what have I done

Signing back up for Match may have been a not so good idea. And on top of it all, I gave one of the guys I've been chatting with the address to the blog. What was I thinking? All it means is that I can't write about HIM, that is if he even reads it...I have no idea if he will or won't.

First off, we have THE ARCHITECT. Off the bat, I should have known this would be a dead end. We had been emailing back and forth, he seemed witty and intelligent, if not a bit of a towny from a suburb of Boston. I gave him my number and he called last night. I let it go to voice mail first. I hate being surprised by unknown numbers. He voice mail was mildly amusing, so I called him back. I've been so tired this week, I need to get a blood test and have my sugar checked. ANYWAY...I started to ask him about his apartment and if he lives alone, etc. etc. and all of a sudden he was like "Are you a Matthew McCounaghey fan?" and I think to myself...I don't like where this is going. He answered a question with a question which means...he lives with his parents. So while I'm thinking this, he's leading me with this questioning about MM, about a movie he did with SJP and I'm like..."Yeah. 'Failure to Launch' and...you live with your parents, don't you?" and instead of just admitting it, he keeps askng me questions about the movie. I told him he wasted 5 minutes of my life, that I found the whole interchange aggrevating and that he was trying my patience. Then I changed the subject.

The more I think about this interchange and about his Boston suburb accent (which he flat out refuses he has), the more I want to go on a date with him for the simple joy of being able to kick him in the nuts.

Blake? Is that you?

I'm catching up on my DVR. I'm watching The Idol results show from last week while the beginning of the first top 12 show tapes. LOVE IT!

I already know who made it because I read the newspaper cover to cover everyday while in Florida. Ah the retired life!

Anywho...I just fast forwarded through Blake Lewis performing, listening in some key parts. I remember him being a much better singer. Oh nooo! Terrible, Blake! I don't even know you!

I love the torture that goes on during the announcing of the top 12. I agree with it, for the most part. Isn't that always the way?

Kady Malloy knew it was coming. I do think she's good but I feel like she never really pulled it out.

Paula should never wear fedoras.

Luke, be gone.

Oh how I love the retrospectives! But I wish we didn't need to sit through the painful vote off performances again. Oh WAIT. I don't!!!

I'm upset that cute little Ah'sia (or however you spell it) didn't make it. She's a firecracker. And her Dad died!! Kristy just wants to be Carrie Underwood. And she won't be.

Is Danny picking his fingers on national television?? Wow lame. Now he has to sing Tainted Love! Oh hilarious. He'll be fine. Oh dear he is REALLY crying. And little Ram Ram is hysterical?!

Ok, I need to watch the "Live" show. So exciting!!

Like Whoa

Oh man. I'm back from vacation.

The work piled up all around me while I was gone. I'm in the process of digging out, became acutely overwhelmed and thought I would write a blog entry instead.

Vacation was wonderful and relaxing. The weather was great. My grandmother didn't stop feeing me the entire time I was there and I logged about 12 hours of sleep a day (not to mention about 5 pounds). I didn't go near a computer, or a television. I read my book. I took in some "Men over 55" Softball. I did some bird watching and some garage saling...not to mention a large dose of early bird specials.

Because I've never had a vacation without some sort of incident, my neck froze up on Day Three. This hasn't happened in about two years. I'm thinking I finally relaxed and it screamed out in protest "What happened to the tension we are used to?!?!" Instead of going to the emergency room for pain killers, my step mother and grandmother went next door to the retired nurse neighbor and "borrowed" some of her stock. Fantastic. That got me through a few days. My neck and shoulder are really stiff, and the worst in the mornings. I may see if I can get in early with the good ole neck doc.

I know I won't elicit any sympathy, but I did get a nasty sunburn on my chest. On Sunday, the last full day we had, I just laid out and burned for about an hour. That did the trick. It's been a while since I've experienced a sunburn with full on winter gear over it (plus back pack). Ouch.

Alright, back to it. Oof.

Boys blah!

First of all, minus David Cook's hair, I want to have sex with him. Tonight sealed the deal. Uhm yeah.

Sorry. Eh ehm.

Of course I'm referring to The Idol.

Chekieze. NO. Stop. Go.

Danny Noriega. Stop being so gay.

Luke. Terrible. Who sings a Wham! song? WHO? I'll tell you who...rhymes with..."a fucking retard."

Side note: The guy in this show New Amsterdam? Holy hottness. YUMMY!

Anyway...my man Jason with the dreads was very good, cutie David was just ok this week, creepy David, unfortunately, did really well and the Aussie was good. His sex appeal has really downgraded for me. It's the teeth.

I'll be on vacation for a few days. Miss me!

Vacation time to get away

I'm giddy.

I wasn't that pumped about going to Florida with my parents until I woke up this morning. It was the driving force that got me out of bed. That, and my hair has been looking pretty cute the last couple of days.

Last night I received a very early gift: the knife set I ordered with my credit card points. It wasn't supposed to arrive for 4-6 weeks, and there it was after less than a week of being ordered. I unpacked it right away, wooden block and all. It looks fantastic on my counter and boy oh boy can those Chicago Cutlery knives CUT.

Did I ever think a set of knives would make me so excited? No, not ever.

But being domestic is grand.

Icky Monday

Oh I hate today.

My receptionist called out AGAIN and I have to play at the front desk. It's not so much I mind being at the front desk but what I DO mind is that she had great references when I hired her but has since turned into an unreliable victim. So now I have to find a replacement but the main problem with THAT is trying to find what the owners actually want in terms of skill level. But then they don't to pay for someone high level...etc. etc. What a saga.

Let today also suck because I received a "no thanks, not interested" email from a guy who isn't even that cute. Booooo.

And my pants are tight. It could be the macaroni and cheese with texas toast and chicken fingers I ate last night. Maybe.

Lazy Sunday

I woke up at 830 this morning, ate cereal and went back to bed for three hours. It totally ruled.

Whenever I sleep really late, I always wake up feeling guilty. But I had a great therapy session yesterday and my recent laziness was reinforced as being a GOOD thing. I don't always have to be "on" and responsible and my own voice of reason. I'm allowed to do the occasional stupid thing, sleep until noon and not get out of my pajamas until 4pm. IT'S OK! Hooray!

So anyway, I didn't wake up guilty this morning. I woke up really excited about going to Florida and getting a sunburn. I woke up and moved directly to another horizontal position on my parent's old couch. I woke up and took a fantastically deep breath.

Confession time: I'm back on Match. I think we all knew it would only be a matter of time since I gave in...again. The person that seems most surprised that it happened so soon is me. I'm just too determined to find love and it will happen when it's meant to happen, whether I'm ready or not. And while I don't feel entirely ready (errr...I think?), screw it. I just want to start having fun again. And let's face it...Match has shown me some good times. Teehee.

Contestant number one we'll call "The Chemist." He's an older gentleman (soon to be 39) who is really cute in his pictures and pretty personable in email but completely awkward and goofy (and not in a good way) on the phone. He also kept interrupting me when I was talking, which I hate. And he's owned a house for three years and doesn't have any furniture in it. Huh? I told him straight out that I thought that was weird. I told him he could call me again but I hope he doesn't.

Spring is (hopefully) just around the corner, and I feel the black cloud that's been over my head for the last few months starting to lift. A few days of sunshine shouldn't hurt. Let's hope the weather down in the F-L is decent.

I hate when they do this

I understand American Idol is sort of a modern day variety show, but I hate when they do this group singing crap. It's so contrived and forced and you can tell that they are all squirming and hating it.

The "rocker" girl with the crazy hair (Nikki? I'm usually better with names, being in HR and all) should go home tonight. Let's put her out of her misery. This just isn't the right place for her and you can tell she's in pain. Nope, it's Amanda and she's staying! Oye America!

High waisted jeans on our cute Polynesian girl? Wha??

Jason Yeager. I hate his skunk hair. But he's getting voted off and he looks like he's going to cry, so I feel a little bad. It's a bit torturous and terrible that they have to sing again after they get the ax, isn't it? But I hope Luke is the other one to go. BARF.

Creepy Dog Tag David. Ew. I just threw up in my mouth a little. Pesto always comes back on me.

Oh boy...Alaina is super shocked! It's so similar to when Ayla Brown got booted and completely lost her shit. Ryan really is good at his job, though. I mean, he knows how to deal with awkward and uncomfortable. Dunkleman would never have been able to do that.

The elimination show is always painful. I might not even watch all of it (Yeah right). But already down to 16! Crazy!

Oh Robbie...I hardly knew you! But you do sing like a re-animated corpse.

***Early favorites based on singing voices AND personalities in no particular order:

*Girl who does the Britney impersonation. Kady I think. She just needs to chill-ax!

*Hot Aussie guy

*Adorable David Archuletta. I'm running out of ways to express how cute he is.

*David Cook (there are lots of Davids!). I may disagree with his mysterious hairline (grow it as long as you want sweetheart, I can still tell you are going bald in the front) but I like him. I think he's cute, minus his hair.

*Danny. I'm strangely curious about him.

*Carly except for her corn teeth.

*The girl who had terrible extensions last night...the last one to go. Asia, but that's not how you spell it.

Eeeeek

I adore Simon, I really do. He's so smarmy and British. Yes.

So...the cute little Polynesian girl is adorable and she can sing. Carly is great but her teeth are creepy to me. The rocker chick with the crazy hair wasn't doing it for me tonight but I kind of hope she doesn't get voted off because I like her. I don't know why.

I think Brooke is talented, but she's too sweet for me. The black chick who is an "actress" I don't care for. No reason, just don't. Could be because I'm racist. Maybe.

Kristy Lee is super lame. Go back to your horses and shovel some shit. I'm tired of hearing about it.

I live an anti-Grease existence, but I liked the girl who doesn't like her food to touch.

Girlfriend in the board shorts. NO don't do that!

The girl that does the Britney impression is really cute. I hated her shirt tonight and I don't think she chose the right song. Although I really like this song because it's in my favorite movie.

I know the girl whose daddy died will be good, so I'm signing off for now.

Oh The Idol

You you you.

