I am (still) going to hell

I remember once when I was about 10 or so, I was in Toys 'R Us looking at Barbie clothes and I accidently left the store with a few outfits under my arm...without paying for them. I got about 5 steps out of the store when I realized what I had done and I immediately felt guilty and ran back into the store to confess my crime.

Since then, I cannot remember stealing anything...not even a pack of gum.

But last night, that all changed. The story is mildly amusing.

I left work with a medium level of annoyance for no particular reason, then proceeded to sit in traffic on the Pike for about an hour, which further heightened the aggrevation alert level to ORANGE. I still had to run some errands before I headed home. Recipe for meltdown? Yes.

First, I hit up the Hess station down the street from my house for some much needed gas for the car. The place was ridiculously crowded and after attempting to get up next to three different pumps, but being just moments too late before some other asshole snuck in, I finally settled in to good ole pump number 2.

I swiped my card, per usual, and started up the pump. After about 1.47 gallons, the pump stopped...and did not restart.

Now, in situations like this, I avoid actually entering the small store adjacent to the gas pumps AT ALL COST. No one speaks English and I just end up being a bitch. Not good for anyone.

An attendant approached me and explained (in broken english) that he would turn the pump back on, but that I would have to come inside to pay. Fine. Not an ideal situation, but I'll deal.

I finish pumping. $22.80 (I started will about a 1/4 of a tank) was the total. I enter the store and hand over my card. However...I cannot pay with my card for some reason which, even when explained to me, makes absolutely no sense. Can I pay with another card? NO. I need to pay cash.

Trouble is, I don't have that much cash.

You can use the ATM here in the store, he says, and he will refund the $2 charge. Trouble with that is, FELLA, that my bank charges me as well. No dice. I go back out to my car to attempt to rangle up $22.80 in cash. Not happening. Even with the cash that I have PLUS the random change in the car, I'm still about $2 short.

I can feel my face turning red and I see the line in the store getting longer. There are several other people having the same trouble.

So...I put the keys in the ignition, start up Lola, and drive away.

Victory is mine.

301st Post!!!

Holy crap...can you believe it? That's a whole lot of blogging on my part. Go me! I'm soooo 21st century.

I did the Walk for Hunger yesterday and it was way fun. I have blisters on the bottom of my feet, but I feel much better than I thought I would. Thanks to A and J for accompanying me and laughing at my jokes. That will always make you numero uno in my book.

It's Monday and I'm feeling good! Some stuff to do at work, should make the day go by pretty fast. Trying to get all this move stuff straight. I need to go furniture shopping.

Hmmm...hopefully the 302nd post will be more exciting (for you).

The Deep Post. Just Hear Me Out.

Since the beginning of the year, my ideas and beliefs about sex and relationships have changed. I've been trying to figure out if that's good or bad or...just is. I tend to lean towards the third option. I've learned so much about myself this year that it almost overwhelms me. Amazing people surround me, and have begun their friendship with me with no judgment. They really enjoy the person that I am. I never thought that was possible.

When I was in college and dating "the love of my life," I thought he was the last man I would ever be intimate with. To think how wonderfully naive that was, yet I am so glad to have believed it. As with any of my experiences in life or relationships or dates or flings, I would never change a thing. All these experiences are leading up to one thing...the man that really will be the most wonderful man in the world to me. He's out there waiting somewhere, and I know I will meet him when I am meant to.

Until then...I'm 26 and I'm having the best time of my life. Not everyday is great (please...you know me well enough to know I'll never shit rainbows), but there are days when it gets so damn near close to being perfect, those moments when I am so proud of what I have done and the woman that I have become, that I could cry.

To finally believe that I am a beautiful and successful woman is...

It's every emotion all at the same time. I've never felt the way I feel today. I feel free and liberated and ready for absolutely anything.

Am I proud of all of my choices? Duh. Of course not. Everyone makes mistakes and lets the clouds that blur their judgment roll right in. After all, every "mistake" is a learning experience. If I had the choice to go back in time and do anything differently, I never would. Because then maybe I wouldn't feel the way I feel now.

And why would I want to change this moment?

This moment right now. It feels so fucking good.

I haven't logged into Match or checked my Match dedicated email account in over a week. It's really quite nice and I like the break. The month of May is going very well so far. I know...it's the 3rd day of the month. But I love that the intense focus is gone. I think I've been taking the whole thing too seriously and perhaps expecting way too much out of online dating.

But would I ever take things too seriously? Naaaaaahhhh

I get happier and happier everyday about the decision I made to work in the city, and I know it will only get better when I live there. It's a lot to look forward to and

Am I a bit stressed out this week? Uhm, yeah. All of a sudden, there are a million things going on and I feel like I can't keep up with anything.

I'm trying to stay in touch with everyone and go out and have fun. I haven't talked to my sister in...I don't even remember how long. But it's ok because the break is good. I need to focus on getting my own act together before I walk into the drama vortex. Who knows what's brewing as of late. But of course I feel guilty for not having spoken to her, and I'm trying to ignore it, because I shouldn't feel guilty.

I just need to relax.

P.S.

Fuck Match Peter. This is the last time he will be mentioned...EVER.

(Unless a notable event occurs, of course)

She works hard for the money

Hmmm...not really.

I love my new job. It's very...managerial. I have someone that screens my calls. I can ask someone else to do mind numbing tasks. It's like heaven.

But really...I'm still new and I'm testing the boundaries around here. It's an interesting place, to say the least.

This week is a good week. I feel really good about taking a month off from dating. I know that you are all secretly hoping I don't stick to that, because then you would be much more entertained. You don't really care about my job or my upcoming move.

You care about the drama...the ensuing hilarity of my unfortunate online dating life.

It's ok. I understand. You can admit it. This is a safe place.

Hot Flashes and Memory Loss

I think I'm going through menopause.

Good Bye Moody, Hello Broadway!

That's right! I'm moving my ass to Southie!

As of June 1st, I will officially be a resident of South Boston. I'm pretty excited about it and I think it's the perfect time for a change of scenery.

Although it's really a shame I am not at all Irish, I have a feeling I will be welcomed with open arms regardless. It seems to me like the most forgiving part of town.

And I could use some love right now. Bring it, G Street!

Oh Wait! That's right...I have no patience for this bullshit

I haven't heard from Match Peter, and I don't expect to. He did leave his commemorative Patriot's cup at my apartment, along with some other "things," so who knows how important that is to him. Otherwise, I don't have the patience for this shenanigans. Yeah, he's fun, but the pros just don't outweigh the cons in this particular Match Disaster.

I know I've said this before, but I am taking a hiatus from my friend Match.com. He lies, he cheats, and he gets my hopes up just to rip my heart out and kick it while it's down. We're in a fight...and we're on a break.

I'm sure that I will still have plenty of material, so I don't want you to worry about that. I know you were stressin'.

I have other news, but it deserves its own entry.

Friday Night Fun

I saw Match Peter last night...all night. Yes yes...he's still a friggin' idiot, but last night was very fun. He's a machine, that's all I will say.

Does this make him any more attractive to me, relationship wise?

Nah...less actually. Especially after he was supposed to take me out to dinner tonight and totally bailed.

And that, my friends, is why low expectations are a wonderful thing.

I don't know how I end up being more of the grown up when dealing with a 29 year old man.

Oh wait...I do know.

It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and I cannot wait to close my eyes.

Uh huh...I changed the sheets.

:)

Mr. Right Now? Is that you?

Oh Match Peter. What will I do with you?

I met him last night to retrieve my watch. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was not expecting the events that unfolded.

Long story short, he claims we are hanging out tomorrow night. He told me he would come up with something for us to do. I'm all "whatever" because I don't trust him at all.

But since this is my blog, I'll be honest: There is something about him. What? I don't know. Am I curious to try and figure it out? YES. Should I try to figure it out. No. In the end, I know it won't be worth the effort.

Match Peter is...how do I say...a spaz. He is very animated and all over the place. I didn't know that someone like him existed. Is he a big dumb animal? Yes. Do I think we could have fun together? Yes. Do I think that it could ever be anything serious or long term?

That would be a big NO.

What's a girl to do??

I'll tell you: I'm living my life and taking it as it comes.

Celibacy must be the answer

Hello hello.

Oh Match Peter. You are a retard.

All week, I have been initiating all contact with Match Peter. He has done none on his own. Sure, he keeps returning my texts and emails but...what's a girl to think?

Survey says...He's just not that into you. And, because I can be a real psycho girl, I've been all tied up about it all week. I hate not knowing...Will I see him again? Will this go anywhere? Talking about it ad nauseaum with some amazing friends, and I was even getting sick of hearing about it.

SO...we had made "sort of" plans for Saturday but I didn't hear from him at all today SO I made a decision. I didn't want to drag this out until Saturday. I want my fucking watch back. (Yeah, I left it as his place. I DID NOT do this on purpose.)And from what I can tell, he just is not that into me.

So I send a text...he ends up CALLING me (for the second time EVER), asking me what's up, aren't we hanging out on Saturday?

As you may imagine, I exploded. "What's UP? You're not into me and it's obvious." NEW NEWS to him, he says. Then he mumbles something about "stability" and "normalcy" and I get WAY pissed off and then he says "this always happens." I mean...do I even need to go into this any more?

The conversation ended with him not being able to talk about it at work. Fine.

We agreed to meet after his Yoga class in Somerville at 9:15 this evening.

Now...this is the tough part. I had TONS of fun with Match Peter. I mean...it was a blast. I like him, I like his hot bod, I like his personality, I like that he likes me. Did I mention the hot bod?

Depending on how it goes, I'm not putting it past myself to sleep with him and run with my watch, never to speak to him again.

And then I think, if I can do it with a straight face and get away with it...oh man...that would really kick ass.

What will most likely happen? He will open his mouth and I will want to leave immediately.

But at least I will have my watch back.

Idol gives me a headache

I think a play by play is completely appropriate for this particular episode. I turned my phone off and everything.

