ck have you been

I know, right?

Gawd I'm sorry. How many times will I write a message like this, only to let you down time and time again? Many, upon many more, I'm sure. It just never gets old!

Alright. When my mind is working overtime, you know what I like, right??

LISTs!!!

1. New Pad. I've settled in quite nicely. Within the last two weeks, I've built myself a closet, scrubbed a large kitchen floor entirely on my hands and knees (the feeling of accomplishment was only a level or two below college graduation), (started to) reorganize a pantry, detailed the kitchen stove and, last but not least, unpacked my shit! There is still much to be done. I have yet to hang anything on my walls. To come, to come.

2. New J-O-B. Yeah, it's still new. It's new until it doesn't feel new anymore. It's heating up, for sure. I'm in charge of the office and the livelihood of everyone in it. I love the responsibility but it does not come without some serious frustrations. For instance, I worked on an extremely complex spreadsheet today for about three hours (I don't know Excel for shit), only to have my computer just spontaneously restart and then lose all my work...because our network is a piece of crap. Now, I have to go into work on SUNDAY because I was not about to stay late on a Friday night, even if my plans were to go to the mall, CVS, the grocery store and finally, my bed. Not cool, my friends! However, I don't mind too much because mama is getting PAID.

3. Dating still blows. I've been on two dates with this guy from eHarmony (we'll call him...John) and, while he's sweet and charming and pretty decent looking, there is absolutely nothing there! So sad. No other current prospects, hence a blog entry at 11 on a Friday night...while paying bills...and waiting for laundry to dry.

Wow. No one ever told me that 26 would be this exciting!

I promise I'll get back into the swing of writing to you. Just cut this poor, exhausted girl a bit of slack. Her lingering sinus infection thanks you!

Yes yes I am alive

I'm sorry I haven't written. I really, really am. Ok...so I've only had one person mention to me about how I hadn't written. Maybe I've lost your interest. In all honesty, I don't blame you. I haven't been all too entertaining as of late, even to myself.

I moved last Friday with the help of my dear old dad. It was fun hanging out with him for the day. He did some minor fixes for me around the new place and then was off. I've finally gotten settled into my room for the most part. I really like the new room. It's bright and the set up is great (if I do say so myself), more room than I thought. The one outlet has turned out to be a non-issue...but we all knew that. Or I can at least pretend I knew that.

Work is getting busier as I am getting more responsiblity. Last week pretty much sucked, but only because I had to fit five days into three. This week is going well so far. I like the added responsibility and I'm learning quite a bit, which is why I made the switch.

I could really use another day off to clean the kitchen in the new place. It's the biggest room in the apartment and no one has paid any attention to it in a long time. In short, it's really gross. Project!

The online dating is a bit dull right now. I haven't had so much time to sort through everything, but once I am more settled, you know I will put the details up for the world to see.

I've also come down with a sinus infection and I'm really tired and still a bit overwhelmed. But hang in there...I will be entertaining again soon!