Already there are contestants that I can't stand the sight of. Since the guys go on tonight, here we go.

Luke Menard: Ugh ew. I don't use this word often but...he's a F-A-G.

David Hernandez: He looks like he has a pole up his ass. He's gross and creepy and he wears dog tags. I wish his performance tonight wasn't really good. It kills me to admit it.

Danny Noriega: I thought I hated him last week but he's growing on me. Especially tonight when he used "Ish" as a word.

David Yeager=no talent ass clown. (But he did say "long and hard" teehee)

I'm tired. And the rest are tolerable.

Hmmm...

I'm fried right now. I can't do anything else today at work. Happens quite frequently lately, no?

ANYWAY. The blog entry from last night has empowered me and I'm ready to get some shit done. I'm feeling good today and I really want to do everything in my power to make this feeling last.

That being said, I am still receiving emails from Match. I haven't logged in in over a month. I got a wink today from a guy with the most potential I've seen on Match like...ever. I winked back, but since I let my account expire I can't email. And I'm not even sure I can receive emails.

What's a girl to do?

Daily HorrorScope

I read my horoscope almost everyday. Some days it makes sense and other days, it's all Greek to me. Like today's:

The Moon in your 12th House of Imagination can stimulate your dreams and activate a spiritual longing that won't be easily satisfied. Fortunately, the sweet Mercury-Venus conjunction is in your 3rd House of Communication, enabling you to plead your case successfully. No matter how adept you are at managing your responsibilities, plan on being confronted with some of your weaknesses today.

Spiritual Longing...Hmmm...pleading my case...confronting weaknesses...Huh?

So on days that it doesn't make sense, I've decided to replace my horoscope with:

"You should wear more eye makeup."

It fits no matter what. Like today...My spiritual longing is to do more shopping...The weakness I have been confronted with is my recent skin problem. What better way to distract others from this than to really make those eyes pop? And then go and buy more eye makeup?

Exactly.

Beautiful Dreamz

If you haven't seen American Dreamz (starring my girl Mandy), you need to go out and view it immediately. It is so witty, funny, poignant, laugh out loud funny. It's destined to become a Stephanie classic. I just wish the ending was a little bit different. Oddly, it is such an appropriate ending. That might be what makes me wish it were different.

I know, I'm not making any sense if you haven't seen it.

So...just see it, Ok?

Alright!

Enough whining. Seriously.

I've had it up to here with my sad sack routine. It's time to get over it and get a grip. So here's the pep talk, forever engraved on the world wide web so you can come back and visit, whenever you like, to remind yourself to get it together.

First thing is first: Have a better attitude about you job. Stop complaining about how you aren't respected and just do your fucking job. And if you hate it that much, find a new one. Fast.

Second: Stop going on and on about this guy or that guy and love lost and blah blah blah. Everyone's sick of it, including...me. Let's face it: They have all been really big losers/weenies/overly emotional freaks. You need a real man, with a set of brass balls. And those balls need to be bigger than your own. If you keep feeling sorry for yourself, you'll never find the rich/handsome/tall sex god that you deserve. He doesn't want some sad sap with bad skin and limp hair! Fix yourself, girl! Get a manicure for God's sake. That's why you collect paychecks!

Third: I know you love your DVR (as you should) but you need to give it a break every once in a while. All of the recorded reality loveliness will be still be here when you come home from going out and being hot. I promise!

And finally...go to Florida next week, enjoy the company of people three times your age and sip free vodka tonics like you have never sipped them before. Get a sunburn! Highlight your hair with that spray in stuff! Sass your parents! Read your book you've been ignoring because of that damned DVR!

Just STOP fucking whining...please.

Hol-y Shit

My combined credit card balances are BELOW $1K. It's a fucking miracle, seriously.

I never ever thought I would see the day when I would be living by myself, driving a non-shitbox, wearing clothes made of natural fiber, product in my hair, designer shoes (sometimes) on my feet AND have my credit debt to nearly ZERO?!?!

It's a new dawn, it's a new day.

Fuck YES.

Everything old is new again

I was supposed to have a friend over to the new pad for dinner tonight, but plans were changed. I don't so much mind have more time to myself but I still find living alone a bit odd at times. I think this falls under the "Be careful what you wish for" category.

I've been kind of a mess lately. I'm freaking out about my life, most specifically my career, and I feel on such unstable ground. I think I also have a bit of the old inferiority complex sneaking back in...I'm questioning whether or not I deserve what I've got.

When I get this way, feeling of accomplishment is huge, even if it's minor. Doing the dishes, going to the gym, putting gas in the car, depositing that old check for $7.20, paying bills...getting stuff like this done makes me feel less anxious. The more I check off the list, the better I feel.

So in this spirit, I found myself finally cleaning out my files. This is everything from old pay stubs to pictures to health insurance to 401(k) paperwork. Every 6 months or so, I drag out the shredder and go to town, sorting and putting it all away, just in case, on that minor chance, I should actually need to look at any of it ever again.

Much to my surprise, I came across some memorabilia that I had no idea I still had. I thought I threw it away a very long time ago. But I hung onto it. A year or so ago, when I filed it away, I probably told myself that, when I do run across it again, seeing it just won't effect me anymore. I'll have made progress and definitely have moved on.

Well, I was right...and oh so very wrong.

When Nick and I first started dating, he made me this sappy mix CD, complete with printed lyrics and explanatory notes of why he had put each song on the CD. I no longer have the CD, but I kept the notes, for who knows what reason. I also found some cards he had given me and the only pictures I ever had of the two of us, taken at a Red Sox game in September of 2005. I found all this, and proceeded to have the old feelings that go along with him: self doubt, heart ache and the obliteration of my once carefully thought out life plan.

All at once, I realize my heart hasn't been the same since. I would never EVER want to give him the satisfaction of crying over him, again, now, 2 1/2 years later. But it reminds me that I haven't felt the way I felt about him since. And even though he may have been a manipulative fake, my feelings were (and are) very genuine and real.

And then Mike came long, and brought all of this bullshit back. I sit here, red faced, and I hate them both. But with everything I have, I don't want to hate anything about any of it. I want to remember my experiences, smile about the happiness I felt, and be able to forget about, but still learn from, the heartache of it all. When I get there is when I know I'm finally ready to be with someone.

But even as I sit here and get all upset and cry (ok, it's more sobbing) I realize something...I'm not ready to give myself up again like that. Mike did me a favor. Even if it still hurts like hell, and I still feel so silly about pining over some pussy guy I knew for exactly 8 days, everything happens for a reason.

I'm not meant to love like that again just yet. This makes me angry, desperately lonely, relieved and hopelessly sad...all at the same time.

This is a problem

I feel like crap.

And somehow, I think that eating will make me feel better. Alas...it doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

All along, I've been thinking that my migraines (thank you, webmd) were sinus headaches. Hmmm...doesn't seem so.

I'm actually bringing work home with me so that I don't have to do anything else today. I just can't.

I'm also supposed to go out with some friends tonight on the North Shore, which requires getting home, showering, getting dolled up while feeling pretty bloated and shitty, and then driving to Salem, hanging out, then driving to somewhere in Gloucester (who knows) THEN trying to find my way home when I'm buzzed and tired...all while still having to wake up at 7:30 for my chiropractor appointment.

Would I rather just go home and go to bed immediately? Why...yes, yes I would. If I didn't have to get out of bed before noon, I might think differently. But I do, and I have to drive for an hour plus. I really should have done a better job coordinating my appointments...

New favorites

Work is busy today. It's a good thing, because it makes time go by faster, which is really the goal. One day at a time.

But in between the spreadsheets and timesheets, I needed a wee break. So I've decided to take this opporunity to tell you about a few new favorite things.

1. New favorite quote: "I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am." The first time I heard this on the Taco Bell commercial, I laughed out loud.

2. DVR: Yep, cable and internet are officially installed. I've already watched several things I have recorded (just for the hell of it) and ordered a few *free* items On Demand. The remote still smells like new plastic!

3. The Star Tac (I think) elliptical running machine: I joined Bally's yesterday and this machine kicked my ass. Why does this make it a favorite thing, you ask? Well, the senior looking woman next to me was two levels above me and not even breaking a sweat, so that gives me something to work towards. You know how I love goals. In addition, it has a built in face fan. Rule.

4. The new season of Rob & Big on MTV: I fucking love this show. Turtle races and mini horse competitions? Why isn't everyone watching?

5. H&R Block Tax Cut: I did my taxes in less than 20 minutes, people!

6. My own kitchen: I'm actually...cooking! GASP!

7. Mini tubes of Aquaphor: I don't think I need to say anything else.

I could come up with more, but I really must be off.

Sleeeeeeeeeepy

I haven't been sleeping well in the new place. I'm still adjusting and blah blah blah. Also there is some shit going down at work that makes me a bit uneasy, which tends to disturb my much needed beauty sleep.

I really wanted to get a good night's sleep last night, so I dug out the ole prescription sleeping pills. I haven't taken them in quite some time. I've been relying instead on my own will to sleep, pure exhaustion and the occasional dose of Simply Sleep.

WELL, when I used to take the real stuff, I would only take half a dose because it's pretty potent. After a while, I would get used to half a dose (read: immune) and every once in a while, I would take the full dose.

Last night, I forgot about the whole half a dose part.

It's nearing 1pm and I'm still not awake. But I did sleep really REALLY well.

I can't even believe I forgot to tell you...

I actually received some good news today!

Lovely (now) former roommate contacted me to tell that I don't have to pay rent for February in my old place! So that's extra cash in my pocket that I wasn't expecting. Hooray!!

I may use it to purchase some choice accessories for my new apartment...but what? Living room chair? An actual set of pots and pans?

The possibilities are endless.

I wouldn't call it a conclusion but the weather matches my mood

I've been at work since 7:40 this morning. I woke up early, got ready quickly and BOOM I was here.

Work totally sucked today. I was basically called stupid and incompetent. So that was shitty.

The washer and dryer get delivered tomorrow, God willing. I hope all goes well. I don't think I can handle a snag in that glorious plan. I wish cable and internet came tomorrow, too. Alas...another week we wait. If I can freshly launder everything at my convenience, I can most certainly go another week without cable and personal internet.