You know I love everything American Idol, and I understand that they are trying to do a good thing with this. Raise some money, save some lives, give America a kick in the ass. I really get it. But it's futile. I suppose what discourages me the most is that, while this intro of Simon and Ryan amongst the impoverished in Africa is moving (in its own way), it will be forgotten about by *almost* everyone who saw it...and it will take about three minutes. Probably less. I give American too much credit. Oh...and the music in the background is Coldplay. Do I need to say more?

Am I being a hypocrite? Why yes, yes I am.

Song choices are something about the human condition blah blah blah. I think I heard something about Bono earlier, but I hope it was a daymare. Unlike most of the Earth, I can't stand Bono. I think he's a pretentious prick.

Chris is singing Eric Clapton "If I Could Change the World" and it's awful. Wrong song. Poor Chris. He knows he's not winning anyway. Valient effort to save it at the end but it still sucked. Hard. Randy thinks it was good, so does Paula. Simon...? He liked it. Hmm...I thought it was pretty shitty. Whatever.

Everyone has two numbers for voting. I forgot they do that when they get down to six.

Twice as much time to vote!!!

More footage...now from the US. Randy goes to Louisiana, his home state. Rural Kentucky...oye. Arizona...Atlanta, Ryan's home town...Paula hugging children

Melinda is singing Faith Hill. She looks good and she has lost that weird humble shrinking neck thing (for the most part). Uh huh...


Eh...maybe it's just me, but I'm not into this. It's too much of a lovefest. Ew. Where's the mean? Bring nasty back!!

I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person...much.

I love my life, I have no dreams

While I was doing the dishes, I was thinking about what I should write about.

I could talk about my dating life, but I had a bit of a break down earlier today, from which I have recovered, and I'm sick of rehashing the whole game. I think I need to be done with dating for a while. I'll have another go at it some other time. The universe doesn't have to hit me over the head with it anymore.

Entertainment Tonight used to be good. I remember once when I enjoyed watching it. So I tuned to it tonight at 7:30 for a change, as my usual background noise while I'm settling in for American Idol is The Simpsons.

ET is so bad that I can't look away, and I find myself shaking my head with my mouth half open in disgust. It is barrel bottom celebrity trash talk about B rated nobodys. One of the top stories for Thursdays upcoming show: Olivia Newton John and her anorexic daughter (I've already forgotten her name). Who the hell cares about this? I feel insulted that ET would even believe for a millisecond that this topic interests me AT ALL. I want Lindsay Lohan, I want Britney, I want some decent, meaty shit. If they are going to do it, they need to just take it all the way. It needs to be completely shameless, like anything on E! That channel is amazing and priceless (for the most part). A topic for tomorrow's ET show? Larry Dickhead with Danny Lynn "on a blanket" posing in some seedy magazine. What an asshole. I don't think I need to explain why.

Idol Gives Back. Really?

We'll see.

Dating for Idiots

Is there a book? Maybe a graph or something? Pie chart? Reference library?

It is just about 100% clear to me that Match Peter isn't Mr. Right. Do I still pursue? Do I continue to put myself out there? Eh...probably not. I think I'll let him come to me. The laws of communication and the games I play in my own head. I called him last night and why? I think he's fun and girls can be horny, too. He returned my call...I was asleep. So I texted him today, we went back and forth for a bit, and he doesn't reply to my last text, hours ago. I don't get it.

I hate the game and I hate wondering what the hell is going on. Do you like me or do you not like me?

Match Peter mentioned something about his last long term relationship being a "big mess" and "not getting into anything right away" or something like that. His profile says something about trust so I wonder what the story is there. I'm not asking. He's pretty fun, but I doubt he's the one.

I think I'm making such great progress with this realization. Yay for me!

Here we go again

So the pirate is finished. Did I mention that already? It looks beautiful. Even Match Peter says so.

Speaking of Match Peter. Last night was date number one. And it was a very long date...17 hours to be exact. Needless to say, I had a great time. And even if I never saw him again, it would be OK. But I hope I do see him again, as we get along well and he makes me laugh. Like laugh until my stomach hurts.

If you are interested in more specific details about said 17 hour long date, I am more than happy to oblige.

He's cute, smart and funny. The most dangerous of all trifecta.

Slim pickins

I got to page 12 of my "mutual matches" and realized that my dream guy, or anything remotely close to it, is just not on Match right now. Oh man...there is just nothing going right now on that site!

On a much happier note, I am very close to being done with my pirate.

(Don't front...you were way curious)

You gave me the idea

Match Peter is perfectly aware that I write about him in my blog. Why? Because I foolishly told him.

So, when I asked him if he was excited to meet me tomorrow night for our first date, he only responded with a generic answer, noting that I was going to post whatever he sent in my blog. He knows me so well already.

I accused him of stalling, that I wanted him to answer the question, and that I had been entirely too busy coloring to write about him.

So he returns my request with this:

If by excited you mean anxiously awaiting the hour of nine in the prime meridian time frame in the eastern standard time zone for tomorrow evening the 20th of April. Also know as 4/20 amongst the patchouli savvy. Than yes, yes I am excited.

Oh, I see.

So much for "advice"

Because I obviously live my life based on the advice of my horoscope, I was confused by Today's Daily Horoscope:

You might be thinking about the possibility of an impossible love, but don't fall victim to your unrealistic fantasies. Even if you want to escape, you must remember that first there are things that you must do. Enjoying yourself in real life can minimize your dependence on fantasy, but don't run out on any promises you already made.

Huh?

I just want to color in my pirate

Today was my first day at the new place. It was good. It felt like I'd been there for a while, which means I fit right in. It's super different. I can eat at my desk! There is a lot less activity within the office, but so much more outside!

Basically, I'm getting paid a whole ton more to do much less work. It's pretty fantastic.

But I'm tired. It was a bit draining. I had quite a bit thrown at me today and I'm still absorbing.

And plus, all I was thinking about all day was coming home to color. I didn't even realize that American Idol is on tonight. I'm a coloring addict. The pirate is just asking me to color him in tonight. His hat, his telescope, his feathered cap...I can't wait!

Oh! Match Peter (formally known by another name that also started with "P" but I thought better of it and changed it) emailed me today with a pretty funny link.

For your pleasure:
http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925

Oh Shit

I'm not gonna lie. I'm REALLY nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. I sort of know what to expect, but I sort of don't. I'm scared shitless!

But I'll get over it. I'm sure everything will be fine. Isn't it always?

I had my aura read today.

No, I'm not kidding. It was awesome. I highly recommend it.

I discovered that I need to be better to my inner child. And it completely makes sense. I never got to be a carefree, little kid, so the chick needs some serious attention.

I went out and bought markers and colored pencils and a coloring book. I also bought one of those books where you connect the numbered dots and they make a picture. Remember? It's magical.

However...that isn't the icing on the cake.

I bought a felt poster of a pirate. I get to color it in. I have one of the palm trees and the buried treasure done so far. It's going to look so cool when it's done.

I am so weak

Ah. I cracked. I texted Match Peter.

GOD DAMMIT!!!

Girly girl

This just goes to show you how much of a dynamo I am. It's fun for me to keep you guessing, right?

I really want Match Peter to call me. I really want to talk to him. I absolutely love the sound of his voice. He could read the Wall Street Journal to me and I would go craaaaaazy. We've been texting back and forth since I spoke to him on Friday, but no texts from him so far today. He's very clever. And I can already tell he can keep up with my extremely sharp wit (hahhaha) and that he's a social person and has real friends (eh ehm...this is a direct slam at Match Bill).

This mild desperation is, of course, not a part of the "personality" that I project most of the time in the "real" world. But I love to pretend that I am extremely confident and free of self doubt. It's so fun to think so!

But really, as most of you know, I will always revert to that little girl, just desperate for someone to love her. I hate that girl! She's such a whiny mess. I've pushed her out for the most part, but she rears her ugly head when men enter the picture. Why? If I had any fucking clue, it wouldn't be a problem. It's not like I have Daddy issues. Although...well...there are the Mommy issues.

Ew. I don't even want to think about how twisted that is right now. That's "you're paying to hear me talk" material.

Anyway, I've gotten off track.

I will NOT text, I will NOT call. It's against the rules for me to turn psycho over this one guy who is probably a creep and just wants to screw me.

I mean...odds are...

Just one of the great mysteries of the world

It occurred to me today that the majority of the staff at my gym (insert ridiculous gym name here), minus the trainers, are visibly overweight. Is that any way to bring in the clients? I can picture the introduction during the "new members" tour now...

"Well, here at our front desk are Mary and Wendy. They really can't move around too much due to their excessive weight, so they just man the phones. That way, they can stay in one place and won't embarrass the other gym staff by being out on the work out floor. Our corporate office made us hire them; some sort of ridiculous diversity quota we had to fill. At any rate, don't pay any mind to them. They only speak if spoken to."

The cherry on this sludge sundae? The owner of the particular franchise location that I frequent is a portly woman, at least 50 pounds overweight.

It doesn't make any sense. It's like a mind fuck...do they do that on purpose? Does the rest of the staff use them as an example?

"You better keep coming back or you'll look like that. You don't want that, do you?"

Don't get it twisted: I'm not trying to be mean. It's not that I have anything against fat people. God knows that, according to the American Board of Health, I am borderline obese.

But I don't WORK at a gym.

I can't figure it out.

Pain in the...

I'm not sure what I did to my neck in my sleep but it's super stiff on the right side and I'm really uncomfortable. Does this give me a valid excuse to be a lazy shit all day? Why yes! Perfect. After all, I only have two days of vacation left before I'm thrown into a whole new world.

So Match Peter ended up texting me late Thursday night, mere hours after I had given him my phone number, and told him to be quick about it. He is really good at following directions, which is great, because I'm bossy. I got the text yesterday morning (Friday), and Match Peter and I continued to text each other all day. I asked him about his Saturday night plans and he said he had some "tentative plans" with a friend but could probably bail. I told him NOT to bail on his friend, even though I was feeling him and really did want to go out with him sooner rather than later. Then he ended up calling me while I was on my way to go out (more on that later) and told me it was up to me: He could probably bail on his friend, but said friend is kind of a pansy and is already making a big deal out of it. So I told him to just go...even though he wouldn't be able to hang out again until the following Friday.

Did I gain major points? Eh...probably. Have I already established that I am the understanding, selfless, amazing woman? Sure.

But guess what? I still don't have a fucking date for tonight. Booo.

And I have not heard a peep from Match Dave. Ugh, lame.

In other news, I went out with some new friends last night and had a blast. These chicks...these chicks are cool and on the level. You know what I mean. No drama, no bullshit. And plus, I'm such a sucker for anyone who thinks I'm funny.

Updates to follow. I'm seeing a flurry of action on my Match profile, so I'm sure there will be unending entertainment. You realize if I ever find "the one," this blog will be shit, right?

Square One

I don't even want to go out on a date with Match Dave anymore. He's giving me the biggest run around and I'm all set.

I sent Match Peter my number today and told him not to wait too long to call me, because I'm very impatient. We'll see how he responds to my sarcastic bitchiness in all its glory. Something tells me he'll do well.

Does he have Verizon? That is yet to be determined...

My vacation is coming quickly to an end! But I'm excited about my new job. I wish I could be irresponsible and blow some credit card $$ on new clothes but...I just can't do it!

Damn you, Adulthood!!

Tricky tricky

This is one of the many reasons I hate dating. Argh.

So...Match Dave told me he was free all weekend, so I emailed him and asked if Saturday was good. He did not confirm. But he's been texting me, which is interesting, although not referring directly to the date. I even gave him an out and said "If you're not interested in hanging out, it's fine, just let me know." and he was all "No, I definitely want to hang out." Have I gone over this already with you?

I'm so impatient. I need to know when and where and what I should wear. Like...yesterday.

I'm trying to be breezy and not push it. It's just not my nature.

Hot Dog!

I could really get used to this not working thing. You would be amazed at what you can do to just waste a day away. And you don't even have to turn on the TV to do it! Why the hell was I worried about being bored?

In other news, things have finally turned around on Match.

Seems as though I have a date with Match Dave on Saturday evening. I emailed him today and asked if he was really into hanging out, because he didn't sound like it on the phone. And he was adamant that he wanted to. So that's good.

Match Peter sent me yet another email this morning with a link he thought I would find interesting/amusing. Eh...not all that wonderful.

OOoooo...I'm in the driver's seat now!

Damn

What an evening...

First of all, I cannot remember the last time I was still awake at 1am. I'm not sure if that is really sad or a sign of my responsibility. Whatev.

A review...

1. I called Match Dave. Not only does he not live at home, he drives a Jeep Unlimited AND when he does smoke, he smokes a pipe - a tobacco pipe - which I think is absolutely hilarious. Oh, and he's actually almost 6' tall, but wanted to under shoot his height. And about the sarcasm...he just doesn't like when he can't tell if someone is kidding, or if they are just being mean. Ah yeah...ditto. He gave me his email address and told me to email him tomorrow "if I get a chance." I just don't know if I can find the time! We talked for an hour. The weird thing is that he didn't bring up hanging out, so I brought it up. He seemed agreeable. We'll see.

2. Match Peter returned my email. It is mildly hilarious. I think I'll wait four days to write him back. Sucka!

Looks like things have turned around for the moment. I had to share.

Gawd!

After being so excited about Match Peter, he hasn't written me back after 4 days. So...I'm writing him off.

I'll give Match Dave a call this evening, unless something better comes up, which I doubt. He is my only prospect thus far.

I spent $40 on books at Borders, so I have to read them.

I totally forgot that yesterday was Easter. Did anyone else enjoy "Peeps at Sea" or "The Amazing Growing Peep"? Serious family fun.

Oh...and in case there are some of you out there who don't know this, I am off until the 17th, so the blog entries will be abundant. Yay for you!

I wish I was better at this

I'm terrible at trying to relax. Not having anything to do or think about makes me nervous. Of course I've put together a list of little projects for myself, but I don't seem to want to do any of them at the moment. And plus, MADE is on. And sleeping is so much fun. I woke up at 8:30 with every intention of heading to the gym, but instead went back to bed for another two hours. I even made myself a to do list for today!

I think I have an unhealthy obsession with Match. I'm not sure why I am so desperate to find "the one." Maybe I think that if it doesn't happen soon, it will never happen. I've never been in such a big hurry to not be single. I'm not sure where this comes from, but I don't like the desperation I feel. It's completely unnecessary and needs to go away. I might call Match Dave today. Perhaps when I know he won't answer...like during work hours.

I need to pick out a book to read this week. It's one of my mini time off goals.

Other online dating updates

No one else has winked at me besides Match Dave, and Match Peter has not written me back. If he does, you'll be the first to know.

Also, I have winked at a few other likely bachelors. We'll see what the next few days brings.

Match "Dave"

So I've emailed back and forth with Match "Dave" (his real name is fairly unique so I've changed it for our purposes) a few times and he gave me his phone number on his second email. He looks good on paper, he winked at me, but I'm a bit hesitant. And of course, I will tell you why.

First of all, Dave's living situation has "no answer" listed. To me, this means he lives with his parents. Why else would you list no answer? Hmpf.

Second of all, Dave apparently smokes "occasionally," and I believe it is up for interpretation as to how often "occasionally" really is.

Third of all, Dave's only turn off listed is sarcasm. Uh...he must be new here. That's my entire bag.

Fourth of all, Dave has 5'11" listed as his height, which means he's more like 5'9" to 5'10". He also may be a little pudgy, which isn't really a problem, but too pudgy is a problem.

Good things about Dave: He seems relatively clever and intelligent, he is getting his Master's in Special Education, he is a teacher, he looks pretty cute...he has a very cute dog and a Jeep. Most of you know about my soft spot for both of those. He also referred to himself as the "Swiss Army Knife of Fun" which is pretty amazing.

I'll let you know if I decide to call him. He is, in fact, "IN" (Yes, I asked) so I can add that to the plus side.

Part of me wants to call him and say something like this: "Look, I don't want to waste either of our time. Let me ask you a few questions...1. How often do you really smoke? 2. Do you live with your parents. 3. Do you know that I am sarcastic? 4. How tall are you REALLY? 5. Are you a lazy fat ass? 6. Is your dog trained and obedient? 5. What kind of shape is this Jeep you speak of really in? 6. Are your intentions pure? What are your questions for me?"

Is that too forward? My horoscope says Sometimes you can be so overconfident that others think you've gone too far. You might even surprise yourself with your boldness. Now, however, you can go beyond your normal limits and get away with behavior that would normally be unacceptable. Trust your intuition and just be yourself. Others are more willing now than ever to accept you just as you are

So that means he would be OK with that list of questions, right? Either that, or my worst fears above are true.

I am so wary of guys my age (He's 26) because they are usually just looking to hook up. Learned that lesson the hard way.

Eh EM.

this blog is ridiculously self indulgent

I feel like such a fun sucker.

I should have much more stamina and energy for going out, having a good time...I should want to try and find guys to hit on. Right?

I had the hair going on, some seriously fantastic eye make up (thank you, MAC) and even thought myself looking on the skinnier side. Good for me, right?

Tonight was really fun. It would have been more fun if everyone had stopped asking me whether or not I was having fun, and if no one had given me a hard time about the amount of alcohol I was drinking. That was just annoying. Just leave it alone. I had a great time, nonetheless.

At any rate, tonight was my send off from my old job, with most of my work peeps in attendance...or at least the ones who matter. It's interesting how you become friends with people at work that you may have never become friends with otherwise. It is also humbling. Tonight, I was humbled. It feels good, but it also makes me feel like a know it all up until this point. So I've told myself to shut the fuck up.

Because guess what? The world happens to be so much bigger than Stephanie, and she still has so much to learn about it and herself.

(Who knew?)

I should never write in the third person. Ever.

What was I worried about?

Oh! Finally!

Someone on Match wrote me back. My (online dating) self confidence is restored.

Someone who thinks I'm funny and witty. Someone who wrote, in his response to me, "I don't even know where to start with you."

Ahhhhh. I don't know, either.

Below, my initial email to him. I've inserted some helpful details from his profile to help you, the reader, follow along:

I see a hint in your "places of interest" to my favorite movie. ["Vegas Baby" which, of course, refers to Swingers, my favorite movie. You should really know that by now] That deserves an email...not merely a wink.

And I sure am glad you have that "no meathead" disclaimer [he in fact does have this disclaimer, which is a good thing because based on looks alone, I'd put him in that category] in there. I would never have known...Kidding, of course.

I'm sarcastic. It's a blessing and a curse. I feel the same way about guys out there as you do about women [he mentions that all of the "girls" out there are like vanilla ice cream, and he's looking for double mint chocolate chip]...they all look and sound the same, especially when wearing a Red Sox hat. Everything sounds the same, looks the same [I repeated myself here. I must have not proofread] and I'm relieved to come upon a profile that doesn't start with "I hate writing about myself" or "I never thought I would do something like this, but here I am." Thank you for that. I was about to go cross eyed.

At any rate...I would label myself as Mad Dog Mango sorbet [aforementioned comparison of women to ice cream flavors]...made up of mostly sweet but with hints of spice. I tried so hard for that not to sound corny, too. [I really did try hard but when I reread it...ugh. Yet he wrote back]

Hope to hear from you soon, Stephanie

And without further ado, his response and...Your introduction to Match Peter:

All I can say is "wow". I don't even know where to begin with you. Let's just start with I might possibly have the website you've been waiting for your entire life. I feel like I need a drumrolll or something but away, we, go:

http://www.wwtdd.com

I'll just let you examine it and come at me with comments.

So I thought I would be the big bear with claws Mikey and write back and not the little bunny in the corney Mikey and wait around. You cried when Phil Hartman died? Is it because Troy McClure died with him? I think that's so --- romantic. I've never fallen in love with a sentence before buy golly gee whiz I think you might have just done it kid. Congratulations. You won the forementioned website. I think that totally kicks the crap out of any showcase showdown prize. But I'll allow you to be the judge.