I was supposed to have date #2 with Match Greg tonight, but I called it off. I sent the "I am taking a break from dating because I'm going through some shit" email. It's not anywhere near a lie this time, but I really wasn't all that into Match Greg anyway. I just know when I am, and when I'm not...and I wasn't.

Of course, Christian Bale (aka my one and only celebrity crush) could walk up to me right now and offer me his hand in marriage and I would probably be all "Meh...I'm set, thanks."

I have plans with a former (male) roommate next week for a "date." I'm not sure what that means exactly. When I moved out of that place in June, he was dating someone pretty seriously. I have no idea if they are still dating, or if he's joking about us going on a "date" or...what. I trust him fully and he is a very decent guy, so there isn't any pressure to be upbeat or in a good mood, or even to flirt or look pretty. I mean, I'll look halfway decent I suppose. Hopefully that won't be too disappointing for him.

You're a bear, man

Nothing puts the world right like a viewing of the best movie of all time. If I can't watch The Idol, it's the next best thing.

It makes me so happy, I could almost cry. Yep.

I was so wound up on the way home, so distraught with the ways of the world, that I went through the McDonald's drive thru, which just happens to be on the way home from the T station. I'm not worried about making a habbit of it. But I needed it. I was craving it. And it was delicious.

A large fry, two cheeseburgers and a small chocolate shake later, Swingers was on and and I was in my sweats. Actually, I ate a cheeseburger while I was changing into my sweats.

God, this movie is good.

I'm stealing internet again. It's behaving for the time being. I'm trying to download Mandy Moore's new album from iTunes and it's taking for fucking EVER.

I thought I was a fast walker, I really did. But the majority of T commuters in Boston walk faster than I do. It's amazing really. I can't figure it out. I felt like I was racing with everyone. And I suppose we were to some extent.

And everyone looks so angry. And I find myself annoyed with the people who don't look angry. I caught my reflection on the T and I looked downright miserable. Probably because I was.

The scene where Rob yells at Mikey because he focuses too much on the negative and not enough on the positive hit extra close to home tonight. I feel like such a whiner. But then I remember the song's opening credits, paired with "You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You" and I wonder if the movie is making fun of itself (as it does often, which is one of the many thing that make it so awesome) or if that really is true.

I'm slightly better now. That tight feeling in my chest makes it hard to breath buuuut I don't feel like I'm drowning. I'll shower and continue to try to calm down. Swingers on a continuous loop may do the trick.

"If all else fails, you can blame it on me"

One of my favorite BNL lines.

Appropriately, it's how I feel today.

Most of the time, I can handle the unending cycle of people coming to me for advice, help or guidance. Most days, I welcome it. So many people in my life, in my work, they need something from me. And while it's great to feel needed, I've just had enough today.

I'm being selfish today. Apologies in advance.

Not having all the pieces together in my new place is making me uber cranky. I can't get cable and internet until the 9th of February. I have pure static now when I plug the TV in. Someone suggested rabbit ears...but I've spent so much money lately, I can't justify them. What this means is that I cannot watch The Idol.

There is also an additional piece of furniture that my parents are giving me to complete the living room. Trash day is Saturday, so I can get rid of all the empty boxes. The washer/dryer come on Saturday as well.

The commute is OK, it's just a matter of getting used to it.

I think I will feel better after this week is over. Or I hope I do.

The other reason I'm cranky? I'm still so sad...I had an upsetting dream last night about a certain recent flame who dumped me over lunch. Ugh...I need to get over it and move on already.

Accent Pillows Redux

I started writing an entry last night while I was stealing wireless internet from one of my new wrought iron laden neighbors, but it kept going in and out and I lost patience because I had a crazy painful headache.

I was writing about my new accent pillows, along with various other purchases I made yesterday for the new pad. I'm getting settled in...but it's pretty weird to be alone. Like...ALONE alone. Not just..."I'm here by myself but other people still live here" alone but..."I am the only person who lives here" alone. It's super strange. I started to think this morning (while I was brewing my very own coffee in my very own kitchen) that it's way too nice (don't get me wrong, it's no penthouse, but it's really nice compared to where I've spent the last 5 years) and that I almost don't deserve it. Isn't that terrible?

In other news, I'm discovering all sorts of wonderful things in Revere and surrounding area. The highlight of yesterday: A valet carwash...for $6.

Ode to the vibrating heating pad

I am so very tired.

Last night was a welcome relief (Cute toddler, The Idol and delicious home cooked meal that I would never make myself? Sign me UP!) to the hell that has been packing and moving this week. Was it this hard last time? The time before that? I really don't think so. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm feeling pretty drained BUT I'm in good health and I'm eating well. All this packing and moving is doing a number on my lower back. My dad would say I'm obviously not lifting enough with my legs. Perhaps...but all is forgotten when the vibrating heating pad (seriously, you need one. Everyone needs one.) lulls me to sleep. I whimper in gratitude.

Not only do I have so much to do in life at the moment (on top of everything, I have to get my friggin car inspected! And those front tires look suspiciously low on air...), but I have so much to do at work. Being busy isn't a bad thing, but I continue to feel just a tad overwhelmed. I suppose it's better than underwhelmed.

In some interesting news, one of my former roommates wants to meet up for dinner and drinks. (As you know, I used to live with boyz) Hrmmmm. Interesting!

Poooooooooo

Don't get me wrong...I'm very excited about having my own place. All of a sudden though, I am fearing loneliness. Isn't that a bit strange? Coming from someone who basically can't stand other people?

(Then again, I am supposedly a "people person" so who knew)

Well, it's true. And I know it's natural for me to freak out about such a big change. And question everything. It's what I do best.

Other than that, so far so good with the move. My parents are being amazingly supportive and generous, I really don't know how I would even cope without them. I can safely say I appreciate them now more than ever.

Other family members, however, are on my shit list. You most likely know who you (or they) are.

The date with Match Greg was just...eh. He's a nice enough guy and even has quite the sweet side. Not to be judgemental (but it's my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want), he's a bit...dumpy. Kind of like he doesn't care too much about what he looks like. And he looks older than his age, and not in a good way. And he was VERY late to meet me.

Am I being too picky?

When he asked me if he could see me again, I said "Yes." What else do I say? To be honest, the thought of kissing him makes me queasy. Sigh. I'm a terrible person.

I don't think I've gotten "you know who" out of my system yet. There is a VERY large reminder of him on the side of the highway on the way to my new place. That really stinks. To think...leaving my current neighborhood would be a nice fresh start. Damn him for being part of a Boston mainstay. DAMN HIM!

But then I think of my loving and adorable AL and her amazing words of wisdom..."He's a loser anyway."

Days until Match.com membership ends: 6.

I'd like to laugh until I cry....but not if I keep crying

Date #1 with Match Greg is TONIGHT. I'm tired, my skin is broken out, I feel bloated and I have a million and one things to do. It's not the best timing...but nothing ever is.

I'm not excited. I've been on too many first dates to get excited or nervous anymore. The best word I can think of to describe my current state is...apprehensive. And tired. Exhausted actually. I can't get enough sleep.

I've already told him it can't be a late night, that I'm moving next weekend and need to get up early tomorrow morning to pack and head to my parents. That I have three weeks of laundry to do. That the sheets on my bed are very ripe...well that last part I didn't tell him.

But I have nothing to wear. And the jeans I want to wear I had to air dry...and we all know how comfortable they will be to squeeze my bloated body into.

We're going to the Comedy Connection to see some tour of four comedians. I wasn't listening when he was telling me about it to be honest. I was trying to figure out why my iTunes wouldn't let me burn a CD. A girl has her priorities.

I hope he's cuter than his pictures. And as tall as he says he is.

Oh the misery

I cannot watch The Idol. This makes me extremely sad.

Why you ask? Is your TV broken? Have you gone blind? What other reason would you not be able to watch a television show that is on a major network?

Oh well...here's why. Super Douche had the cable cut...completely. Not even basic. Not a signal at all. I don't even have bunny ears.

Watching The Idol is one of the basic human needs I have identified for myself. And now I can't even do that. What will become of me?

Some good news: I get to move into my new place early...as in next weekend. Not a whole lot of time you say? No, not at all. I can't collect boxes fast enough. I've packed some, but there is still much to be done. I'm a bit...stressed.

I bought my washer and dryer today. Delivery is scheduled for February 2nd. Hooray! Very very exciting. $800 (including tax, delivery, and extended warranty...cheaper than the laptop, what a deal!) later.

Speaking of the...laptop is acting up again. Remember back in August when it would blank out on me? And then it seemed to have corrected itself? Well, it seems as though my LCD is going. Stupid busted piece of crap. But I was lucky enough to sweet talk Toshiba into an extended warranty even though I was waaaay past due to be eligible for one. So now they can rebuild my motherboard, all for the low low price of $140, and just a few precious days worth of my life on the phone with customer service.

The transition to the new place will be a bit tough. I won't have cable or internet for the first week or so I'm there. Kind of like now. I do need to catch up on reading. My magazines are extremely neglected. I will also need to unpack. I just wish The Idol had waited a few more weeks to start. At least it's not the finals. That's the bright side.

Oh. I supposedly have a date on Friday night. You remember what happened last time when it was supposed, don't you? Well well, Match Greg. You better bring it.

It's been a hell of a week

Where do I even begin?

My new place is all set for a February 1st move in, which is great because Super Douche decided to cut all of the utilities in my current place for the month of February. She also claims lovely roommate and I owe her back payments for the Gas Bill. Reeeeally? I have requested to see said bills.

There was a bit of a scare with the new place...something about the fee to the realtor...but it was cleared up as soon as I threatened to put stop payments on my security deposit and first month's rent checks. Ah...threats always work.

SO...WEST Revere...Here I come! Watch out!

Work has been insane this week. We are restructuring and moving people around, not to mention all of the financial crap (and drama) that comes with trying to close 2007. (I'm still at work, on a Friday night, as I write this).