Hope you're having a good start to the night ---
Peter

Peter's attempt to impress me with the above website is such a valient effort. True...I had never heard of it, but it is along the lines of my most favorite celebrity-trashing website EVA: www.gofugyourself.com, which really can't be touched.

And by golly gee whiz...this guy sounds like he's on the level.

Wait...

I just realized that the guy who rejected me has a Glamour Shot for one of his pictures, and he's looking for ONLY girls with green eyes. He has 5' 10" as his height, so we know that means max 5' 81/2", which is too short for me anyway.

Oh...and he isn't exactly raking it in financially.

Ahhhh. I feel so much better.

I feel sick

I just got a "Thanks, but..." email back from a guy on Match I wrote to earlier this evening. Apparently we are not a match.

Uhm...not going to lie...makes me feel pretty shitty.

It seems as though the Match gods are not shining their light upon me.

I think someone is trying to tell me something.

Don't mess with me

Match.com has reported an "issue" with my new profile. Huh? I changed some words around for various things that may be considered sexual or racist or whatever (which is nothing) and it better go through this time.

Meanwhile...American Idol is on and the multimedia is giving me a headache.

The download:
Tony Bennett week is not my favorite. Yawn!! Should they sing the songs like they are written, Tony? Should they??

Blake: Always good, great voice. Something about his mouth still creeps me out.

Phil: Put a hat on and go home to your new baby. He gives me the creeps and, per usual, Paula has no idea what she's talking about.

(Speaking of Paula...the blazer, the scarf? None of it makes sense. Randy is gaining back all of his weight and Simon is showing chest hair. Nice henley!)

Melinda: Great hair, great dress. Love it. Duh. She's always amazing...when she's singing. When she's not, I feel as though there is something slightly...off about her. Is this like a Kelly Pickler deer in headlights deal or what?

Chris: The stylists seem to be pushing for the JT look alike thing. I don't get the useless suspender straps. But he's cute and he's talented.

Jordin: So cute, so young, so joyous. She's young and doesn't know yet...

Gina!: Hate the dress and the hair. I think Simon was a bit rough on her. She sang it well.

Sanjaya: I threw up. Everywhere. And then I laughed my ass off when Simon called him "Incredible."

(Match still hasn't approved my Portrait!!!! Grrrr)

Haley: Three words: Green disco ball. Way to flaunt the hooch...again. She needs to go.

Lakisha: I was worried one of her boobs were going to pop out. But she's diva-licious, of course.


I hate when people are in my apartment at 9 at night on a Tuesday and I need to go into the kitchen in my pajamas. I don't want to say hi to anyone or see anyone. I just want to get my fudge pop and be done with it.

Craisins for crazy

I feel a bit manic right now. I think I know why (besides the Craisins, which are delicious).

I have reached a point where I have truly triumphed in my professional life. It hit me today that I should be really proud of myself. And today, if only for a moment, I really was.

If I can do that, I sure as hell can apply it to my personal life.

So, I grew determination today.

Below, see my old Match.com profile. For those of you unfamiliar with Match, this is the "free form" section where you can write "about me and what I'm looking for."

I'm going to be really honest and upfront here because that's my personality. Happy reading!

I am a kind hearted person with an edge (it's indescribable for this purpose) looking to find a best friend and lover. I'm not interested in casual dating. I'm not interested in a male version of myself, because that's boring and I'm not sure it wouldn't drive me crazy. I need someone who makes me laugh and helps me relax. Admittedly, I can be a bit uptight. But admitting you have a problem is the first step.

For me, it's fun to have differing opinions in order to have some passionate discussions. Some things we should have in common, or have openmindedness about: politics, thoughts on religion, a "maybe yes, maybe no" outlook on having children, sleeping in whenever possible, working hard at our jobs and our relationship, and an appreciation for our families, no matter how dysfunctional they may be (or how annoying they can be). And dogs. Someday, I want a dog.

I am determined and driven. I like to get riled up. I enjoy my job and am successful in what I do. I'm kind of a nerd. And it would be cool if you were kind of a nerd, too. I want someone I can talk to who doesn't just nod and mumble. I'd like to be with someone who can teach me something about myself.

Sure, I can have my lazy moments, but I am a slave to my to do list. Read: a bit neurotic. (Again...admittance is key here!) Cleaning is a hobby. I know it's weird. It may have something to do with living with two men (no, I'm not dating either of them). I'm a neat freak, for sure. Don't get this confused with germaphobe.

I don't cook but could learn. Cooking for just one seems a bit pointless. I'm really good at following directions so it can't be that hard.

I like affection and being close. I'm a big snuggler and just plain old making out is one of my favorite things. Sloppy kissers need not apply.

There needs to be a connection, much more than commonalities and physical attraction. These two things are important, of course, but I don't have a particular "type" of guy I look for when it comes to the physical part. Personality is just as important. I mean it! And if I'm taller than you are with heels on, you need to be OK with that, because I could care less.

I am very sarcastic and have quick wit (majority of the time). You have to be able to keep up with me without coming off as arrogant and full of yourself (ditto for me). There is a fine line between that and confidence, and sometimes arrogance is covering up for lack of confidence. I have yet to meet a man who can hover over that line successfully. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm a sucker for silly bathroom humor and love movies like Tommy Boy. Farting and burping are welcome (more like required), so are beer and sports (especially baseball). I may be a bit of a square sometimes (see above about being a neat freak), but I also know how to be a goofball.

I've been rejected and done rejecting. I've read the book "He's just not that into you" and I get it. Just please don't make me guess.

I will have an opinion about almost everything and will never shrug my shoulders when you ask me what movie I want to see or food I want to eat. At the same time, I can compromise.

I am generous with my time and my caring. I don't need a man to complete my life, but I do want to find stud who gets it. Is that you?

There is no doubt that this is an accurate portrail of my personality and what I'm looking for, as best as one can write such a thing about themselves. I re-read it last night and something was missing. Or rather...there wasn't enough missing. I need to put the best representation of myself out there and that wasn't really it. I need to contain the crazy...at least a little.

On the way home from my second to last day at work, I had a great idea. What am I always talking about? What do I love? What can I get lost in?

And the answer is...POP CULTURE. Movies, music, celebrity gossip, television...anything! Big shout out to The Hindu Heat for the inspiration.

SO...here's the new "about me and what I'm looking for" section:

Do you like to talk about pop culture? Do you have many, upon many meaningful opinions on the topic?

Yes and Yes.

Just to name a few:
The dynasty that is American Idol. Ryan Gosling and why I think he’s the next Ed Norton. Why Justin Timberlake is an amazing musician and why I don’t think he’s hot. The great, good, bad and horrible of the television network that is E!. Why Paula Abdul is famous and I’m not. Why I’m sick of hospital dramas, and why Scubs is popular. Why I don’t have DVR or Tivo. The Netflix phenomenon. iTunes. Reality TV and what it says about the current human condition. Sub Sub topic: Come on! Are people really like that? (Specifically in reference to anything on MTV, and how I’m drawn in, despite the horror). Why Swingers is the best movie ever made and Fight Club is the second. Does Ryan Seacrest sleep or is he clone of Dick Clark that was created in a laboratory? What happened to Dunkleman? Why I do, in fact, love New York. Where James Fry went wrong and how he could make a come back. Books made into movies. Movies made into books. Great American Authors and why I can't help but read any book by John Irving. Actors that become politicians. Politicians that become actors. Why I hate James Taylor. Why I think Tarantino is over-rated. Why I think Linklater is under-rated. Spoiler Alert! Why the new James Bond is the best James Bond, and why the new bond girl may be the worst (concurrently, why I think it’s just fine that she bites it in the end). Why I want JK Rowlings money. What I think is actually wrong with Tom Cruise (concurrently, How society reacts to celebrity and how celebrity reacts to itself). Why I cried when Phil Hartman died. Why I don’t watch Lost, Grey’s Anatomy or 24. Why I hate Blockbuster. Why women don’t like video games and why men get lost in them. Why I need a high definition TV. Why “The Soup” is the best show on television. Why “Law and Order” isn’t. Why I miss Beavis and Butthead.

Why we need online dating.

I like it, quite a bit. I think it's fucking genius, actually.

Shhh...it's the craisins talking.

Faith restored?

Well, after sifting around Match for an 1/2 hour, I found that there are some normal guys on there. Normal, cute guys. Whether or not they will return my interest is another story.

Prepare for rejection...ready...GO!

Ok...ready?

Yeah...so not ready.

I think I'm going to take a break from Match. I don't think I can handle it. I know, I know. I have absolutely no patience and have only been back on for 5 days. I'm being unreasonable. It's just that every time I sign in and see none of my winks or emails returned (except for Tony the Jew, who insists on emailing back and forth millions of times but has not asked me out. I don't think he's that cute anyway) and only to be met with the interest of those I am NOT interested in.

It's not particular to Bill, but I feel as though my self esteem has taken a hit, in a cumulative sort of way.

Sure...I am a successful "business" woman and should be very proud of myself for my accomplishments. I'm trying...I promise.

But in the men department? DAMN. Can I have worse luck? Why put myself out there again just to find another wimpy, self destructive, emotionally illusive whack job asshole who ends up rejecting me?

No thanks.

What the F?

What is with all of the over sized, nerdy (not in a cool way) guys winking at me? NO no no no no. Maybe I need to change something in my profile. I mean COME ON...

Ugh...how completely demotivating.

Dating sucks.

I give up

Today is the kind of day where I want to ignore the harsh realities of the world and stay in bed. I won't because I'm supposed to be somewhere. If I wasn't supposed to be somewhere? I still probably wouldn't. The last thing I should be doing is making things worse.

I hate dating. I hate putting myself out there. I hate rejection. I'm so discouraged.

What the events of the last few months make me wonder is this: Maybe the universe is telling me that I am in fact not ready to find "the one." Maybe I'm supposed to concentrate on my career for awhile. Maybe I need more "me" time.

Even so, that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck.

Several minutes later

I have already sent an email on Match and looked around (albeit briefly) and I'm already discouraged.

For two reasons:
1. All of the cute ones have "a faith that is important" to them. Not for me.
2. I have to immediately pass over an profiles that begin with "I'm tired of the bar scene" or "I never thought I would try online dating" or "This has worked for a few of my friends so I thought I would try it."

Please. Enough. Come up with some new material. Use adjectives!

I did enjoy the happiness and calm for a brief, glimmer of a moment. It was nice, wasn't it?

(I KNEW something was wrong.)

And the rug gets pulled out once again

So yeah.

Bill isn't over his ex fiance. And you know what? I knew it wasn't right anyway. I feel bad for the guy. He was trying to force it just as much as I was. Sigh.

The good thing is that it gets more exciting for you, my captive audience. Oh Maaaaaaatch!

It smells like fried food in my apartment and it's making me sick.

I need to move.

Nothing good but everything

So things are going great, right?

Just landed this new, high paying, super fantastic job. Dating this great guy who really digs me. Credit card debt down, savings up. Everyone I love is alive and well. Hair is growing out nicely, I'm managing my weight and have even gotten comments that I look like I have lost weight (I know, a mystery to me as well). Roof over my head, great make up, nice clothes, great friends. Honestly, things have never looked better.

Because I'm an intelligent person with quite a bit of common sense (I think), I can recognize all of the above.

But I'm not enjoying it. In fact...I feel mildly miserable. Self doubt is creeping up, I'm second guessing myself and I just feel sick about it. Why why WHY?

Am I so used to drama that I'm upset about not having to deal with it?

It doesn't make any sense.

p.s.

Bill does in fact have the bandwidth to take into public and introduce to friends. Family? Not yet.

I told you I was neurotic.

A literal pain in the ass

I was thinking about writing this very graphic, potentially offensive entry about a recent physical problem of mine, but I thought it was entirely too much. But I will tell you what it would have been about: 'Roids. That is all I will say. Use your active imaginations. I have no doubt you'll come up with something more horrifying that I would ever imagine to write. Or some of you would.

Next up: The last week and a half of work. It's extremely difficult to stay motivated. Gmail and online shopping are terrible distractions. It I had iTunes on there, it would be all over.

I need a vacation.

I feel as though things are going pretty well for me right now. Let's not break the cycle of good!

But you know what happens when things start to go well? Say it with me now...SABOTAGE. Yes, that's right. I'm already finding things wrong with my current state and nit picking. It's a terrible habbit that I need to break. It's just hard when you are so used to living life with this perpetual sense of dread. But awareness is the first step towards change or whatever, right?

Unfortunately, shitty things are happening to people that I care about. In some cases, really life changing, shitty things. That's not cool and it makes me very sad. I hope they know I am here for them.

Why does listening to David Gray make me so fucking sad?

Bad blogger

I just realized that I never wrote about meeting Bill's friends last week when we all went out for his birthday.

They were all very nice and welcoming and funny. I did not feel left out or a non-member of the in crowd for the entire night. I can tell they care about Bill.

He will meet a new friend of mine tonight, along with a bunch of people (who I was promised will be cool) that I have never met. Out in public...with people I know...

Maybe that is why I'm freaking out. Will he be a social perahya (some of you will notice that this has a double meaning...)? Will he complain about the crowd (I'm sure I will)? Will my friend think he's cool, will I think he's cool?

Ah fuck. Why am I so neurotic?

Freaking out is the name of the game

Alrighty...

I accepted a new job on Wednesday and gave my notice here. I told the team yesterday. The client does not know yet, so it doesn't seem real to me. I'm supposed to be working on filling all of these jobs that I have open, but I have this overwhelming feeling of anxiety today. I can't focus and I'm freaking out.

The new job is so huge and such a great opportunity that it borders on scary and intimidating. Self confidence will be key, so let's hope I get that back in full force soon.

I am so wishy washy about Bill. It's driving me crazy right now for some reason. I was doing so well! I like him, then I'm just "eh" about him. I need to and want to let it ride. All signs point to him being a good guy for me. And am I nit picking it in order to sabotage it or am I really "not that into him"? Who knows. What I do know is that I hate how he never asks me how I'm doing. I can see now why the ex broke up with him due to lack of communication. He knows he's bad at it, and acceptance and awareness are usually the biggest hurdles to overcome. He has been great about me being a cranky bitch, and that's hard to come by. He lets me do laundry in his apartment. I told him to buy a new mop and clean his stove...and he did. He makes me laugh, he cooks me food, he makes a mean cocktail.

Dammit!

Too much at once, too much at once!!

Who knew that making a mess could be so fun?

So I made dinner for Bill last night and it actually turned out fairly well. Who knew?

What I liked about cooking (and the clean up afterwards) is that it was a project with specific steps and a definitive beginning and end. And I get to follow directions and cross things off a list? What's not to like?

Needless to say, Bill really liked it. Sure, he isn't the best at expressing himself, but he knows it and he tries pretty hard. It was cute.

I stayed last night and this morning was a rude awakening. I'm not used to human interaction before I take a shower and put on my makeup on a weekday morning, so that part was a bit rocky. He sent me an email today about how chipper I was.

What does he expect when he turns on a light in the pitch dark without warning me? That I'm going to shit rainbows?

Predications are fun

Ryan Gosling: Next Great American Actor

Proof thus far:
Half Nelson
The Believer


See them.

Blogtard

Bill's birthday is on Wednesday and I am doing something that I literally thought I would never do: I am attempting to cook something. And not just anything, but an actual meal (with appetizer!) using an actual recipe.

Anyone who knows me knows that cooking is not something that I do. It doesn't interest me and it doesn't seem fun. Everything tastes better when someone else makes it anyway. So why bother?

So it occurred to me earlier today while I was searching for a fish taco (Bill happened to mention last night that this is one of his favorites) recipe online, I must really dig this guy. Not only that, but he told me that I didn't need to make anything, didn't need to do anything at all in fact. Is he just being polite or does he really mean that? I think it's safe to say that the latter is 100% applicable. I know this because this is what I always say to people who say they are going to do something nice for me on my birthday. Half of me wants them not to bother because I will most likely be disappointed anyway, but the other half of me really wants that birthday surprise.

I told him last night that me doing anything for his birthday was going to be terribly difficult for me to figure out what to do, and it's so hard this early in a relationship, and I'm just so busy, I don't know if I would be able to swing anything at all. Of course I was being a huge bitch on purpose. And the sweet thing looked at me so sincerely and said "I never make a big deal of birthdays anyway. Don't worry."

So fuck it. He gets his surprise. And I'll even sleep over on a school night.

So what if my sister questions my ability to boil water and blatantly told me to "stay far away from the kitchen"? Just because she has known me for my entire life doesn't mean she knows what she's talking about.

It will be fine.

(Right?)

oh shit it's been a week

For all you who use this blog as a primary source of entertainment (as you should), I really do apologize for my lack of posts this week. It's been a difficult last few days and I haven't had it in me to muster up the high quality of wit and sarcasm to which you are accustomed.

I'm still not quite there yet, but I promise to be back soon.

Just be patient and stop you're whining.

Subsection

Bill is away this week curing cancer, so I need to write about something else.

I think I'll go with my job. In one vein, I work for one company, the one that signs my paychecks. In another vein, I work for two companies. Imagine working for an international corporation (and all of the politics that go along with it) while, at the same time, working for a privately owned corporation (and ditto). Exhausted yet?

Everyday, it's worlds colliding on a high level. It has become increasingly difficult for me to do the main function of my job because of all the fucking corporate machine bullshit. Recent "policy" changes have made it increasingly difficult for me to be a corporate cheerleader, which is a huge part of my role. Added to that, I am underpaid and therefore extremely unmotivated. At this point, the whole situation is just soul sucking.

I have reached a state that I refer to as "The Rot." The Rot can be something you feel about your job, your relationship, or any major part of your life. In any case, you have reached a point where you stop caring about the outcome of your decisions and it is a true struggle to get out of bed in the morning. You may have an underlying anxiety that is constant or a bitter taste in your mouth that you just cannot get rid of. It is not that you wholly despise it, it is that you have this vacant feeling, as if the reason you once loved something has drifted away and may never be captured again.

But the shadow of why you orginally accepted your current state remains, and perhaps you feel as if you need to give it a fighting chance. So you stay...and wait.

It's been too long

It's been an eventful week. I was absolutely exhausted all week to the point where I made myself sick, so I stayed home on Friday and slept...all day.

Friday night, Bill and I had tapas and watched The Professional. We also made a date to "consumate" our relationship, if you know what I mean. Next Saturday when he comes back from his trip. He even sent me a meeting request through Google Calendar for the event )duration: one hour), which was absolutely hilarious.

But I was still hesitant yesterday and I felt like I was really on the verge of ruining the whole thing. I wasn't sure why I couldn't just let go and enjoy spending time with someone who was really into me, or why I was nervous about taking the next step.

I went over Bill's again last night, as he is leaving this morning for a week for business. I had an attitude and was defensive about everything that came out of his mouth. It was awful. I felt like such a crazy person. So...in a last ditch attempt to salvage the evening, I came clean...squeaky clean.

I laid it all out. I'm scared, this is all so new to me, I've never done things the "normal" way with a guy, the way that is functional and healthy and blah blah blah. I wanted to start the night over and I was sorry I made it awkward...

I was doing this while I was cutting tomatoes for the salad, not looking at him because I was too embarrassed. He stood next to me, with his hand on my shoulder. When I was done talking, I looked up and he was smiling at me. He leaned over, kissed me, and just said "I know."

For whatever reason, that turned the tables for me. I let my guard down and we talked about all the reasons why being with other people had never worked out. Bill was with his ex for fours years. They were engaged for 8 months and she broke it off because she didn't want to get married...to him. I told him about Nick and how I thought my future was all laid out for me and then it was shattered, and I had to rebuild.