Match Justin flaked out yet again on our plans...via email. I didn't write him back. Waste of my energy. If he actually wants to go out on a date with me (which I highly doubt he does), he can call me. Period.

I'm a bit nervous that my Match account has almost expired, I won't lie. I feel like it's always a bit of a back up plan. (Bored on a Monday night? Let's look on Match!) What's good is that I can always renew, if I feel so desperate and lonely that I find it necessary. Now that I'll be living alone, this may be the case. However, it will no longer be in the budget (clever, clever).

Speaking of the new budget, it may get a bit tight, especially after I buy everything I need for the new place, including a washer and a dryer. But I kind of don't care at this point. I'm ready to drain the savings (within reason) to love where I live. Tax time (and hopefully a fat return) will be of assistance.

What else? I'm exhausted...and I have so much to do this weekend.

But really...bring it on. It's not like I have a date or anything.

In all the excitement, I forgot to tell you

I heard from Match Justin and we have a date on Saturday night. Supposedly.

So Big!

WELL today was a busy day.

After work, I drove to the real estate agent's office and signed my Tenant At Will Agreement for my new apartment. I wrote two checks for more than I think I've ever written a check. It was sort of like right after I drove my new car off the lot two years ago...exciting, scary and...scary.

Than again, I wasn't dealing with cash at that time. Today was cash...

Then (once again) I came home to the smell of rotting old man and overflowing trash cans. After I took a breath, I realized that I wasn't even annoyed anymore. I'm counting down the days until I can get the hell out of here.

This is such a huge step, something I've been looking forward to for a long, long time. Perhaps I am just in disbelief that it's finally happened.

I did out the budget, I did the homework. I'm OK.

I think.

Embrace it!

So I found an apartment today...for just little old me. Seems I can swing it budget- wise, with just a bit to spare.

I'm relieved, to say the least. I think I found a good place and I feel a calm has come over me. Finally, light at the end of the tunnel.

I go from being thrilled to have found a place of my own (rental application and transferred cash in the bank is pending) to being scared shitless to be on my own. I actually need to purchase a washer and dryer. This is big stuff. Way big.

In other news, Match Justin called me last night. I just got the message this afternoon, when he called me again and left me another voice mail, as I was busy with realtors. I returned his call, left him a voice mail earlier this afternoon and haven't heard from him since. Perhaps he is as lukewarm about the whole dating scene right now as I am. I guess we'll see what happens.

Other items of note:
Tax season is upon us. I hope it means another lump some of money in my pocket. I took a look at the combined credit card balance today and am I proud to say that I've done a most impressive job getting the balances down.

*reaches over and gives self hearty pat on back*

In addition...work seems to be on the up and up. Exciting, actually.

Thank you to my loving and supportive friends who helped me today. I would most certainly shrivel up and lose my will to live, were it not for you.

I hope Karma is as big of a bitch as I am

So Super Douche tells other lovely roommate today that she is moving out as of February 1st. OH REALLY??? That must be nice, since you agreed to give the landlord 60 days notice along with the rest of us. Is she legally obligated? No. We didn't sign a lease. But as lovely roommate has so pointed out, she is obligated as a decent human being to at least pay for another month. It's low rent, trust me...it wouldn't break the bank.

Or wait...maybe it would...since Super Douche hasn't had a job since...July?

In addition, she's transferring the utilities to us...for that one whole month.

Oh we HATE HER.

Princess will get her day in court someday, and if she doesn't, the world really is a fucking unfair place.

Weirdo Weirdos Everywhere!

Remember this guy? And also...this part....

WELL, I got an email from him today via Match.com, after not hearing from him for the better part of a year. Creepy!

His email:
Date received: December 31, 2007
Subject: Test for echo?

I know you hate me-- but I wanted to say that that I dig the new haircut.... Happy New Year!-

No, I'm not writing back. Wow.

In other news...

Match Justin DID call just this past Saturday. We're playing phone tag.

Also...welcome Match Greg into the picture.

Happy Fucking New Year

Oh yes, the fun just keeps on coming...doesn't stop!

Remember my crush? "The MC"? We'd been talking and messaging and had made a date for this coming Friday. He was definitely coming on a bit strong, but I called him out on it and he seemed obliging. He called me last night to wish me a Happy New Year. Well...after sleeping most of the day away today and then checking my email, why I found the following gem from said MC.

So I was doing some thinking and thought since it was officially 08 that I would come clean with you. Don't be mad at me its really a unique situation so hear me out. I should have told you this before but I found you so engrossing and engaging that I thought if I told you everything you wouldn't want to talk to me again, you still may have these feelings but here it goes. So you asked how a guy like me was single, yes its true I am in a relationship of convenience. I am married but once my wife of a few years cheated on me last December we have been going through a life of unknowns. But what we have learned is that we are bound to either try to live with each of our faults or move on. Because of the kids it makes it tough. She and I have decided to live together but can have our cake and eat it too, we just don't want to know about what goes on outside the house. I hope your still reading this, probably not though. You eve r find yourself in a place where you know you need to get out but for some reason your feet are stuck in cement. I can tell you are looking for a real relationship and i admire you for that. Thats why i am coming clean. I do hope we can remain friends cause I think if my life were different we'd be like peas and carrots (Gump not mine). If you are comfortable about continuing our friendship I think we could have some amazing times together. I am so into your eyes, and lips and I find most amazingly your mind. You have a sharp wit and a mind like a firecracker. I have to tell you, I look forward to talking to you and getting to know more about you. I get such a rush. You turn me on mentally and physically. You are the worlds best kisser. I have kissed a few and you are number 1. So if you decide to be done with me just please let me know and I will walk away saying I am sorry for not be upfront with you.&nb sp; I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Hope you can forgive me. After talking to you last night I had a big decision to make. To keep this stuff from you or tell you. So I told you. I could have tried to as you say "just have sex with you" but I knew that wasn't an option but i love the feeling you give me to know you are thinking of me, talking to me, messaging me. I hate this but I owe you! As I end this letter, a run-on paragraph no less, I hope you can find someone to play twister with that is as screwed up as me but I could still play twister with the best of em. Hopefully talk to you later if not, it was a pleasure to get to know you as a person. I will never forget you!

Fuck THAT. I didn't read it in its entirety at first, but trust me, you need to pay attention to the details.

My response? Because this shit ONLY happens to me: Thanks (I guess) for being honest. Let me know when you get divorced. I guess my Friday night just opened up.

I'm all done. DONE.

Some updates

I was just re-reading some entries from the past month (I should really go to bed) and it occured to me that I left you, my loyal readers, hanging on a few key items.

1. BNS: After I bailed on our date the second time, I haven't heard a peep from him again. I don't blame him, not at all. Do I feel bad? No, not necessarily. After all, the second time I blew him off was for a completely legitimate reason.

2. Yummy: Haven't heard from him in about a month now. I deleted him from my phone. No sleep lost there. What a drama queen...

3. Match: No action of note...of course there has not been an additional email nor a phone call from Match Justin. What an f-ing coward.

To....Bed!

Don't mind if I do

So one of the things that I really like about myself is that when I'm not happy, I do something about it. Go me. That deserves a pat on the back.

I told my roommate today (not Super Douche, the other one...you know, that I actually like) that I need to live in my own place. I was a bit nervous about relaying the news, but she was great about it. Bless her, really. I'm so relieved. Like I used to say when I was little (how cute was I?)...I feel like a hundred dollars.

Also, I have a new crush. We'll just call him "The MC" for now. Who knows where it will go, but he's fun and he makes me laugh and he's showering me with attention and compliments, which I need right now. I met him last week...when I got way too drunk.

More good news...Tomorrow is Friday and I get to see a very dear friend who I miss immensely. I will probably cry a bit when we embrace. But it's cool...I know she'll understand.

I'm happy the last couple weeks are finally over and I can see light at the end of the tunnel. It was a toughie.

Thanks for hanging in there...

Moving on

So Christmas Eve was not at all a good scene. I had a few glasses of wine and blubbered all night about how much of a mess my life is. You'd think I could hold it together. I could have cried at the drop of a hat. And then everyone reassured me my life wasn't a mess, I would not die alone and I was very successful etc. etc. They all told me how much they loved me, which was so nice to hear. Alas...no one could produce a loving significant other...no, not even a blue one.

Then my mother (my real mother) showed up. It wasn't so much upsetting as jarring. I was caught extremely off guard...not the kind of surprise I like. She was actually fine...it was her husband who was a real dick. Fuck him. And he was drunk, of course. It takes one to know one.

Transition to today, a much more normal and calm family gathering where I had an epiphany. If I can't afford to buy something right now, I need to rent a place and live by myself. I can't deal with roommates anymore. It's not anything in particular, I just feel like I'm suffocating. And as much as I love southie, I need somewhere to put my car. I pay too much for it to wonder if I'll ever see it in the same condition I left it. I think my sanity is worth more than anything else (including the down payment on a condo), at least for right now.

Obviously waiting until the winter ends to actually move is a good idea. I did a quick look and it appears that Malden/Medford are the places to be that I can afford and still save just a little bit. Wahoo. That also gives me more time to squirrel away money and something to look forward to. Perfect and more perfect.

New project! I needed this.

Man Children strike again

It's not a good sign when I'm the only one I know with balls lately.

I'm not sure if somewhere along the line in the 70's and 80's, Mom's went a little overboard with coddling their sons. Whatever the reason, I'm currently paying the price.

I've been emailing with Match Justin for a couple weeks now. A week ago today, I emailed him my phone number. I'm learning that it's a good litmus test. I got an email back from him suggesting we hang out this Thursday and that he would call me this weekend. At the end of the email, he included HIS phone number.

Starting to sound familiar yet??

When I got home last night, I had an email from him (no phone call) telling me has had more holiday celebrating to do than predicted and will not be able to hang out on Thursday but "certainly wants to get together."

UGH...really? He must know eH Chris.

I'm not returning the email, nor am I using his phone number. I very much doubt he will grow a set and actually use my phone number, so I'm sure I'll never hear from him again.

Do I need to give lessons? MAN is this frustrating! I'm normal (it's all relative) and I date online. There has to be a guy who has a set on there somewhere! Right?!?!

But honestly, I'm feeling much better about everything. Despite it all.

Merry Christmas!

I'm happy for you, really I am

Super Douche got engaged.

While I'm not typically into making jokes about killing myself (especially lately)...MAN am I tempted to make one.

But I won't.

But I think you get my drift.

Yeah, not cool

It's 2:30 in the morning on a Saturday. Surprisingly, I'm not drunk. In fact, I'm totally sober.

I tried to go to bed at 9:30. Unfortunately, the party in the apartment below me was just getting started. It doesn't seem to be a Christmas party.

I got out the ear plugs, fired up the white noise...and attempted to sleep until about 40 minutes ago. Then I gave up. No combination of sleeper's friends can drown it out, as I believe the main source of music is coming from the room directly below mine.

I know it's too late to reason with them (they are certainly all very drunk) and I've already tried calling the cops. They never came. (Did you know you need to actually dial 911 for a noise complaint? Last time I checked, that wasn't an emergency.)

I'm not usually into revenge BUT if I were having a party, I would have at least put a note on their door to invite them, or give them warning...so maybe they could go and stay with my parents or something...and get some sleep. I'm fucking tired. REALLY tired. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

I am also very hungry, as is typical if I'm awake at this hour. So anything I eat, they will certainly be blamed for.

SO I'm exacting my revenge. It may involve ringing their bell super early one morning or maybe sabotaging some laundry that they happen to leave downstairs. It will happen when they least expect it. I kind of wish the old man on the first floor was home. He'd call the police until they came and not just give up, resolving to be miserable and sleepless.

In other random news: Super Douche (hated roommate) has gotten me a Christmas gift. It's all cute and glittery in a little bag with a card. I'm pretending I don't see it, only because I don't really know what to make of it. I most certainly did not get her anything.

Also...I've been feeling really down the last few days. I went out Tuesday and got ridiculously drunk and called into work on Wednesday. Very irresponsible. I think I've been feeling down because I'm drinking entirely more alcohol than I am accustomed to, and on a regular basis. Living in the city and having a social life is not a good mix with the anti-crazy pills. So I need to tone that down. I'm sure it will help.

Then there's the whole Mike thing. I'm sick of thinking about it and talking about it, so that's all I will say.

(you're getting a long entry...suffering along with me...)

Being that I'm just sitting here, trying to waste time until they all pass out downstairs (hopefully it won't be long now), I started looking into some old files that I had transferred over from my old computer. I wrote a few pretty decent short stories years ago and I was re-reading them. They are about me being lost and confused and angry. I'm hoping when I'm not over tired, I can convince myself that things are different now.

What should I eat? I think some oatmeal...

It's not just the weather outside that's frightful

My horoscope for today:

It's difficult to avoid intensity today, even if your reactions make your life more complicated than necessary. The more you attempt to deny your feelings now, the less control you have over what happens. Loosen the reins and take the course of least resistance. As long as you stay true to yourself while remaining kind to others, things should work out okay.

It's intense, alright Rick Levine. How did you know?

I'm picking up more drugs today.

Meanwhile, I'm really sick of people talking about the weather and making excuses because of the weather. Leave earlier, drive slower, don't be an idiot.

Why is it so hard?

Medicated

It's official...I am drugging myself beginning now and throughout the holiday season. Between recent family tragedies, disillusionment with my career, my lack of significant other (and recent setbacks in that department) and my absence of New Year's Eve Plans (I mean I'm working on it, but I'm just not motivated), I need some help.

Don't worry. They are legal.

Drunk text

I was feeling good yesterday. I got up and moving early, got a fantastic (and very expensive) haircut (the grow out is complete!!!), did some errands and some cleaning. I even dug out my car from Thursday's storm (finally) and, after I recovered from some severe crankiness post dig out, I braved the mall and finished my shopping!! I even purchased a few key items for myself.

I looked great when JP and I headed out to the bar...and I felt great too. Tipsy and happy. At the bar, I gabbed it up with a few people and drank a bit too much. Again, it doesn't take much for me to get drunk...and bitchy when the hard stuff is involved. So then I stuffed my face with Wendy's (ew) and proceeded to ditch JP at the T station while I jumped on my train. Whoops.

THEN when I finally got home after practically freezing waiting for the bus (I managed not to slip on any ice on the walk home!), I changed in my pajamas and...oh...you know...send Mike a text message. It read as follows: "I miss you. I can't help it. I hope you are well. Thinking of you." Time stamp: 1AM. Of course he'll read it and know I sent it after drinking and may disregard it. When I try to remember what THE FUCK I could have been thinking, I'm pretty sure my drunk self knew that my sober self would feel like a jerk...but drunk self did it anyway.

Damn you drunk self!!

So I feel like a real asshole. Not just for the drunk text but for being bad friend.

In terms of the text...whatever. I can't take it back and I'm doubtful he'll write back so in a way it's just a bit more of a push to move on.

So maybe it's a good thing.

Did I mention my hair??

Stop it

Some of the guys are match are just creepy. CREEPY.

I'm tired, so I should really just go to bed. I'm also hungry.

I was feeling good today...about everything. I think I am still am in general but it's been a long week.

Monday seems like ages ago.

It's impossible to miss someone after only a week of knowing them, right?

Now I'm pissed

Sigh. You'll have to forgive me if I start repeating myself.

Since Mike dropped the bomb on me yesterday, I'm pretty sad about it. But I'm also pissed. What the hell? I'm not going to lie, either. I feel a little silly. I knew him for a week. Period. I mean, how attached could I possibly have been? As much as I tell myself that it is certainly for the best, it just doesn't make it any easier. I really liked this one. I liked him more than anyone I've met in the last year and a half.

And while I want a sweet, sensitive guy, I think Mike is a little too sensitive. If I heard him utter the words "broken heart" one more time, I was going to reach across the table and shake him.

He doesn't know what he wants. I know what I want. And I should celebrate this.

It wouldn't work.

I'm really happy with how I handled myself, especially for someone who is in the middle of an annoying Monday. I could have freaked out and thrown water and/or food in his face. I could have lost my appetite (oh no this girl ATE her salad). I could have cried hysterically before leaving (no, I did that after). I could have hit him. Punched him. Told him that he's a coward and a fake.

But I didn't. I remained calm, collected and showed only some vulnerability (I'm human). I held it together until my back was to him. I held it together long enough to tell him to let me know if he changes his mind. I even managed a kiss on the lips and an arm rub. I accepted his humble apology for being an ass. I (kind of) kept a straight face when he asked me if I would be OK.

I don't want to sit here and say I hope I hear from him again. Nor do I want to say that I think I'll hear from him again. I don't even know if it's a hope of mine. Maybe he'll think of me when he feels like he has his shit together. Maybe not. Maybe he will never get his shit together. His history with relationships isn't the only thing he's confused about. My dear friends tell me I'll hear from him when I've turned him into yet another distant blunder memory. Let's just say I haven't deleted him from my phone yet. But it's so easy...and I did delete the pictures.

And I'm not waiting around.

Is this really happening again?

So remember the guy I mentioned, that I was dating (now exclusively) and it was really good and I didn't want to jinx it?

HA HA HA! Well, I guess I did jinx it. He took me out to lunch today to tell me that he needs to be alone, he's not ready for the "intensity" that he feels when we are together.

Yep, middle of the f-ing work day.

Am I pissed off? Yes, actually I really am.

Did I have a sixth sense that this was coming?

Yes, yes I did. It was not a complete surprise.

I really REALLY liked this one. We connected, we had the same sense of humor, we liked the same kinds of things. He walked up to me in a bar and gave me his number for god sakes. Maybe (JUST MAYBE?!?!?) he should have thought it through first.

And just asked himself...if this amazing woman actually calls me, am I really READY FOR THIS?

Ugh, no you're not. But thanks for playing.

Fuck it.

ARGGGHHHHH

The holiday season does this to me. It's too stressful.

I even started to get into it today, I swear I did. I was listening to Christmas music and everything. It was quite the out of body experience.

So one of the things that I was supposed to buy for my niece for Christmas is SOLD OUT. How does this happen? Uhm...MAKE MORE OF THEM.

What else...

Oh, so I'm dating someone exclusively. I know, I know. I haven't filled you all in. I'm sorry but I've been a bit crazy about it. Like...thinking he's a great guy and I'm gonna mess it up at any second. Good thing is, he's thinking the same thing. We're both pretty stumped when it comes to "dating" and both admittedly bad at it. But we've also both learned from our prior relationships (dare I call them "mistakes"?) and we don't want any repeat episodes. But he has a really cool job and, after about a week of knowing him, he seems like a decent guy.

But there is STILL plenty of time for him to turn into a douche bag.

Because I'm annoyed at the world right now, it's not the best time to go into it further. I'm trying to think positive and la la la.

Ugh...bedtime I think.

To my Jewish readers...Happy Hanukkah!

So much can happen in 5 days

I've been really conflicted about writing regarding my recent dating life events.

The main reason: So far, it's a great thing, I don't want to jinx it.

I think I've told most of you who read this here blog-o-rama about the coolest thing that has ever happened to me (Ok, top 10) and for those of you who I haven't told...I'm sorry, but I can't keep track. I started re-telling the story to someone this morning who I had already told. Whoops.

In addition to me not wanting to jinx "it" by putting "it" in the blog, I also just haven't had so much time to sit down and write the poignant, funny and ridiculously witty entry that I know you have all come to expect.

Of course there is a part of me that thinks it will, at some point (sooner or later) all come crumbling down and then I'll rant and rave about it...here...

But until then, you'll just have to ask.

In other news, Match Doug got the "Dear John" email and reacted to it well. I sent an email that wasn't an obvious display of my distaste for him. After all, Karma can be a bitch.

And the clouds part...

SO...

No word from Match Doug. I'm very relieved. I hope he just floats away to the "land of dates that never should have happened" and that's the end of it.

EWWWWWW. It still gives me the heebeejeebees.

No word from Yummy. And that's just fine. I don't plan on calling him. After all, I'm a hot commodity!