It wasn't too heavy and there wasn't any crying on my part, which is nothing less than a miracle. It was just right.

And we went ahead and rescheduled that Google Calendar event for a week early.

Is it possible for my faith in men to be restored?

It just might be. Between Bill being all sensitive and cuddly and a great cook, and the excerpt below, I'm starting to become a believer.

I sent Match Mike his walking papers a couple of days ago and, fearing a reply, I sort of whinced when I saw that he had actually written back.

He has this to say:

Hi Steph,
Obviously, I'm sorry to hear that. You're a great girl - it's definitely my loss.

On the other hand, thanks for being honest and up front - that's pretty hard to come by in the world of Internet dating (at least in my somewhat limited experience). I did have a great time hanging out with you at dinner, so I'm happy to be just friends if you're in the mood for that.

Either way, best of luck to you finding someone - whoever he turns out to be, he's a lucky guy.

Michael

Damn that makes a girl feel good!

Just that little bit of self pity is enough to put me over the edge

I hate my hair, I hate my nails, I hate how tired I am and I hate my attitude. What is WRONG with me?

I'm going to blame it on "too much going on" and "late nights" and "medication adjustments."

Yep...all THREE of those things.

Grilled Cheese and Tomato

I tried to write last night but the server was unavailable or whatever.

Last night was date #4 with Bill, tonight was date #5.

Last night was really fun. Mac and cheese, Idol and some pretty awesome make out sessions (eh ehm).

Tonight...well...I was a big bitch.

I'm really tired, work is stressing me out and I probably shouldn't have gone over there with the way I had myself all worked up. But I wanted to see him, and I didn't want to bail and make him think I wasn't into him.

Because I am into him. Or at least I should be.

And while I tried not to show the real mood I was in, those of you who know me know that I'm terrible at faking it. But he was really patient and determined to put me in a better mood. He even made me laugh so hard that I had tears streaming down my face. He wasn't turned off by my attitude. He actually saw it as a challenge.

He is the sweetest, nicest, most thoughtful, most normal guy, and I, in TYPICAL Stephanie fashion, do not think I deserve to be with someone like him. This is what I've been looking for and this is what I want, but more importantly, this is what I need, and I'm already doubting myself.

I'm such an idiot.

He asked me to stay over tonight, with the preface of "I know you're tired, just sleep." And he meant it.

I said no.

Let me repeat...

I am such an idiot.

My last one for today, I swear...because I'm hungry anyway

Hi! Well, like many of the people who write these, this is something I never thought I would do. But after seeing how happy my friends are with the people they met, I thought I would give it a try... I am a little shy at first, but once I get to know you, I am a really fun guy to hang out with. I love to run, and South Boston is the perfect place with the beach and Castle Island right there. I am a huge sports fan, so I like to catch up on the Sox and Pats whenever I can. I like to get out, explore and learn new things every day. I am very easygoing, and get along well with everyone.

Replace "easygoing" with relaxed, multiple this paragraph by 10,000, and you have the guys within a 10 miles radius of me that are looking for dates on Match.

Awesome.

Yeah. I'm bored.

So I've seen some crazy things on Match, but I've never seen this:

I'm about to be 22 next Friday, 9/15, I got put in a 42 day coma which was from a severe beating which left me in a wheelchair but I can and do walk with a walker. I would say I'm pretty cute with deep blue eyes, long eyelashes and a noticeably cute face, so I'm told. I'm very intelligent, quick witted and carefree (kinda) lol. I love writing poetry when depressed or very happy. I would like to meet a girl whose appreciative, giving, sexual and really understanding and forgiving.

These are the things that make me feel less crazy. Is that mean?

Confession Time

I promised I would be really honest with myself while trying to find "Mr. Right" this time around.

Here goes.

Bill called me a while ago, just like he said he would. He was stuck in traffic for almost two hours on 95 on his way home from work, so it's 8 and he's just getting home. We talked for a bit about tomorrow night and watching The Idol (he asked me about this last night), about what he was eating for dinner, about how his cat hates me, about how we hate Kraft singles. And I almost said something like "Well, I'm not doing anything right now...Want me to come over?"

BUT I DID NOT. Instead, I told him to have a nice night and I hung up the phone. Now I can't stop thinking about it.

And you know why? It's because I want instant gratification and I want to "unknowingly" sabotage this good thing. But I also know that is a mistake. And I realize that the anticipation of seeing him again seems almost as satisfying as actually seeing him. I know this is the best part and instead of looking at it in a bad way, I need to enjoy it. And I think he's in the same place. I think he wanted to ask me just like I wanted to ask him. But neither of us did, because...we just didn't.

As Bill said last night "The only thing better than having sex is not having sex." He's actually making fun of the following line in a terrible movie that we watched that I thought would be good but was not good: "The only thing better than kissing on the first date is not kissing on the first date."

Nevertheless, I understand the principle. The build up is usually way better than the actual thing. And while this is risky and could lead to crushing disappointment, it's just fucking true.

So what's my confession? I'm disappointed about something that didn't happen that was never even supposed to happen, and the self doubt is creeping up on me. If I use the rational part of my brain, I realize this is a ridiculous thought and quickly dismiss it.

But the irrational, overly emotional, insecure part of me believes it whole heartedly.

Shit. I thought I was past this...

TROUBLE

This is where shit gets tricky.

So Bill and I had a great time last night (of course), and I can't stop thinking about lying on the couch with him and making out because it just felt really good. (A note to readers: all articles of clothing remained ON. Who's proud of me?) I'm not even sure what it is about him that has rendered me a complete obsessive crazy person. Is my self esteem that low...Am I that desperate? Maybe. Or maybe I just really like this one.

He makes pizza on Sundays, so we had pizza. He made the pizza dough from scratch in the bread machine and everything. I felt kind of inferior. But I made a salad with lots of cucumbers. And, since he shares my affinity for sweet baby greens and seedless cucumbers, it was a huge hit. He was really thankful that I brought him beer and salad. I was like, "Uhm...it's really not that hard."

At any rate, I was over there until 12:30 last night, well past the end of the Oscars, and the local news was in the background while I was trying to will myself off of his really comfortable leather couch where it was really warm in his really gorgeous apartment that he owns...

So this is the tricky stage. I need some rules of engagement.

1. Stay breezy, but still obviously interested.

2. Do not go out of your way to drive by his house to see if the lights are on in his apartment.

3. Always wait a sufficient amount of time before returning emails, phone calls and texts. Not too long, but just long enough so that he starts to sweat just a little on the other end.

4. Remain only mildly available. Don't go for last minute plans because you are obviously a very busy person and things need to be booked in advance.

5. Don't ask about old relationships until you are at the "boyfriend" stage. This also applies to the optional "How many people have you slept with" conversation.

6. Do not give it up until at least the 6th date. (Why do I pick 6 as the arbitrary number? I really don't know. We are past date number three which, according to Glamour readers, means I am not a skank...this time.)

7. Don't ask awkward questions whilst making out/in the heat of the moment.

8. Get the cat to like you. Put cat nip in your pockets if necessary.

9. Don't assume you are invited over...EVER. Sure he lives right down the street, but still.

and 10. DO NOT have obsessive thoughts that will only shatter your self image and create crippling self doubt.

Don't I give myself good advice?

Second Look

I just re-read that email from Charlie ("Mixed Messages") and I do think he meant well, but was very unpoetic about it. Boys can be so dumb.

Weak in the knees, but not in that "I just need to get some" kind of way

WELL. Last night was the second date with Match Bill.

So far, I cannot find anything wrong with Bill. Last night, I took the 5 minute walk over to his apartment and he made me fancy food (an experimental dish for him, nonetheless), which was as good as, if not better than, anything I've ever eaten in a restaurant. Then we watched a terrible movie that we both made fun of through the whole thing. Then we talked/made out for about 4 hours. There was way more talking and snuggling. I got over there at 6pm and I didn't leave until 1:30am. As Bill said "It's almost like a shift."

But let me just throw this out there: The making out wasn't the hungry, "I can't wait to take your clothes off and ravage you" type of making out. It had the potential to be, of course, but somehow it was kept low key. I'm at a bit of a loss for words to describe it, actually. Shocking, I know.

And this is me not questioning it or over analyzing it. See?

Some other things I found out about Bill:

1. His cat isn't crazy about me, but she does see me as competition, obviously. I kept telling Bill that he is SO that cat's bitch. No question. He denies it, of course.

2. Bill's apartment is gorgeous. Well, anything is nice compared to my place but still...this place is amazing. Three (small) bedrooms, huge kitchen, laundry room, dining room, living room. All hardwood floors and recently renovated but still not that bleach white generic kind of place. His decorating is plain but still very coordinated and pleasant. And...wait for it...wait for it...Bill owns this place. That's right. He doesn't rent it. It's a true Condo (way more than 550 square feet, Yoda) and he pays a mortgage. Uh huh. He's also the "Condo President" which is just precious.

3. I knew Bill had great legs, but it was just last night that I noticed his ass. Uhm...yeah.

4. Bill and I weigh about the same. He's pretty skinny as in, skinnier than me but taller. We'll see how that rolls. It is nice to have to point my head up just a bit to kiss him. That's not bad at all.

5. Although I knew Bill was really smart and had done well for himself, it's even more so than I thought. Did I mention that he owns his beautiful apartment that is 5 minutes down the street from me? DID I?

6. A very quick, visual assessment tells me that he is *eh ehm* well equipped.

He invited me over to watch the Oscars tonight. So...I'm going to try really hard not to mess this up and not sleep with him on the third date.

Wish me luck!

Excitement!

Date tonight date tonight date tonight!!

EEEeeeeeeeeee!

Mixed messages

I know that all men are mildly brain dead on some level.

But this email from Charlie on Match (I winked at him) really has me perplexed. Can anyone tell if he's really interested in talking to me or not?