At any rate, I used the phone number I was given on Tuesday night yesterday eve and called up Mike. His outgoing voice mail is some extremely odd jibberish set to a tune which, on first listen, was actually pretty awesome. I have a feeling that Mike has some sort of alterna-job. It seems as though he had many upon many tattoos (hot) and well...anyone who uses their cell phone for their job would most likey have their name or number or something on the outgoing message. More evidence? He called me back today...at 3:30 in the afternoon.

I really didn't think I would get a call back. First the lack of return text then the jibberish voice mail? I thought I was being Punk'd. Alas, I got a call back and an awkward (in an adorable way) voice mail.

Hmmmmm....

Hitting up the town tonight in Cambridge. Oh, it's gonna rule.

Exhaustion

As my dad would say, I've been "burning the candle at both ends" this week.

Every night I've either been working or out and about, even including Sunday night! It's good to be busy, but I really need to do laundry.

But let's get to the good stuff.

So last night was date #2 with Match Doug. The night started with me being really tired and not caring at all what I looked like, so I changed into jeans, a sweatshirt and sneakers and put my hair in a headband. To my credit, the heat was cranked to 80 when I got home to my apartment after work and I just couldn't stay in there for long enough to come up with another cute outfit that was also comfortable. I did manage to powder my nose and re-cover my cheek zit. THEN I got stuck in Pike traffic THEN Doug failed to tell me that his street did not have a street sign, so I drove past it and then couldn't find a place to turn around. Then I called him and he didn't know anything about his neighborhood where he's lived for six years. Then he tells me we have to go grocery shopping for pizza ingredients. Uhm...excuse me? You don't go grocery shopping on a second date. He insists he told me about these plans in an email and my retort is that I thought he was kidding. He didn't appreciate the sass at all and asked me why I was being so mean. AWKWARD. So then we have a few beers and he makes a pizza out of cheese, onions and green olives. GROSS. I politely asked that he order a pizza.

Side story about the beer: I ended up bringing over two six packs, one of beer that I actually wanted to drink and one of beer I knew he would like. After drinking one of my beers (yum), he insisted on feeding me some strange Belgian beer even though I was clear that I wanted to drink THE BEER THAT I HAD BROUGHT. I almost asked for my 5remaining beers when I was leaving.

Eh ehm...to continue.

I had about four beers while waiting for the pizza and was borderline sloshed by the time it arrived. I quickly ate some of it because I knew I had to sober up: the more beer I had the more I was doing the "Well, his accent isn't THAT annoying...he IS kinda cute...he DOES have nice cats...he DOES have his own place..." and I knew that was trouble. I was trying to convince myself that I liked him.

After two pieces of pizza, it was crystal clear that I did NOT in fact like him, at least not romantically. He started to snuggle up on me. While I like to be touched and enjoy a good snuggle, he assumed too much and it didn't feel right. Then he sort of picked me up and layed me down on the couch (after he insisted I sit on his lap). I went with it at first (in a "Let's see where this is going, I might be into it" kind of way) but then he started kissing me like a guppy, took my shoes off and shoved his hands up my shirt. Then had the NERVE to tell me my bra was "boring" but he still wanted to "tease" me. Since when do guys TEASE? That is the stupidest, gayest thing I have ever heard.

Do you want me to go on? DO YOU?

So after I tell him I don't want to continue with the heavy petting (all on his part, mind you. I barely touched him), he persists...which pissed me off. Then it was time to go...and I got out of there fast.

There are some metrosexual things I can tolerate and actually find endearing. A lime green VW bug (the newer version!) with specialty MA plates is NOT one of those things. That shit is just GAY.

Ugh!!!

p.s.

Date with BNS has been postponed yet again (him this time) to this coming Sunday. Await an update...

Hurry Hurry!

I'm a bit short on time but wanted to give you a few updates. I know you're all chomping at the bit.

1. The date with Match Doug on Sunday turned out to be surprisingly fun. I drank a bit too much and blabbered on AND ON about myself. He didn't seem to mind. He didn't offer to pay the check, and we split it, which I shouldn't be hung up on but I kind of am. We made out for a bit. And I'm not sure if I actually find him attractive or I was just lit. He deserves another viewing. Not so many beers this time. Needless to say, I've been invited over his place tonight for pizza, made from dough in his...bread machine. I'm bringing beer. If you all remember, Match Bill ALSO made me pizza from dough he made in his...bread machine. Hmm...

2. His Yumminess has been pretty silent this week. He texted me on Monday asking about plans for this week and, since I'm booked solid, I was vague. He must not have liked it, because I haven't heard a peep since. Whatev.

3. Last night, while out for yet another birthday celebration (hooray!) I was playing an impromptu game of trivia at a local pub when, much to my delight, an attractive man approached my table and HANDED ME HIS PHONE NUMBER. Uhmmm....what...just...happened. I was looking OK but not stellar by any means. And I was half in the bag. I tried to text him some nonsense and have not received a response. The theory is that maybe he doesn't "do" texting. That would certainly be silly. At any rate, I'll call him tomorrow. His name is...Mike.

4. Lots of action on Match right now with some promising candidates. I'm BACK, baby!

Hold on...it's dark in here

Last night I really wanted to hit up the town for my birthday celebration, even if a day late. Well, there were no takers...except Match Doug.

I ended up calling him back and we talked for about a half an hour. He really wanted to take me out last night. No, thank you. He sounds like an uber nerd...and I'm pretty sure that the way he talks really annoys me. Did I agree to meet up with him tonight? Why yes, yes I did. I'm sure it will provide me with some excellent material. I'll take notes, just for you.

I feel so totally defeated. I winked and emailed a whole gaggle of men on Match today. We'll see if anything comes of that. To quote my therapist, "It's a numbers game." She's right. But that doesn't dimiss the fact that I still feel lost in a see of over confident assholes.

I also agreed to meet up with BNS on Tuesday night. Why? Who the hell knows. Probably because I know we're going to a place with really good food.

The Yummy was very drunk last night and asked to come over. I said no. I just changed my sheets and I have a big zit on my cheek. Those seemed like more than valid excuses.

And let's not forget it's back to work tomorrow. I'm dreading it, but at the same time looking forward to the reinfusion of routine. My mental health needs it.

Oh I hate her

Roommate Super Douche is here with her boyfriend. They have the TV AND her stereo on (complete with Jamaican Christmas version of "Frosty the Snowman") on FULL BLAST. I might kill myself.

My birthday was yesterday. It was fine. Let's not dwell on it.

So I winked at this guy on Match yesterday while in the hotel using free internet. He emailed me and asked me for my number and he has already called me, wants to hang out tomorrow. Someone moves fast. He likes to run. Hope he's not disappointed to learn that it's my least favorite thing ever. From looking at his picture, it seems Match Doug is one of those guys who never closes his lips. You know the type, I know you do. Sort of lack-jawed. It's not that his mouth isn't closed, it's that his lips didn't follow suite. Call me crazy, but that will definitely annoy me.

The music has moved onto "It's beginning to look alot like Christmas," Jamaican style. Yeah, she's dead.

Blah this won't be funny or uplifting

It's getting closer and closer...birthday #27.

I'm not sure why it's especially suffocating this year. Maybe because I felt I would be somewhere different like living on my own...or with my significant other. And yet that sounds SO lame. Waaah wahhh poor me because I don't have a boyfriend. Really? When did I become that girl? Where did these self imposed limits COME from?

Well...onto updates...

His Yumminess is in communication with me again via text after a few days hiatus. I don't even know if I want to see him again, or even have that to deal with. I guess in an emergency, it's a good thing to have on the back burner. Is that terrible?

I never went out on a date with BNS. I made an excuse about being sick. I don't think I'll ever go out with him.

I sent Match Scott an email with my phone number. I'm sick of emailing with him for what's going on three weeks. Grow a set...or I guess I'll give you my set.

I also don't know why this week finds me feeling particularly sorry for myself. Is it the PMS? (wow that's an old and lame excuse) Something going on with the weather? Is the longer hair really not working for me?

Unstructured time has never been my friend. It leaves me listless and useless. I'm such a bad vacation taker.

I miss the days where I cherished my alone time. Now I think I'm starting to dread it. When did this happen? When did I become this lonely? And WHY. What the...maybe it's the upcoming year mark of my full on dating push. It makes me wonder if I'd be in a different place had I not gone down that road. Of course I wouldn't have had nearly as many funny stories for the blog.

I know...so many questions...where IS that magic 8-ball...

Meltdown and I don't care how ridiculous the reason sounds

I turn 27 one week from today.

Not a peep from Yummy since what can only be described as his texting meltdown. It's not so much HIM that upsets me (wait...not at all him), it's dating in general. This is what happens. I say I need a break and then somehow I end up going on a couple dates with some joker, things end and I feel shitty about it, and for no particular reason.

The "holidays" are fast approaching. The most miserable time of the year. I feel most alone over the next month and a half, every year, no matter what.

What I'd really love to do is curl up into a ball and hide for my entire vacation. But it's my birthday and it's Thanksgiving and I can't.

I'm off to the Big Apple this afternoon to visit a dear friend. The last time I visited the Big Apple, I was in the middle of a crippling depression. I made it through that...I can make it through this. Maybe something amazing will happen on the bus. Maybe I'll have an epiphany.

My Dad gave me a CD of Beatles songs. I love him for that.

Yummy...now Bitter

What...the....FUCK

So third date last night with Yummy. We had a great time...especially great for me...and then he had to go and completely freak out.

He left my place and then I get texts in rapid succession about how he just broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago, he's not ready for anything serious, not looking for a girlfriend, he just wants to have fun.

I remind him...WE HAVE ALREADY HAD THIS CONVERSATION.

I tell him that if he wants to talk to me, he just needs to TALK...texting about it is such bullshit. Grow a set and call me. I tell him I GET IT. It's crystal clear. We're just having fun.

What's the problem?

Why, when I am finally at a place where I can get together with someone just for the sake of having fun and be healthy about it, this is finally the guy who actually communicates with me and sets expectations.

So now I'm trying to determine if the yumminess is worth the aggrevation. I'll get back to you on that. Because there are a few things he doesn't do that I would like him to do...and I have to weigh the pros and cons.

Mass Confusion

So date number three with Yummy is tonight. How...did...this...happen...

I'm terribly confused. I thought this was just a booty call? Now it's planning dates...days in advance...? Now we're talking to each other during the day, texting about plans and he's talking to me about changing his schedule? Why do I care?

What is going on??

Growing weary of the yummy.

I think I'm already bored.

In an surprising turn of events, his Yumminess took me out to dinner on our second date last night. He's bizaar, just completetly strange in how he interacts with me. I can't even really describe it. I think he's being really guarded (maybe he had his heart broken?) but doesn't seem he has the emotional maturity to understand that about himself. But then he'll say something that makes me second guess that assumption, and I throw my hands up in the air and go back to looking at him as purely a sexual object. It's...weird. For right now, he's great for the ego. And while I doubt it will go anywhere past the physical, he is fun.

Match Scott continues to email me strange questions like "What's your sweetest fantasy?" What kind of question is THAT...what does that MEAN? All I can do is shake my head. Do I keep up this ridiculous email charade? Ugh.

BNS emailed me three times between Friday night and this afternoon. I don't know a nice way to tell him he needs to go easy or that there's only so many times you can tell a girl she's cute before it seems you don't really mean it. I also can't in my right mind let him pay tomorrow night. It's already on the friendship tip.

I read a phew pages of Mortgages for Dummies today. Progress.

I think my DVD player is broken. But my computer seems to be working just great so that's something.

And I REALLY don't want to go work tomorrow. But I have to. One more week until a whole week off. Phew.

updates updates updates

Thank goodness for all of the A's in my life...AC, AT, AO, AL (in no particular order)...thank you, ladies.

This post needs a list format. There is just THAT much.

1. His Yumminess texted me this morning...at 830 sharp...asking what I ended up doing last night. Random, strange and completely unexpected. We have a few interchanges via text that involve him telling me he met with his realtor last night and the close date on his condo was moved back and then me responding with how much that sucks. And that's...it. He had asked me to let him "know about hanging out next week" yesterday morning, and I told him we would just have to see. And now the chit chat? He's strange. Apparently being born in 1983 makes him misunderstood. My admin told me that.

2. Match Scott and I are still emailing...I called him out and was all "Are you ever going to ask me for my number?" and his response is "Yes...at some point in the near future." People are f-ing weird.

3. I have a date with a new acquaintance on Monday. We'll call him...Boy Named Sue. BNS is a guitarist, in his mid 30's (ish) that I met through a social networking website. We've been emailing, he asked if I wanted to get drinks, I said "Hell, why not?"

4. Tonight is my charity gala...you remember...cute (hopefully), male (hopefully) architects? I leave work in t-minus 54 minutes. Not soon enough.

5. My Douche Bag Roommate and her boyfriend picked out a $42,000 engagement ring from Tiffany's. Need I remind you she is unemployed and he lives on a boat and his ex (who has a restraining order against him) lives in his condo. How AM I single?

What a bunch of bullshit

So the Yummy 24 year old is now a thorn in my side. He's giving me the run around and no one gives ME the run around.

NEXT.

In other news, I'm attending a charity event tomorrow night with young, (hopefully) single, (hopefully) male architects.

When god (or whoever) closes a door, he opens a window...

But really....

I need to go running in the rain until I can't breathe and my legs give out.

It's either that or eating 6 of those 100-calorie packs with a half gallon of milk on the side.

Or I make the phone call first (oh sorry, you haven't been in my head all day so you don't already know that I've been obsessing about whether or not I'll hear from the Yummy 24 year old ever again), which some people are telling me to do (men) and other people are telling me not to do (women). Ugh I'm so confused! Why do I even LIKE this guy, and his yumminess cannot be the only reason? I know there's another reason. There has to be. But what? WHAT IS IT?

And why am I so insecure as to think he won't call. Am I that bitter as to have NO expectations?

Shit. Boys make me crazy. Maybe this is a sign that I'm not ready yet for The Big Show. Or that 24 year olds have only one life function, and that is to be yummy.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Probably ONE person (you know who you are) will get this reference, but it describes...something at this moment

I need to watch some gay porn and get my hate back.

Progress

So things with Match Scott are pretty much on ice. We are emailing back and forth for...about 5 days now and he has yet to ask me for my number. What? Why? Sigh.

In other news, I met a HOT 24 year old this past Friday night. I didn't realize how hot he was until last night, but that's besides the point. We texted and talked all weekend. We had out technical "first" date last night and well...you know I have trouble with self control. He's Yummy. And plus, he'll be 25 in January. There are so many things wrong about this situation that it may have circled on back to right (thanks for that, MC). Only time will tell.

My lovely roommate (the one who isn't the douchebag) told me it was OK to have some fun with him, just as long as I truly didn't care if I ever heard from him again. I agreed...after all, I have Match Scott on ice. But the trouble started early with the 24 hotty and I was in way over my head before I even realized what was happening...and while I'm pretty sure I WILL hear from him again (but don't quote me on it) it's not a huge loss if I don't. I mean...I'll live.

All in all, last night was pretty awesome for a Monday. Let the good times roll.

I know, I said I would stop

Enter Match Scott. He winked at me. I like attention. He's taller than me. He has dark hair and green eyes.

What's a girl to do?

Go see...

Gone Baby Gone

Excellent movie, extremely well done. Ben Affleck directing, who knew? Makes me hate him a little less. That, and he was fantastic in Hollywoodland.

I'm still feeling emotional. But I can't really get a good cry going.

I need to own The Notebook and watch the last 45 minutes for moments like this. That would get the tears flowing.

I feel like I'm missing something.

When is my movie moment

You know that part in a movie, when the heroine overcomes all odds and pulls herself up by her bra straps and just fucking gets shit DONE?

I need that moment.

I ordered books today, books about having a mortgage and buying a house. I'm terrified. My heart is in my throat.

I had a mini breakdown last night with DC. He was good about it. I felt mildly pathetic. I was all "Waaaaah...I'm alone...waaaah...I need more money..."

Where was the Waaaahmbulance when I needed it?

And then I thought...where does this deep want come from to be in a relationship? What, really, is my big hurry? I've fallen in love before, it can happen again...right? And when it did, I wasn't a panicked, whining sad sack, that's sure as shit. Lord, I wouldn't even want to date me right now.

So, for now, I'm trying to snap myself out it. Because it seems as if I was in a good mood on Monday. Interesting...

P.S. The super cute guy from Saturday night did not call. And he won't call. And I hate him. But a lesson: I should have gotten HIS number.

News news news

So much to review! Where to start...

1. The Red Sox won the World Series. It didn't even seem hard. I wanted it to go seven games.

2. I replied to a "men seeking women" posting on craigslist last week (in my defense, it was printed out and handed to me), from some dude referring to himself as "T" (should have known!) and haven't gotten a response since I sent my picture. That makes a girl feel good. But...I asked for it.

3. I had the most fun I've had in a very long time on Saturday night. You know who you are, ladies...DAMN you're a good time!

4. On same aforementioned Saturday night, I witnessed a smack down, drag out girl fight. Eve (as in "Adam and...") vs. Bar Wench. In a crosswalk. Hairpulling was prominently featured. 1:30am. Just fantastic.

5. Also on Saturday night, I talked to a guy...wait for it...who was SO CUTE. And who ASKED ME FOR MY NUMBER. And I GAVE IT TO HIM. I looked like hot ass, too. (Remember how humid it was?) Miraculous! In typical single in the city fashion, I won't hold my breath for his call. It would be nice, but life goes on. No matter what, it was very a self affirming event.

Hooray!

I hate James Taylor

I don't even care if that makes me un-American.

I already had a headache.

Like "Hmmm...that's funny."

It's funny how love and support can come from a place and a person when you are least expecting it. And I also realize recently that I can be super critical of the way others are living their lives, yet taking a look at myself hasn't been as important.

So here it is...I need to stop being so cranky and snippy (because I really have been). Life is good! I need to lighten up and stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

So...Self...stop your bitchin'!

Baffled

Does this ever happen to you?

You recount the moments of your day while falling asleep in bed and all of sudden realized that, even though you are not in any way a perfect person, the most emotionally healthy, functional and non-annoying person you have encountered all day is...yourself?

Meanwhile...retail therapy is getting the best of me. All I want to do is shop. Who knew there were so many things that I absolutely need to have?

It's not so bad

I was in such a shitty mood this morning.

I don't feel good.

I had to deal with my douche bag of a roommate last night doing her boyfriend's laundry, not to mention piling so many dishes in the strainer (it would just be CRAZY to dry them and put them away, wouldn't it?) that I could not, for the life of me, locate a clean fork.

Then this morning I had just the cutest outfit planned and I was having a great hair day, only to come into work and be picked apart in a morning meeting. Thank goodness I didn't grow up with a parent who I could never, ever please. This job would be much harder if I had. Did I tell you that one of the owners of this place (the one that picked me apart) has the same exact birthday as my mother? Same day, same year. Yeah.

BUT I have to forge ahead. What choice do I have? It could be worse.

There have been other notable disappointments as of late, but also some people in my life who have shown me how absolutely wonderful and amazing they can be.

I thank my lucky stars that they put up with me. You know who you are.

And yes, I've absolutely, 100% given up on dating. eH Chris emailed me again this morning, and I told him that I'm taking a break and good luck and all that. I actually feel a kind of bad about it. But really...there would have been nothing there with him. Nothing at all. He doesn't like The Office.

Not like the crab

I've been quite the hermit this week. I've gone directly home every night and made dinner, done some chores around the apartment and then hid out in my room watching baseball and/or The Office. It's been a week of mood swings and private hissy fits, not to mention looks that could kill and many a sideways glance.

Every little thing is getting to me. Tones of voice, subtle movements, even topics of conversation. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to scream "Shut the fuck up!" at an innocent (or perhaps not so innocent) bystander.

I'm tired, I'm discouraged and I'm drained. It's not just singledom and it's ever encroaching permenance. True, that is a large part of my current unrest, but not all of it.