Subject: re: your wink, or something like that

Swingers is one of the greatest movies of all time. Typically, though, girls think it's a "guys file" and don't get it. And i'm secretly a little glad about that, because everything you need to know about guys is in that movie. Sadly enough...The nice thing about my favorite movie (the Big Lebowski) is that it's hard to even pretend it has any insight into the human condition. Except that people love to bowl.Speaking of which, i think it's kind of awesome that you had bowling first on your "things i like" list. Even though i haven't been in about a year, i always loved it. And I think my cousin works at that 24 hour bowling place off of 93, so i probably should go bowling soon.I also love that you twice mention cleaning is a hobby of yours. Though i suppose that if i had cleaning as a hobby, it would surprise so many people that i'd need to list it twice. Hmm, maybe more then that...Hawaii, always seems so amazing, and i want to go as well. I'm certified in scuba, but it's just way too bloody cold around here for me to want to go diving, so i'd love to Hawaii. That, and climbing up active volcano's, and those amazing-looking beaches, and the fact it's the middle of winter here, i think i might have convinced myself to go next week.Well, i just wanted to respond, and say "hey". because i definitely need to talk to anyone who doesn't like "swordfish, beets, raw onions and liver and onions" Because liver and beets are probably my too least favorite foods in the world. -charlie

Then there is the following email from a 35 year old dude whose portrait is "no longer available."

Subject: Hey

I like your profile. An interesting read. especially the part about I am a kind hearted person with an edge. You ever go clubbing in Boston?

Ugh and Ew!

Don't get psycho

That's what I'm telling myself. Stay breezy.

Sure you just talked to Bill for an hour and a half on the phone and loved every second of it. Sure he's smart and funny and confident without being arrogant. Sure he's tall and has great legs and eyes that hypnotize you.

DON'T GET PSYCHO.

Calm down, put it in perspective and remind yourself that, odds are, he will end up being competely wrong for you.

Ok. Better now.

Why are you so lame?

Match Mike has yet to use my phone number and continues to email me. I have now officially lied to him about "being tied up at work" and not able to hang out with him tomorrow night. Granted, I did get a more tempting invitation today, but whatever. This guy is just annoying me with his dating retardedness.

Alice has written me the perfect "Dear John" letter to send to Mike. I've pasted it below:

Mike,
Thanks for the offer to go out again. I think you're a really nice guy and we had some really great conversation when we went out. But to be honest, I don't think it's fair to lead you on when you could be dating girls who are more your type. I got a great vibe from you but it was definitely more along the friend line then on any romantic level. I certainly don't want you to take this as rejection because I know that can sting but we're both on match to meet the right person for us and I feel like you are not it for me. Thanks for a great time, good luck finding someone else (which should be no problem. You're a great guy)

P.S.-You resemble a Yoda bobble head that a Star Wars Geek would hook to his VW Gulf with bumper stickers saying, "May the Force Be With You" and "Lord of the Rings Rules" and the eye twitch kind of creeps me out like a strobe light in a gay club. Thanks for the free drinks sucka.

It's perfect, isn't it?

Bill said to me on our date last weekend that there really weren't that many "cool" people on match and we need to stick together. I agreed that yes, I was cool and it was very difficult being me.

The Idol is on. I must go.

There is just so much to talk about

A few updates on Bill and Mike.

Let's get the shorter story out of the way first.

Mike. Oh Mike. Mike has no game. I emailed Mike my phone number after our first date and, instead of calling, Mike emailed me his number. All I can do is shake my head. He wanted to go to the MFA on Monday. It was too soon for me and I wanted to spend my day off doing mostly nothing. So I told him I had to work. So it looks like we'll hang out on Thursday now. I do want to go out with him again, if only for additional blog material. I can't wait to hear what he will suggest we do. Something extremely bland, I'm sure.

Bill. Oh Bill. Bill is fucking hilarious. Everytime I think of his tirade on Paula's clapping, I chuckle out loud. Note to self: Try to avoid thinking about this in a client meeting.

Since we spoke on Sunday night, we've been exchanging several emails on a daily basis. He is taking a training class for work and has been telling me about the teacher. Here are some excerpts:

"my class is actually pretty good. The teacher is unintentionally funny, she keeps making inadvertant suggestive comments and doesn't realize what she's saying."

"she just drew a penis on the white board. she claimed it was a database connection, but I'm getting suspicious of her motives."

I told him to watch himself if she followed him to the bathroom and also not to leave his glass of water unattended.

"teach seems to have cooled on me."

Then...

"I think its on again... I just asked teach if there was a way to change the Font of a certain window. And she was like 'Yah, you go here and here, and then you can change it to whatever, like Courier New.' And I was all 'That's exactly what I wanted to change it to.' Now she wants to have all my babies."

Yeah. This last quote is exactly something random that I would have come up with. It rules.

I'm waiting for him to suggest what we do this weekend. Waiting...

The Idol is on tonight...top 24 guys. Yes! My fruity cocktail and I are counting down the minutes.

"Who claps like that?"

I just hung up with Bill after about an hour and a half. I'm not sure what we spent an hour and a half talking about, but I do remember one highlight that had me laughing so hard I was curled up in the fetal position with stomach cramps.

Bill loves American Idol, as do I. All I said was "Paula" and he started a two minute monologue on how she claps. It was...amazing. It went something like this:

"Have you seen how Paula claps? Most people keep one hand stationary and then use the other hand to drive into the stationary hand to produce a clap. And most people keep their fingers closed while doing do, too. Not Paula. Paula claps with BOTH hands, just palms touching. It makes no noise. She spreads her fingers out as wide as they can spread and always brings her hands above her head...(voice gets quieter) It's actually really awesome."

Bill. Oh Bill.

I have to say they've grown on me over the years...

I went to my parent's tonight for dinner. I told them I was doing online dating and they were all questions. It was actually really cute. So, I told them about Mike and Bill, more about Bill. Although my Dad loved my description of Bobblehead Yoda. My impersonation of the eye twitch had him in tears.

So while we are eating, Bill calls (sweet!) and I let it go to voice mail. Five minutes later my Dad is all "Can we listen to the message that Bill left?" So, I put the phone on speaker and we all lean in and listen to Bill's message: "Hey Stephanie, it's Bill. I'm driving from Minneapolis to Rochester and will be in the car for about an hour. Give me a call later...errr...tomorrow. I had a lot of fun last night. Talk to you soon. Bye."

My step mother: "He sounds cute!"
My Dad: "You should call him back tonight. But don't tell him you played his voice mail for your parents."

Hilarity ensues.

Your comments are appreciated...kind of

I've disabled the comments feature on my blog (unless you are a registered blogger user), because most of what I get is crappy spam.

If you have a burning question or comment, just email me.

Baby Blues

Well, since my fans are waiting in eager anticipation for news on my date with Match Bill, I can no longer keep you in suspense!

First of all...I arrived at the restaurant 10 minutes late, the only reason being that I'm an idiot. It wasn't that cold and I should have just walked from my apartment. But I thought that I might find a close parking spot. How silly of me. I ended up parking closer to my apartment than to the restaurant. Whatever.

So I walk up and Bill is sitting in the waiting area, looking cuter than his Match pictures. I see him, apologize and am instantly knocked over (metaphorically speaking) by his eyes. They are a color blue that I have never seen. I didn't stop looking at them all night. I happen to be a sucker for blue eyes (probably because mine are brown and boring).

I also liked his voice right away. This has become a trait that is apparently pretty important to me for who knows what reason. (Match Jerk #1 sounds like he's 16, so maybe I should have known right off that that was going nowhere.) It was a bit awkward at first (duh) and I think (for me, at least) it had everything to do with how cute I thought he was.

We talked and ate and laughed. He's really funny and I kind of figured he would be, based on his emails. At one point, he had me laughing so hard that my stomach started to hurt. I tried to recall the last time that had happened to me with a guy and I couldn't. I found out he's from Springfield, Westachusetts, which opened up my endless supply of Westachusetts jokes, of which he has plenty of his own. His parents are ultraconservative (he's not) and he has an older brother named Paul. He will be the big 3-0 on March 14th, which also happens to be the birthday of a dear, dear friend of mine. He works for the Mayo Clinic, where he helps monitor and write the computer software for the laboratories. I was quick to point out that this means he is an intregal part in finding the cure for cancer and saving lives, to which he agreed and told me that's usually "his line." But seriously...he is. He has red hair and is about 6'2", pretty slim and very fair. He's actually half Italian, which I find hilarious.

We talking about everything. I shared with him my monumental purchase of yesterday...a real, live Dustbuster. I explained to him that this purchase actually makes me feel like a more complete human being, to which he responsed with "I understand." Yes! He also spent a good minute trying to remove a small piece of onion (without actually touching it) from our table (left from the previous dinners) by using the menu as a shovel. He finally gave up and pushed it behind the fruity drink menu. It was hilarious.

After the restaurant, we headed to another bar and had three more drinks. When we started to get ready to leave, I asked him the BIG question, the question that holds integral importance: "What cell phone service do you have?" His answer was the correct one.

It turns out he lives less than a quarter mile from me on a cross street. He lives alone and has a cat named, Nico. He showed me a picture, and she's pretty cute as far as cats go. Apparently she plays fetch.

He's going to Minnesota (home of the Mayo Clinic) for the week but said he would call. I told him he didn't have to wait three days.

Bobble Head Yoda with an Eye Twitch

That's your visual in order to fully share in the experience that IS online dating session #2: Match Mike from Kentucky.

Tonight was a very normal, nice encounter with Match Mike. We had great conversation, never an awkward lull, good food, drinks and he paid. Sounds great, right?

Well, that's just it. Mike is very nice, but I am not the least bit attracted to him in "that" way. My gauge on this is if I can picture myself kissing him. No. No I cannot.

There were some odd, slightly uncomfortable moments that I did a great job of glossing over. He is your classic, Kentucky raised, software engineer. He claims to be "middle of the road, maybe more liberal minded" yet made some pretty scathing comments about Section 8 housing. Something like "If you're poor, you should live in the ghetto. I shouldn't have to pay for you to live somewhere nice." The more I think about it, that is an exact quote.

I let that one slide. I had to fire someone today, and I wasn't in the mood to have extremely uncomfortable conversation #2 of the day. I also let slide his comment about "small government" which, last time I checked, wasn't all that liberal. I am far from being a political expert, but I'm pretty sure he's still got quite a bit of Kentucky in him.

But I did ask about the fried chicken. He said it is quite good.

Some interesting quirks about Mike:
1. I shit you not, he looks like Yoda. Mostly the teeth and the almond shaped eyes.
2. His eyelids twitch constantly. It's unnerving. At first I thought he was winking at me repeatedly, but then thought better of it.
3. While listening to me go on about this and that, he didn't just nod his head; It was almost as if he separated his head from his neck and was bobbing it up and down using some sort of invisible force (Yoda!). If you've seen your run of the mill bobblehead doll, on a dashboard, in a car, on a very bumpy road, you have it.

#3 may have been nerves, because this improved over the two hours we chatted.

But so help me, I could not stop thinking about Luke, Vader and the Force. As much as I tried.

But I told him we would hang out again. I don't want to completely dismiss him, as he seems to be a very nice gentleman.

Then I went to DSW. It is so hit or miss...

In other news, John (Date #1), actually called me tonight and left me a message. Something like..."Haven't heard from you in a few days, wondering when we're gonna meet up again." I spoke back to my voice mail in disbelief: "WHAT?" He's dillusional. A small, small dillusional man.

California?

The second to last episode of The OC aired tonight.

I have a history with this show. It reminds me of things that are bittersweet.

It hasn't been that great lately, but it used to be amazing. Tijuana??

I'm going to go ahead and embarrass myself...I'm a bit choked up about next week's finale.

:(

You really need snow tires on that thing

Ah yes...the joy of seeing the rich and snobby shrink in shame. If only I had really seen it. IF ONLY!!

My old supervisor (if you can call him that) is a trust fund baby who has to continue to work for certain reasons. Use your imagination.

To protect myself, we'll call him...Mr. Brat.

Mr. Brat drives a ridiculously expensive luxury vehicle (estimated cost: $80,000) that he bought with his trust fund. He parks it in a gargage in the South End. Get the picture?

Anyway...we had quite a storm yesterday and Mr. Brat got stuck at the intersection leaving work. I wish I had witnessed it because it sounds like it was a a LAUGH RIOT. Three strangers PLUS my work husband had to push him through the intersection. THEN Mr. Brat spun off the Pike and had to get towed. THEN he "worked from home" today.

HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ok...I need to catch my breath.

In other news, that big fucking jerk who ditched me after the 3rd date actually tried to get in touch with me today. As IF.

Stay tuned for summaries of Dates 1 and 2.

Until next year...

I'm going to bed, so Valentine's Day is officially over. Phew. I made it through again without incident.

Not like last year was so great...or the year before...or the year before.

Ok, so maybe I've never had a non-shitty V-Day.

What I've always loved is that you can call it VD. That's awesome.

Match Mike and Match Bill

So...fake boyfriend #1 turned out to be a big fucking jerk. Long story short...he got what he wanted and then acted pissed off about something stupid to get me to go away. I will say this...that boy plays a good game. It's impressive. It will catch up with him though. He was lacking in....certain areas anyway. In this case, that would have been a deal breaker eventually.

But we move on.

While I have never been the biggest fan of "dating," I'm excited for my dates this weekend. Yep...Dates...Plural!

Friday night will be a casual, after work encounter at a local brew pub. Match Mike and I work close to each other. He writes software for anti virus or anti spam or something. The kind of guy you can totally picture with a pocket protector...but it would be a cool pocket protector. He looks pretty nerdy and claims he is 5'11" (which means he's 5'10" max) but any man who can write a long-winded email better than myself about the wonders of the Dustbuster is worth at least a first date.

Saturday night finds us with Bill. Bill lives here in Waltham (I think pretty close by) and also does something with computers. He is super sarcastic and is addicted to The Idol. In addition, he also hates beets. Bring it on.

Bill is currently ahead, but only by a hair.

Updates will be posted accordingly. Who knows what will come of all this, if anything. But it will be fun for you to read. And I really only know of one person reading at the moment...

:)

Boys are stupid, part...gajillion

I had a rough, rough day and I'm not hanging in so well.

I'm not sure why I haven't learned a few things by now. Like...I hate men, boys, whatever you'll want to call them. I don't understand them, I will never understand them.

My fake boyfriend and I had some lovely dates over the weekend. I've texted him "can't wait to see you again" called him "call me if you are around" and all I've gotten is a few lines in Yahoo Messenger. Awesome. That's just great. Heaven forbid he call or...CALL.

What don't they get?

I'm PMSing like crazy and I'm this new medication and going off an old one...

I'm such a mess.

I'm not ready to make nice

So the Dixie Chicks really fuckin' rock, man!

I'm watching the Grammy's, which are usually torture, but the most recent DC performance was just fantastic. And the song makes such wonderful sense. I love it. I just bought it from the iTunes store. Look how 2005 I am!

At any rate. My new fake boyfriend is really cute and I went out with him Friday night AND Saturday night. It's pretty exciting.

But there is no way in hell that I'm getting my hopes up.

Sweet

I have a date tomorrow night with my virtual fake boyfriend!

Wish me luck. :)

Love in an elevator

It's the only Aerosmith song that I like. It's not related to this post at all.

You will only be entertained by this post if you have seen my favorite movie!

I went to bed early last night and was awakened at 12:30am by a text message from my new Match boyfriend. He had given me his number on Thursday night via Yahoo Messenger. And on Thursday night, I called him...and was met with his voice mail. I left a message that I thought was money. All day yesterday I was being a super neurotic freak and wondering why oh why he had not called me back yet. Obviously, I'm terrible at this.

Anyway...I get a text from him (we'll call him...John) with a short..."Hello :)"

In my half asleep stupor, I am very tempted to text back, so I do of course. And this is what I text: "Laugh all you want Mikey, but if you call too soon, you might scare away a beautiful baby who's ready to party." Now John and I have been quoting lines from my favorite movie back and forth to each other since we started our communication on Monday. And of course, I love it.

Side note: I fucking HATE god damn Nextel phones. JUST CALL THE PERSON so the rest of us don't have to hear your enter conversation...from both sides!

Sorry.

He text's back at 4 this morning with: "That's why waiting three days to call you back was kinda money."

So now I'm really excited.

Yet, it's important to note that I'm not getting my hopes up and always expecting the worst. Because that was a hard lesson learned, and history tends to repeat itself.

And so much happens in 6 months...

I have a pile of shit in my blog from fuckers who want to just clog it up with spam. I've returned for that reason, if no other.

I have no idea if anyone has even checked this lately. I'd like to start to write in it again, as I feel I have so many stories to tell.

So...hello again.

The job is still going well. There have been promotions (not me), title changes without promotions and/or raises (that would be me), and accolades upon accolades of what a fantastic job I'm doing! Well...that's great and all but I think I need a little more than a pat on the back. It's getting ridiculous. I want more GD money. I am making slightly more money than when I started, yet I have accrued more debt than I had before. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell that happened. Let's bank on that tax return that is bound to be extremely disappointing.

I love where I work, just not the company I work for. It that makes no sense to you, then you haven't been paying attention.

I got over Nick, dated Brad* 6 months later and broke up with him a few weeks ago after 2 months. My shortest and weirdest relationship. Brad was probably the most normal and stable guy I have dated, buuuuut I came to learn quickly that it is merely because he is very, very stupid. He also had a very weird sexual aggression thing going on which I really think has something to do with a mother issue. But I'm no expert. And a terrible, terrible kisser. How I thought I could train it or deal with it long term...it was naive of me.

I don't mean that Brad is stupid in the way that he can't read or is mildly retarded. I mean stupid as in he has no social tact. He is 32 years old and still acts as though he is a teenager...a really rude teenager. Now, I know he was never the right match. That is now abundantly clear. I am so ready to be with someone that I thought if I rode it out, he would grow on me. Well...as soon as the relationship became work, he bailed. Or, more appropriately...he didn't have the balls to bail and I had to do it for him. A weak, weak man who is concientious, yes! but far past the point of normalcy. It's to the point where he jeopardizes his own happiness by doing something that will make other people (read: over bearing, old school Italian family) happy. Sad and sadder...which leads us into the next part of the story...

I'm really not all that angry about it anymore. I just wanted my stuff back.

This is part when it gets complicated and you have to keep up:

He (Brad, now my ex) is already dating the ex-girlfriend of his best friend. Now...the best friend's current girlfriend just happens to be Nick's ex girlfriend, the one before me. Remember her? Well...bite your tongue, but we're friends now. HAHHAHAHAH. Isn't life just hilarious? She is a very nice girl. Being cordial and a non-bitch in her presence really paid off. I love karma.

Brad's new girlfriend is affectionately known as The Skank. She and Brad have been friends for quite some time (since childhood I think) and now they have decided that it would be a good idea to date. (Brad's parents LOVE The Skank) Maybe I'm just not familiar with this "circle of friends" tactic, but it seems super fucked up to me. Let's just pass around the pussy! EWWWWWWWWW!

What's the greatest is that Alice* (Nick's ex before me, now my friend) HATES The Skank. For obvious reasons, and for some other non-savory reasons, that The Skank has brought upon herself.

The whole things grosses me out to the max, but no longer gets me heated. It's done, it's over with and I'm moving on. I'm sure I learned something that will become abundantly clear at some point in the very distant future. As for now, it is not at all apparent to me.

So now here I sit on a Friday night, writing in a dry blog. Why? I'm really tired. I could have gone out but I'm exhausted. I've started on Match.com and it's draining. I hope it pays off...eventually. I did buy the 6 month guarantee. Hopefully a year will be long enough to the find my virtual life partner.

Maybe we should start a pool on that.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent OR the stupid.