Choose another topic, any topic.

1. Work/Career
2. Housing status
3. Family drama
4. Hair
5. Pudge level

I don't mean to whine, really I don't.

I just feel stuck...like that time I was 10 and I drove a golf cart up onto a little hill and it got stuck on stop and I got in really big trouble.

Cancelled

I officially cancelled my Match Account today.
It will expire on January 27, 2008.

I officially cancelled my eHarmony Account today.
It will expire on November 24, 2007. The day after my 27th birthday.

A sense of relief has washed over me. Or is that despair? I can't tell anymore.

Now if I could JUST have some FUCKING PEACE AND QUIET after a LONG FUCKING DAY that would really be GREAT.

Eh ehm.

*Subsequent meltdown will begin in 3...2...1

I must be ovulating

Yes, it's true. And unbelievable, I know.

There is now even more reason to buy that Magic 8-Ball.

But for the most urgent question at hand (see previous entry), I don't need it. Last night, eH Chris once again emailed me asking if he could call me. When I did not respond to the email he of course did not call and instead...sent another email.

Wow...

WOW!

Both eH Chris and Match Frank are way off the reservation. Both are, for their own reasons, Date-iots. That's a Dating Idiot for those of you not in the know.

It's my blog. I can make up words.

I wouldn't usually just blow these Date-iots off with no explanation and leave them hanging, as I would never want to be left hanging.

But these guys? These guys don't even deserve an explanation. That's how completely frustrated and perplexed both of them have made me.

And I know...it's a collection of things that have put me in this state. But I'm going to project and blame it all on them.

It's OK as long as I know I'm doing it.

And if you're reading this and you're in a happy, loving, healthy relationship, please don't tell me about it. In fact, I'd like you to lie and tell me how lonely and miserable you are. I'm happy for you, I really am. But I just don't have the strength to pretend to your face. I hope you understand.

Meanwhile, I've eaten an entire box of macaroni and cheese and there are some cookies hidden somewhere that I need to find. The stress of the Red Sox game is the only reason I am emotionally eating.

The Magic 8-Ball says so.

Pimpin' ain't easy

So the end of last week was...upsetting, stressful and exciting...all at once.

The subsequent meltdown has not occurred yet but it can't be far behind. I'll be doing something completely normal like emptying the kitchen trash for the 2nd time in one day and I'll be pissed off about that, and then I'll just lose it because all the other emotions will bubble to the surface. I predict that to happen within the next...24 hours.

I had to make some difficult decisions at work, followed by the delivery of very difficult news. That's all I can say. It was...difficult.

The pathetic dating update:

Match Frank called me back on Thursday night from my return call that was placed on Tuesday in response to his call to me on Monday, the follow up first date call. I returned his call shortly after also on Thursday night. I shared news with him about my difficult work things and he sympathized...a little too much. He told me he would call me on Friday afternoon to "make sure I was OK." I told him that was nice, but really unnecessary. The items at hand were part of my job. Still, he called Friday afternoon and left me a voice mail. It starts off as quite nice: "Hey Stephanie, it's [Match Frank]. I know you've had a difficult day and I just wanted to say that if you needed a joke, give me a call."

It would have been great if it ended there. I would have said to myself "That was thoughtful and nice." But he continued: "I do have plans tonight [let it be known that Friday night was the first night of the ALCS and Match Frank is a big sports fan] but could make myself available and rearrange my schedule if you need to blow off some steam."

Hmmm...what does that mean exactly? I think you know the answer.

So if I was on the fence with him before, I've picked a side now. Ew. I wish I could put audio clips on here. Needless to say, I have not returned the call.

I also called eH Chris on Thursday night. I know, I wasn't going to. I think I felt like I should at least give him a chance to prove he isn't a big puss. And it was a good conversation! We chatted for about 45 minutes and only hung up because I had to go. It was promising. So then he emailed me the next day and we exchanged emails and he said he would call me on Sunday night. Well last night came and went and no phone call. Annoying. If you say you are going to call, then you call. Period. But he emailed me again his morning instead. When I called him out on the missed phone call, he apologized and gave me some lame excuse. But if I didn't call it out, I'm sure it would not have even come up. So he is a big puss. Shouldn't a Marine be more...aggressive? He's got the stoic thing down. More evidence that I just need to go with my gut.

Now comes the "Do I even bother meeting him?" decision.

To aid in these lofty questions, I hope to find and purchase a Magic 8 Ball. I think that will improve my life significantly.

I'm "that girl"

So I was planning on calling eH Chris tonight, I really was. He left me a very nice voice mail last night and genuinely sounds like he wants to hear from me.

But guess what. The Office: Season 3, Disc 2 was much more tempting. I had the phone in my hand, at 9:20 between Disc 1 and 2. But I just couldn't do it. I don't want to.

Additionally, I was hoping that Match Frank wouldn't call me back tonight, only because I would feel obligated to answer, and I really didn't want to talk to him.

Why? I have no good reason. None.

What's happening? I finally have some decent guys in the pipeline and I could really care less.

I think I'm shutting down. Maybe I need another break. Or a vacation. From everything.

Miracles can happen

Imagine my surprise when I received another email from eH Chris last night, post his email from last week giving me his phone number...after I had already given HIM my number in yet another previous email. Perhaps he realized he was retarded and a puss because his email was all "I was going to call but I didn't want to bother you while you were with your family." I wrote him back and told him the beauty of cell phones is that I can choose whether or not I want to be bothered. It totally has an "off" button. I don't get an electrical zap or anything everytime my phone rings. Now THAT would be bothersome.

Duh.

Needless to say, he got the picture because he called me about 20 minutes later. I was watching my new favorite show so I let it go to voice mail. Does that make me a little evil? Perhaps. Let him sweat a little, now that he's grown a pair.

Getting Lucky

So I had my date with Match Frank on Friday night. I know this will be sad for most of you to hear, but it was pretty uneventful.

I wasn't feeling that great all day Friday, so I left work a bit early to go home and take a nap. Eventually, I ended up sleeping most of the weekend. I'm blaming it on allergies.

Anyway...I was 20 minutes late to meet Match Frank at Lucky's here in Southie. It was a big game night and it took over an hour to get a cab to come and get me...and I wasn't walking two miles in heels. I called to explain, he was understanding. I get there and instantly see his bald head and have no doubts about approaching him from behind, just certain it's him. And I was right. So I think we kind of embraced. I can't remember. I was so out of it...I'm very surprised I had matching clothes on and even applied eyeliner. I woke up in a fog after my nap that continued until yesterday. So the conversation was good and he was very polite and funny. But I couldn't help but notice one thing.

When I looked at him, all I could think about was Jabba the Hut. It has something to do with extra neck skin combined with a wide smile. I am a terrible person. He's actually quite attractive in a stalky bald-headed man in his mid 30's kind of way, so I'm not sure why my mind is playing tricks on me.

Anywho...I did not think he would call because I was such a bump on a log. But low and behold...he called me yesterday! I returned the call today...hopefully we will connect again at some point. Was there a spark? Eh...hard to say. I felt like I was having an out of body experience for most of the date. The three beers only made it worse. I suppose only a second date will tell. History tells me that there will not be a third date, but history also tells me that I need to at least give him the chance. It's only fair.

Someone! Please explain

So I've been emailing with eH Chris a few times back and forth. He seems pretty normal, nice, even a bit funny. I wrote him an email last night and gave him my number. No, he didn't ask for it, but whatever. That's the next step...this I know.

So I get an email back from him this morning in which he gives me HIS number and tells me to "call anytime." WHAT? Excuse me? You're retarded. A girl gives you her number, you either call her or politely say you aren't interested. It's that easy.

Grow a set.

It's official. Guys on eH are total mama's boy pussies.

Trouble with a capital T

Hello friends!

WELL...Match Frank called me last night. Imagine that! We're meeting tomorrow night at a bar here in Southie. He picked a good place. I'm excited. We spoke for an hour and a half. He has a heavy Boston accent, which I find dangerously charming. Weird, I know.

So I'm hoping I don't find him too cute or too charming or too attractive. Because if so...it's been a while...and there might be trouble.

But then I will remind myself that I'm done with doing bad girl things on a first date.

Hoodwinked

Today, I am attempting to trick myself into thinking many, many things. Here are just a few.

1. That my hair is longer than it actually is. I pulled it into a "half ponytail" today with about 10 bobbypins. I'm sure I would set off a metal detector. I have no idea what the back up of my head looks like.

1a. That the back of my head MUST look better than the front.

2. That Match Frank will never call, nor will I ever hear from him again. Thinking that now will hopefully lead to less disappointment in the rest of men later.

3. That I have any authority over anything at work. Ha!

4. That I'm losing weight. This is a tricky one. My pants say one thing, my mind tries to tell itself another.

and finally...

5. That this weekend, with the extra day, will feel like a vacation.

Perhaps it's true that ignorance IS bliss.

Determination

So I've determined that I'm way too squishy per my preference. It's not that I want to lose weight necessarily (although according to my BMI, I am 20 pounds overweight for my height), it's just that I'd like to not be so doughboy-ish. And it's for myself, no one else so don't get all into "Oh she's losing weight for a guy" and all that crap. No, not it.

So I've started to keep track of what I eat and I found this website (www.sparkpeople.com) that is just great for tracking calories, carbs, protien and fat based on what you eat. It even has sample meal plans. If you're interested in seeing what it is you are eating EXACTLY, this site will tell you. It was a huge eye opener for me in terms of how many carbs I'm eating, which is way too many. So more protien it is. But they are also huge proponents of consistency and balance: The site is void of low and no carb dieting ideas.

It's also very rewarding although at times a bit corny. Also has exercise plans should you like or need that kind of guidance. I'm a huge fan. HUGE fan. Thanks to RS for introducing me. (wink if you're still reading)

In other news, I did end up emailing Match Frank my phone number yesterday morning. I haven't heard from him, but I'm not jumping to any conclusions. He probably has a pretty demanding job (remember those days?) and the Patriots DID play Monday Night Football last night. That's all a girl needs to know. And if he doesn't call? Whatever. I'm already over it.